Monterey Bay Aquarium

Pops and I also had not been here since we visited when dating-some 13 or 14 years ago. So, yes, it has changed.
I LOVE IT. Anyone would.
I see why Leelo loves it. Aj was in heaven. For kids in our tribe it is SUPER-DUPER tremendous.
Let's just think about the joys found there from the perspecitve of an ASD, PDD-NOS type of mind.
water-everywhere
RUNNING water in many places
WATER YOU CAN TOUCH
You can stand in a glass enclosed space and have waves pour over your head-and stay dry. Or go to the space outside and the mist from the waves will tickle you.
Sardines. I have a whole new appreciation for those stinky, icky fish that I have no intention of ever eating. They are shiney silver swimming bullets. But get this, they swim in large schools in CIRCLES. There is even one aquarium that is over-head in a dome shape. Let's just get the gang together and we can all lie on our backs under that dome and hve one big stim session. It could be a "stim in", you know like a sit in.
THE JELLY FISH. Wildly amazing jelly fish in tanks with brilliant blue backgrounds. These kick ass over a lava lamp anyday.

"What I did over Spring Break" by themama

Day one here at Pajara Dunes
(for those not in the know this is a gated beach community of sorts. there are many condos as well as homes on a private stretch of beach in Watsonville-about 1 hour from my home with no traffic).

Pops took the kids out on the beach in the am and ran them. In the afternoon Pops, kids and I headed over to The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. I hadn't been there since I was on a date there with Pops about 13 or 14 years ago. Kind of a nostalgic-hip-tacky-fun place all wrapped up in one. It was VERY quiet as it is not summer yet. Only a few of the rides were open. Aj wanted to go on one of the roller coasters-so he and I did. He said he wasn't scared, but about 2/3 of the way through his "ahh,ooo" screams of joy changed to more of an "AAAAHHHH" quality and I could tell he was scared. Luckilly, the ride ended quickly and he was fine. I asked if he wanted to go again and he said no.
I had Pops take my picture by the cart that sells FRIED TWINKIES. Now I eat a lot of crap, but the thought of that makes me cringe. They weren't open-so I can't pass on any meaningful description of what they look like. I'll leave that up to your little mind.
There is a carasel built in 1911 there. It is beautifully painted and has horses with real horse-hair tails. They also still have the arm that holds rings you can grab as you go by. Grab a ring and then try and throw it into the mouth of a huge clown on the wall.
And then there is the beach. It is wide and the whole image is so "California". I am fairly certain that my temperature-challanged son was the only person in this or any nearby conunty that enjoyed swimming. We had to haul him out of the water before his little fingers start to freeze and snap off in the 50ish degree water.
Aj was SO excited to call jennyalice and tell her all about his day. She kindly listenedand queried about his escapades.
Then back to the dunes and the usual daily bath to cleanse the salty, sandy Aj.
Ki and I then made a cake (cake mix for us). Last time we were here she declared it Tiggers Birthday. So since we are back-it is his birthday again. There is not much regard for time, as I think it has been only 9 months. However, his age marches on appropriatley, last visit he turned 5 and this visit 6. After returning from a dinner of mexican food she frosted the cake. Tigger and his best friend Water, the penguin (not currently in his cop outfit) joined us at the table. They were each propped in their own chairs. Tigger required max assist propping. He is absent of any head or trunk control due to severe low tone as a result of his stuffing shrinking and shifting over time. Using recently discovered toothpicks as pretend candles, Ki spelled out a "T" on the cake. We rounded the table and sang happy birthday while Ki lovingly held Tiggers head up to blow out the candles.

Beach Play

Down here at Pajaro Dunes on night number four.
Today very-thoughtful Pops took kids and Granny home so I could have an evening and portion of a day to myself without the brood and the broohaha that goes with. I thnk Granny was a bit miffed that I sent her off with Pops and the kids. She and Pops have an amicable relationship at best. Here on the second floor I have a full view of the ocean, the Watsonville river and crop fields banking it. For you Hot Mama's out there this is the place some of yo have been to before. The best part is I am cuddled on the couch with a wireless laptop and need to move to see the view. My playdate will be arriving with in the next hour or so. Artie, the hot mama who does all the art. We'll have dinner out, a comfy evening, good coffee inthe morning and head on home. aahhh
I have got to get the hot mamas down here again! This place just kicks butt.

Piggie Poo

Per jennyalice he is still pooing and alive. I ahome tomorrowe and will check in.

My Sweet Guinea Pig Buddy

Buddy the guinea pig has been a mainstay in my office for over a couple of years. He is a beautiful tri-color, long haired pig. Sad news here, I looks like he will die in the next few days. He has had a cough, but as I checked his water before we left town yesterday it was apparent that he is severely ill. It is hard to know how much money to spend on a pet... I held him for a bit and pet him. I feel sad and a bit guilty. At this point I hope he dies quickly so he is not in pain. I am glad I am not at home or I would be obsessed with both going in to and avaoiding the office. I don't want to have to find him dead and deal with that. Another reason why I hope he dies while we are gone. Fortunately, the kids do not seem too attached to him.

Poor jennyalice agreed to feed, walk and water the zoo. Nice of me to leave her a dying pet. She really doesn't care for the rat-footed piggies, so I guess that is good. No sadness for her.

I am not sure what to do with his body. Should I bury it in the back yard? Frankly, there isn't really a good spot that isn't lawn or root bound. But I don't know that I feel comfortable putting him the trash-even if he is wrapped up nicely. Thoughts? I'll talk to Pops also.

