Saturday, July 30, 2005


I sent an e-mail about the train store people to over 80 local families. My friend is going to forward it onto other local list-serves she is on.
Don't mess with my babies.

"You always seem so calm"

People tell me that
Well, drugs can do that, make one look calm with a sense of composure.
Actually, lately I don't think I have enough anti-depressants on board.
I don't drink-but I can see why a parent would want to down a glass of wine around the witching hour before dinner.

Anyway-sometimes I feel like the Jeckle and Hyde of mothers.
Alternating between providing warm, supportive, educational interactions and then wanting to rip my kids head off. Really I think people would be shocked to know just how nasty I can sound. mmmm...

Friday, July 29, 2005

Ah but there is always the love of the community

My girlfriend and I decided to meet at the model train store in RWC with our kids. Her son, 4 , and my kids 4 and 6. Both of our boys are ASD type kids with short attention spans and a dear love for trains. A fun way to spend some time...or so we thought.
Immediately after entering the older couple who appear to own it asked, "What do you need." More of an inquisition than customer service. Instantly they were on us "to control" our kids b/c they have "very expenisive things there". At one point The gentleman yelled at little M,"NO running". We were there under 3-5 min. My Mama friend said to him, " You do not need to yell at my son, he hears fine." He retorted, "Oh, so you don't want me to yell at your kids if you can't control them".And in all actuality while they were not being perfect, they were doing well in the store. They even appeared "typical". Which is partly the frustrating part. Next thing we know the man opens his store door and asks us to leave. Our families then stood in front of the store talking. They then came out to ask if we wanted to see a picture of a child who had gotten hurt when she fell into one of there glass cases. (I guess they keep it handy for entertainment sake).I delned the offer. They were very agitated with the fact that we stood infront of the store and came out 2 times to further argue. There discontent with our presence there of course made us want to set up camp for the night.
Of course on the way home I then got to experience the pleasure of a meltdown on the part of my son who wanted to see the trains. Yet again demonstrating for me that I my kid is out of control. Now they did not know our kids were "special". I think if they did they would have stood in front of the door and barred us from entering even initially. "Those type of children should probably stay home locked in their room so they don't break anything or upset anyone." I can just see that as their philosophy.

The thing that really pisses me off is that I tie it back to A and his deficits and it makes me feel sad and lonely. Just like any event where he falls apart in public, which ironically he did not do here. I am angry at them for making the other Mama-or just me-feel badly about our sons. Of course given my prior post and the fact that my husband is out of town-I am not in the best of spots.

How ironic is it that ASD individuals (children and adult) love trains. I will not return to this store ever. And as I told the owner we will let others know of their hospitality.

I just have this feeling that karma will pay-off and one day I'll go to work at the hospital and the patient will be an older man who owns a model train shop who is now unable to speak because of his stroke.

I'm so #@&*^ pissed!

I just got off the phone with Shirley, A's aide from last year at school. She told me the whole process was based on seniority and # of hours worked previously. All union and ease driven. Nothing about the aide wanted other than some nameless description of a child " a boy in 1st grade at Roosevelt for a 6 hour aide". Certainly nothing about who the child is, their needs or who or what had worked for them in the past. I have always tried to stay positive with this educational system. I see parents who are jaded, negative and agressive. The "the school district (meaning all) will always try to screw you." I don't like that and I don't want to become that. But this is fucking rediculous. I hate conflict and I resent that they put me in this position again. I end up looking like the whining bitch. I know when I breathe deep that this may work out just fine, this guy who is supposed to be his aide-not that they notify me or anything-will work out fine.
I just hate the fact that you are already trying to deal with a kid who has difference and then you have to go throught this.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Baby A

Oh baby A
I love you
You're a good boy
It is true
You have big blue eyes
and golden curls
Oh A. I love you

B.A.-my song I sang to you as a baby and now

The Dream

As is often the case in the middle of the night, I was asleep in Ki's bed. "Mama," the said in a calm but slight ly excited voice. "I just had a dream about us."
"You did?" I asked in a now more alert state. "What happened in the dream?".
"You and I flew up into the sky."
The next day I asked her if she remembered having a dream and she said yes she did. That I was driving and I drove us upinto the sky. I asked if there were any other peopel or things and she said no. I'll haveto look this one up in the dream interpretation book. It's the first time Ki has ever talked about a dream.

Friday, July 01, 2005


My friend B. is the wonderful mother of 2 boys, ages 5 and 20 months. The older son has special needs. Following a divorce that was not her idea initially she met a great guy who has 2 boys ages 4 and 6. All has been good and the 3 guys recently moved in. Yes, that's right 4 boys 6 and under. One with special needs and another who out grew a label. A repaireman recently dropped by and said "Nice daycare you got here!". Yesterday when we were over the oldest boy paid Alex, Kianna and I a compliment by saying that we should also move in, we just need to get more bunkbeds.