Ah yes. Back to the ol' emergency room at Stafford Hosp.
This am AJ was in the front yard playing with Java and on his way in he slammed his finger in the very large and heavy front door.
Lots of screamiing and crying and unsettling of the entire family-rightfully so.
Over to the MD office who sends us to the ER.
(Actually I am here as I write. We see a professional every 15 or 20 min and then they disappear again. The place is practicallyy devoid of patients-so I am unclear where they are and what they are doing. The good news is cable TV with ESPN and AJ and Pops watching NBA plyaoffs and me on the computer they have in the room)
They have valet parking at ER. $8.00. Never miss an opportunity to hit up panicked, ill people for money! (We didn't fall for it)
I pause-a huge tantrum in ER now. In our room. Not because of pain. But because I just had to tell AJ he won't be going to his baseball game today. He is yelling and screaming and it is "your fault Mama!" Staff is gathering. I stepped out of the room to let him be with Pops. Last time we were here he emptied the staff station with his screams when I told him at 11pm that (due to impending surgery) he would not be getting the milkshake I had promised.
When we arrived in ER Kurt and I logged in our head which of the beds in the adult and pedi ER our family has previously been in. We've visited a fair number of them.
Attending MD is a buff and wears tight scrubs top and tight pants and his name is... Dr. Ross Braun. Could I make that up?
My tolerent mood...fading...
bla bla bla ...
they just put in nerve block in AJ's finger to control pain for other procedures. takes resident 3 tries. AJ held down by 2 -3 people. lon needle-lots of poking.
then he his fine and chatting about about sports and the game he is watching.
bla bla bla ...
nail off , in , out, suture. I leave the room, my head is spinnning.
bla bla bla...
XRAY tip seems fractured we have a call in to Ortho....Liklely do oral antibiotics in case open fracture. (Broken arm last year with open fracutre led to surgery to flush.)
...good it his right hand... he is left handed...but you use both in baseball
bla bla...
more cleaning and a suture and they ask me to leave ahead of time. Pops is with him. AJ is in no pain and is watching TV while they work. Harder on me.
Brings up thoughts of how it seems like this guy can't get a break. Yesterday sent home early from school b ecause he tripped and fell and hit his head on pavement. He is fine. But at times like this I start to log all the things that have not gone well for him, what I haven't done right by him.
no play dates...no friends really...too much TV....not enough reading. Now I am sad and crying. It is hitting me now.
Bruany is done in the other room I think. I'm heading back.
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What a nasty, nasty day for you and yours. I hope he is doing much better now. and that you are past the obligatory parent "i must find a way to blame myself" part - i tend to wallow in that for at least a week myself, but hope you are a faster learner than I.
ReplyDeleteYour son is so, so lucky to have you as a mom.
love, mb
I, too, was going to comment on the guilt trip part, although reading mb's comment, I realize that after almost 8 years I still haven't learned myself...
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you.
I think you are a great mom, amiga.
ReplyDeleteI know this from first experience (I saw you in action many times). We all have what I call the-self-inflicted-wounds, which are those areas where we don't feel as hot as parents, and yet, we tent to focus so much attention and then feel horrible.
I personally struggle daily with parenting. It is difficult, and it seems (to me) I never do enough of a good job.
We do the best that we can with the tools that we have, and you are a great mom.
much love