Where oh where have I been

I haven't been posting much lately.
Crazy time of year.
Random thoughts in a stream of consciousness order with out the time needed for grammar and punctuations. followed by a healthy spell check:
i turned 44. had to do the math there for a second. part of me is sad that i am a mini-van driving, overweight, age spotted frumpy gal. i feel like i have a good soul and energy for most of the time and that beauty shines through. but it would be nice to feel prettier on the outside too. of course i know much of that i could change by diet and exercise. but i regress to stress/addictive eating.

aj has been on the meds for adhd for a couple weeks now. some help with his focus at school and home has been noted. i had wished for more. we can try another drug for a bit and compare (i have perscrip) i had hoped for a change in the daily occurring ugly behaviors of tantrums, yelling, name calling, blow ups, etc. i realize i am sad that this is not "fixed" at all. now what do i do. i know i need a good strong behavioral plan. it is SO hard to be consistent and ....all

in the paper today is an article about stress, it further confirmed for me that lately i am experiencing more stress then i ever have in my life. i could take more happy pills (anti-depressants) but that is not the answer, as the situation won't change. the combo of aj and granny is more then i can handle. or they are the lion's share. pops is working hard to help out too.

xmas is hard too. i love it and i tried to start things early. but it is always a lot. we will be having a total 14 of somewhat related people here for xmas dinner. and lucnh for some of them. yikes.

living here is like a fun house. there is furniture and belongings piled on top of everything. part of it is that im am an unorganized slob. the other parrt is that there are five people living here using 2 bedrooms, and all of my ever expanding work stuff filling the (Bedroom) office and threatening to take over the rest of the house. pops and i have talked and in the new year i have got to move my office and rent office space and really get my clinic up

also-i don't think i can have granny here 24/7. it is getting too hard. the chemical combo of her and aj and ki and pops and me and ...
she has significantly declined in the last few months she asks the same question or pursues tha same task within minutes of previously engaging in. again i say "in the new year" that feels like a relief to say not-now-but-then. except when "then" comes and I feel totally overcome by all that needs to be done.