Saturday, December 30, 2006

Notes on being santa

I carefully wrapped all the gifts for the kids. Each had their own type of paper. (I was quite proud of myself for making sure that the same paaper did not appear on the gifts that were not from Santa.) We put them out after the kids had gone to bed and in the morning said the gifts and the stockings full of gifts were from Santa. After these heaps of gifts had been had been opened, we all paused. I then suggested we open the gifts under the tree that Pops, Granny and I had gotten for each other. At first Ki was bored, and then seemed irritated. Finally, she exploded with her frustration,
"How come you didn't give me any presents, only Santa did!"

Rub-a-dub-dub, Three in the tub

AJ, Ki and I have been all taking a bath together for some time now. It is a sweet time to chat, play and catch up on everyone’s day. (I realize it is not for the body conscious family, but it has worked for us). I can vouch that we are saving an amazing amount of water with this “family bath” format. But unfortunately, the kids are getting bigger, and alas, so am I. Despite the roomy oval shaped tub, it is now a tight fit. We align ourselves in the head-to-tail arrangement found in a can of sardines. Just prior to the end of the bath we rearrange sitting up in a straight line and do our mock toboggan sled race. In addition to getting larger, they are also getting older, and, sadly, I wonder if it is time to pull the plug on this family plan.
For awhile it was confusing as to who needed to wash their vagina and who needed to wash their penis. AJ kept declaring he had a vagina. Something I hoped he wouldn’t go public with. Vagina envy is not as widely accepted as the alternative.
Pubic hair has proved to be of only occasional mild interest, as are my breasts-which seem to be old news. However, the fun of rolling & pushing around my fat belly and placing small items in the pond formed by my belly button has provided endless fun.
I thought we had all the body parts appropriately named and understood. But a recent trio bath proved otherwise. I was having my period and forgot about this prior to entering the tub. Suddenly, AJ declared, “Mama, why do you have a string coming out of your penis?”. Wow, where to begin to answer. Perhaps it is not yet time to end the family scrub sessions.

Friday, December 29, 2006

A.J. on vacationing

Mommy, can we go the Tiger Woods?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

When people ask, "How are you?"

It's a common question.
Lately, I have to pause before I respond and say to myself, "Do they really want to know the answer to that question?". Because, if the anwer is truly "yes", then pull up a seat baby and sit on down. This is gonna take awhile. it...have some openings I need to fill

...AJ...I am worried...continued escalating behaviors...hitting, me and others...hit 2 kids at school...threatening language..rage...throwing things...slamming he in the process losing all self esteem...scares Ki...need to pursue a complete eval of this for him...scares me...makes me the heeated moments sucks my energy and fuels my rage bright and imaginative...but socially fragile...still no real friends...often wines and cries and makes me crazed with this behavior...coupled with the above behavior from AJ...but truly-such a joy concert with the dementia of Granny (living with us) who can ask the same question 4 or 5 times in a half hour....realizing it is the repetition of the repetition that makes me nuts...she often sets of the kids (who can be easy to set off) and she is no longer able to process or reason fully the signals to prevent this... an evening, let alone a full day with the 3 of them can leave me shaking with agitation...her condo is in escrow...all new to calls, faxes bla bla...need to get and meet with financial planner and lawyer...chest CT scan confirmed COPD (emphesyma, due to 20+ years of heavy smoking)...also a suspicious nodule in the lung...too small to know for sure what it is...too small to really evaluate further...could be cancer...a second opinion tomarrow at the "chest Clinic"...she can't remember the date, she shouldn't have to remember this...

my kitchen is a room is a is a mess...bedroom is a mess...I think it is a reflection of my mental status...scattered, uncomfortable, confused...

Where is the pause button on this life?

I am Special

The name for the new special Ed PTA we formed. Special Education Parent Teacher Association of Realcity.
This is made up of a group of women-who-do-too-much. You know: the ones who always volunteer, the ones who also work, most everyone has at least 2 kids, many of us with 2 or more kids receiving services and/or other kids who are “sensitive souls”. Our husbands are the ones who called out after us as we ran out the door for the planning meeting, “Do Not take on another thing!” But we did anyway. But I think the payback will be good. We want to have scheduled times for support for us as mothers and parents. We want to better educate the staff, at all levels, who work with our kids. We want special Ed staff in this district to feel supported. These ideas and aspirations directly serve us and our kids.

I am honored, motivated, scared, touched and overwhelmed at being directed toward the position of "President" for this group. Good leaders have good backers and this is a group to be reckoned with.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas tree

Last night we watched the move Polar Express with Pops, Granny and the kids. I love that movie. It visually captures the magical essence of Santa and Christmas.
Today Pops, the kids and doggie went and chopped down the Christmas tree. I had convinced myslef it would be a mudbath in a down pour-not so. So a nice surprise. Ki is constantly singing Xmas songs. She is happy to sing outloud to her holiday self and is completely unaware that the rest of the shoppers in the store are within earshot. Such sweet, happy moments with this lack of concern for others opinions and the joy of singing just for singings sake.
I love this age where they are so into Santa and the magic of Christmas.

Those "special" friendships

The one problem with having girlfriends whose kid(s) also have special needs is that when you are really having a shitty time, you can pretty much guarantee they are too. We take solace in the fact that our shitty times are different from house to house. And of course worse or better at varying times. How nice it is to have relationships where you can share the insanity and look for support, but not be playing one upsmanship (sp??). And our families, they come up with some wild stuff.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Note to self

Remember NOT to ask your child to go get pajamas and start a bath and then 5 min later ask her if she wants to play a video game... lots of water in the bathroom.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

You're Invited!

I kinda resent when I get an evite addressed to me and then when I open it, it is for one of those home based businesses someone is doing now.They didn't invite me over ever before...

Sunday, December 03, 2006


well it s now long past Thanksgiving. Butan update. Last year, and prior to that, I have been frenetic the day of running around cooking .lunch, dinner, setting the table. I ahve became the cooking matriarch of this unusal bunch of family that joins together just a few times a year. The cast:
Aunt M: coming in at the oldest 96, I think, and still living alone (She goes to church everyday, never married or had kids...makes ya wonder). Sharp as a tac, but wobbly and hearing impaired.
E and E: married: some cousin twice removed or something, ages approx 82 and 72. He just had a knee replaced and took a tumble down the front porch after dinner, seemed fine.
My Mom: nearly 81. Spry, but memory challanged.
The General: Pop's Dad. The guy who takes being called The General a compliment, and he is not in the military- age 70.
Cousin L: also twice removed or something. Age 60. Fun to be with.
Cousin C: aged 67 or so. Her Mom married somebodies Dad or brother somewhere along the way.
Uncle J: Pops brother, coming in as the youngest adult at 37. Never married, pathologically shy.
My kids ages 5 and newly, 8.
Me and Pops.
Some of them have kids, but do not see them at holidays, if at all. Others never married. It really is a bit like a sit com.
So this is why a the age of 43 I have become the holiday matriarch. I am the only female with house large enough etc etc. APops house is huge as all get out. for some unknown reason. But it is better to have the kids here and to be in a decorated house and cook with my own stuff.
so this year I was smarter and i did lots the night before. said no more to cooking lunch AND dinner. Put out appetizers to snack on all day that didn't require cooking. And frankly, this crowd are not fancy eaters. So dinner was not wacky fancy. we ate: brined turkey, real mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, stuffing with cranberreis and walnuts, fresh and canned cranberry sauce. Ki made pumpkin pie with Pops and AJ and made and apple crisp. Others brought drinks, bread and salad. It was a good meal and I didn't feel psycho!