Sunday, December 10, 2006

When people ask, "How are you?"

It's a common question.
Lately, I have to pause before I respond and say to myself, "Do they really want to know the answer to that question?". Because, if the anwer is truly "yes", then pull up a seat baby and sit on down. This is gonna take awhile. it...have some openings I need to fill

...AJ...I am worried...continued escalating behaviors...hitting, me and others...hit 2 kids at school...threatening language..rage...throwing things...slamming he in the process losing all self esteem...scares Ki...need to pursue a complete eval of this for him...scares me...makes me the heeated moments sucks my energy and fuels my rage bright and imaginative...but socially fragile...still no real friends...often wines and cries and makes me crazed with this behavior...coupled with the above behavior from AJ...but truly-such a joy concert with the dementia of Granny (living with us) who can ask the same question 4 or 5 times in a half hour....realizing it is the repetition of the repetition that makes me nuts...she often sets of the kids (who can be easy to set off) and she is no longer able to process or reason fully the signals to prevent this... an evening, let alone a full day with the 3 of them can leave me shaking with agitation...her condo is in escrow...all new to calls, faxes bla bla...need to get and meet with financial planner and lawyer...chest CT scan confirmed COPD (emphesyma, due to 20+ years of heavy smoking)...also a suspicious nodule in the lung...too small to know for sure what it is...too small to really evaluate further...could be cancer...a second opinion tomarrow at the "chest Clinic"...she can't remember the date, she shouldn't have to remember this...

my kitchen is a room is a is a mess...bedroom is a mess...I think it is a reflection of my mental status...scattered, uncomfortable, confused...

Where is the pause button on this life?


  1. I wonder if you need an escape button instead of a pause button? Do you have to wait for your mom's condo to sell before she can transition to her new home?

    We are home in the afternoon, after 3:30 usually--you are always welcome to come over and let the kids run around in the yard as much as they want, your mom is welcome too.

  2. yup, pretty wild and bet feels insane.
    it sounds like you need a night out... how about an afternoon shopping?
    let me know.

  3. Girlfriend, even your mama remembers where the pause button is! It is on top of the spout of the wine box, of course. Or for the Cap'n maybe it is the play button on her ipod. Sometimes for me it can be the on button of my computer (where I can take my own little time out when my ship gets too crazy). Or the button on bath spout that I pull for the shower to turn on, so I can toss in the kids and have 20 minutes of relative calm. Whereever your pause button is, paint it red so you can push it quickly in an emergency.