Kids Birthday Parties

I hate 'em.
I have yet to have a birthday pary for either of my kids in the last 2 years. Aj turned 9 in Nov and Ki turned 7 in Jan. I do need to give credit that we went out to the dinner of their choice and had gifts and cake on their b-days.But with both I have talked with them about havin ga party and they, of course, want one.
With AJ I am afraid "typical" kids won't want to come. Or that he'll have a major blowout, like is occurring a few times daily recently, and end up stigmatizing himself furhter. Pops and I had discussed having an indoor soccer party (there is an indoor soccer place in town). So the idea is good-a situation where he looks most typical. I am just not sure who all to invite, how to get invites out etc. All the boys in his class plus a few others that play soccer at recess??????
For Ki I am not sure what to do interms of what type of party (she is not really specifying) or where to have it, as it is winter. Again, should it be just a few kids or more?? Girls, boys ???? Boys, of course top her list. But I am fearful of hurting anyone's feelings as that is the bane of the existence of a special needs parent.
Then there is the other side of the coin. Aj not getting invited to birthday things. Yesterday after school a few of the same kids were playing on the playground and one of them said-"OKAY LET'S GO FOR.." And she was quickly interrupted by her mother sitting next to me who said "Don't say that, we aren't (or can't) take everyone for ice cream." She then explained that it was her dtrs bday and she told her she could take a few friends out for ice cream after school. Which, of course did not include Aj.
""Oh it's okay I don' think the other kids heard," I said, trying to make light. Of course the Mom then apologized saying that they had known this family and that since the girl was 4. I could tell she was uncomfortable and didn't want to hurt my feelings, she is a nice gal. But I teared up after she left anyway. What would have been a little thing for that family would have been a huge thing for Aj (and me!). Offering to have us join them would have been ideal.
Of course Alex had no idea about all of this. Which is good.

Anyone want to be my birhtday party planning consultant and counselor for RSVP's?