Sunday, August 21, 2005


My Mom had surgery for a bowel obstruction F night (now Sun night). Between some dementia already on board, surgery, morphin, anesthesiabeing 79 and lack of ETOH -she is confused. I have had patients in the past who were "fine" until they had a surgery and then never quite pulled it together again afterwards. I am concerned that Mom will not regain the cognitive skills she had. She already had a pretty significant short term memory loss. An example of her now- when asked today at dinner time how her incision was-she said she didn't have one. A tough thing to forget given the amount of pain it can generate.
The thing that is so strange is that her face looks great and she sounds so much like herself most of the time. I didn't fully realize before how much dementia is the robbing of a soul in the presence of an intact and beautiful package.
I hope that I will take her home from the hospital T, and fly to my home by the Bay next w/e (if all goes well physically for her). My gut tells me she will not again return to S. D. to live alone, as she will not be capable. I am sad and I am in the caretaker mode that is making me stay just above the murkiness.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Big girl Ki

I took Ki and we went and had lunch with the other SLP's at Special Hospital. We ate in the fancy dining room. There were white table clothes and a cloth napkin in your glass. Ki scaled into her chair and the waiter helped push her in. She then spontaneously took her napkin out of her glass to put it on her lap. She chatted a bit and pulled a piece of bread from the bread basket. She was perfectly behaved. She didn't even rip off one of her award winning burps! Really she can burp like 300 pound truck driver with no intention to do so. But my point is she is such a joy to spend time with lately. On M and W am's the last couple of weeks we have gone to Whole Paycheck in the morning and we get chocolate milk (her), coffee (me), and a banana muffin (both) and sit on the couch and read books. Such a sweet time. Also, I think it is that 4 is a great age. If most neurotypical (NT) kids were this easy-I would want more -if it weren't for the questionable gene pool and high risk factors Daddy K and I carry. But I digress. I feel a bit sad at times that this baby of mine is growing up. But I am so proud of her and the lovely caring soul she is.


Thanks to Mama L's suggestion I have now become a vendor for speech services for kids 1-3 years through GGRC. I love the little guys. Mama L has almost single handedly marketed and supported my business. At this point we are almost business partners! This will be a great venture.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Good Bye

On Sunday I got a phone call that my former boss at Special Hospital had died. I knew she was sick with cancer and no longer able to work, but I thought she'd be around longer. I guess most people thought she had a while longer. Just that day I had been formulating in my head-yet again-what I would say in the card I would send her.
I would say how much I appreciated her support when I was pregnant with twins and found out one of them was going to die. She told me I needed to do what I needed to do for myself and my job would be there. How I was able to take off 7 months with that pregnancy and the new life of Alex. How she worked with me to try and find a way to keep my job at part-time when it was evident I needed to resign to be with Alex. How she kindly tried to keep my pay level up when I switched to relief staff. How she was a good, fair leader. How she rememded me and others to be the best clinicians we could be. Somehow she managed to wade through the continual requirements for budget cuts and politics and still focus on evidenced-based practice. Her humor was great, her integrity strong. We swapped dog stories all the time- she had Gus I had Sierra. She told me I was different then any speech therapists she'd worked with before-and that was a compliment. I learned from her as a manager, she was my mentor during those years.
So sad am I that I never let her know all my thoughts. A life lesson I feel like I should have already learned-you just can't wait to let people know how and why you value and love them.

Dear K. I wish you much joy where ever you are. I will remember your clinical integrity, fair managerial style, easy-going nature and humor and try to incorporate them into my life in your honor. Thank you-

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The Quirky Kids Tribe

Sometimes I wish I could just live in the tribe of Families of Quirky Kids.
When I'm alone with BA in our home, or the home of someone in our tribe, he shines as the beautiful, talented and loving little guy he is. He is appreciated and adored for the wonderful essence that is his.
This is true for all the quirky angels I love and work with in my life.
It is when we go into public, and they do their quirky not-quite-right things that their lovely essence is squashed and submerged below the surface.
How comforting it is to enter and be in the tribe of people who dig below the surface and unearth the angel with-in the quirky kids.

The Unsolicited Advocate

Strange thing. I sent the post re: train store to Iron Door list and special families list serve. Some unknown person of unkown group advocating for individuals felt the need to follow up with the train store. He called them and explained that the kid (s) had disabilities and some other content. He never contacted me, just put out some e-mail that he had called them. Very odd. I purposely didn't put in the e-mail that kid (s) had learning diffs, b/c this was not the issue. They were icy the second we walked in the door with kids. Kids who look "typical". I think I should e-mail him. Seems easier to let it go...mmm..

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

How I Know I am a Mother

I just brushed my teeth with watermelon-flavored toothpaste.

Monday, August 01, 2005

swimming in public

I'm heading out to take the kids to the pool at an acquaintances house.
Just need to bitch that I hate being my fat self in public in a bathing suit.
Coupled with the whole debate on how best to sheer the ever creeping pubic hair...

re-thinking post

Well I feel I should say that for anyone who has not taken antidepressants-they don't change your personality. I think I have always been easy going and flexible by nature. It is strange to describe ones own nature. I mean what if you have some strange, obscure veiw of yourself?
Anyway, a good description I heard of antidepressants was that they make the low points in life (big or small) not feel as deep. The subject of antidepressants was brought up at a support goup for parents of special needs kids once-80% (atleast) were on them.

ps thanks to friends who read and posted or e-mailed me