Lately I feel perpetually quite irritated. The kids fight and push and kick. Pretty much every day A. has a behavioral blow out. Everyday. No, it is not okay to yell "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT" to your mother. Especially not on a regular basis. If he is not doing that he is amking loud screamy funky sounds that peirce my ears and make me nuts. His attention is so bad I have to tell himn to do things multiple times.
I am amazed at how poor Mom's memory is. She can ask the same question 5 min later and, upon hearing the same anwer, have no recall that this is a repeat experience. I've given up conversing with her. There can be no assumed history in the conversation, no prior understanding or experience. She can't really consistently ask questions and follow up on something I bring up. There is like a cummulative effect. If we weren't together 24/7 it wouldn't bug me so much. But b/c we are, it makes me acidic.
Pops is irritated with me b/c the house is a mess and out of control. Which is true. Part of me would rather escape and work all day to get away from kids and Mom and the messy house.
There are many things I don't like about my life right now. And I feel like an ungrateful bitch for writing that. I have 3 bedroom house, housecleaners (who work around the piles of crap), my Mom who does laundry and dishes, a great job, great pets, some great friends. But some days and weeks all I want to do is either sleep, eat or drink coffee-one of my 3 addictions. I just get fatter and feel so ugly. Then I think I just need to get a fucking grip here. Many people, including many of my friends, have it harder then me. piss piss piss