Many of my past and current speech clients are in love with Buddy. Kids who no longer see me still ask their Mom's about Buddy. He is fed many times a day by his adoring fans. He has patiently tolerated many a dump of hay on his head, turning up-side down of his house and the flinging of food pellets. As well, he has allowed my 2labs to stick their tongues in between the squares on the cage or to push the cage around so that they could eat little morsels from his cage.

I need to let the parents of the kids I see know that Buddy will be gone when they return after spring break. I may contact my teacher friend at the preschool mentioned below on how she is handling the demise of Wilbur with her preschoolers. It will be interesting to see the reaction of the kids who have been fond of him.

I do have Sammy the guinea pig. He lives in the family room. He was supposed to be a companion for Buddy-but he seemed more interested in trying to kill Buddy-hence his home in the famly room. I could move him in-but it is not a straight trade out as Sammy has funky long hair, is mostly white and unfortunately has pink colored eyes. But he is very sweet, likes to be pet and eats like a horse. Oh-and my husband would love to get rid of the pig in the family room. But it would be fun to get a baby piggie to raise. I could have a contest with clients and family to name him/her.
Updates to follow.

Wilbur the Guinea Pig

When Ki was younger we had her in a co-op preschool. The school rents space inside of a church. My job our last year was as the official "pet care taker". I cared for Bo the white rat. Then mid year he uh, kicked off. But I have to say prior to that he had a great time over winter break at my house. He became obsessed with escaping from his cage and roaming our home. This once included traversing from my office all the way into the kitchen and adorning my mother's foot while she did the dishes. Luckily, she is unfazed by animals and rats.

Following Bo's demise and subsequent burial in a Cheerios box in the trash can, it was my mission to replace the preschool fuzzy pet. I lobbied to get a guinea pig, as they are not as offensive to many a Mommy as a rat. Also, they are fairly hardy asthe weigh 1 1/2 to 3 pounds. Better in my opinion, then say, a hamster whose little legs can snap off too easilly.

So I became obsessed with adopting an adult guinea pig. I found one on Craig's List. A handsome guy whose pet-loving family held him often. So Wilbur, the sweet and tubby guinea pig, became a member of the preschool. Our time overlapped at the preschool for 6 months and then Ki moved on to kindergarten. Overtime I occasionally inquired about Wilbur.

Last week Squid was kind enough to call and let me know that Wilbur had passed on. I think he had a good life. How many piggies get little kids sliding fresh veggies into their cages all day?

A few days later I got the following e-mail from a friend who is still at the school:

I popped by the school yesterday to grab my daughter's jacket that she'd left on her hook. As I was going in the outside door, there was an elderly church volunteer reading the sign that the teacher had put up on the outside door about Wilbur's death and to not tell any of the other students yet. He was shaking his head very sadly and then looked at me, realized that I was from the school, and said "this is SO tragic!". And I said, "I know, he was about the cutest one we'd ever had". And then the man looked even sadder and said well, "what happened to the little boy?! Then I realized that he thought Wilbur was one of the children at the school!! So I straightened that out for him that he was our school pet.

Maybe the next one can be called Fluffy or something.

( :

Ki lost her second tooth

Dear tooth Firey
I am sorry but I lostt My tooth yesterday
I lost my tooth at Roy Clown scool When I was walk to the hafis. when I got ther it was gond.
from
Ki.
P.S. Plese give me monny

I, the sandwich

I remember when Granny first moved in my friend Bea pointed out that I was living the sandwich generation. You know-taking care of your kids and parents at the same time.
I told her the good news was that the 2 pieces of bread really got along great.

Fast forward nearly 2 years. Aj has gotten more volatile and Granny has lost her skills at modulating her responses to the kids. Two weeks ago I had an evening meeting to go to and Pops was due home 45 minutes after I left. I put sandwiches ready to be grilled and a hunk of ham on the counter. Evidently, Alex wanted some ham and either was or wasn't using a knife to cut the ham. He and Granny got into a disagreement. Then Aj kicked Granny in the shin. Now if this isn't bad enough, Granny has the old-lady skin that splits and bleeds if you snort at it. The result was a BIG gash on her leg. This was just 2 inches from another slow-healing sore on her leg that was from her walking into a toy in the family room.
Last week her leg began to look infected and I took her to the doctor.
The role of her poor memory meant that on the way to the doctor she asked 10 times (I counted) why we were going. Also, when the doctor said, "So, how did you do this?". She said she didn't remember.
So in the sandwich life, I am working to hold it all together and not leave the bread without the filling.
I don't want to find out what it means when Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services go to battle with me in the middle.

Ninja's

Today Ki said.
"Okay, you be the Momma Ninja. Granny you be Old Ninja. And I am going to go outside and do what Ninja's do best."

A name is important

Can we really have a president with the name "Huckabee"?
That name makes me giggle.
Of course "Mitt" was a name no go, too.
Obama is different, but it doesn't make me giggle.

I am the responsible adult

Well someone thinks so.
I am hanging out at doubletrouble's house acting as the "responsible adult" that must be present while the boys, A and B, receive ABA.
I greeted the bus and brought the boys inside. The boys and I toileted, snacked and we chatted and now they are off with their tutors in the other room. I got to spend a half hour total with A and B, which was nice. I could really see where they are at right now (both have autism). Having known them for 6 years now (yikes!) I can really appreciate how far they have come.
A. is really tremendous. He follows directions, answers yes and no questions, tells me his name when I ask, makes super eye contact, smiles and is engaging. And SO much talking. Lots of reciprical responses and attempts to verbalize.
Brother B is more engaging as well. He is also quite busy. I mean BUSY. I mean check on what he is up to every 2 to 3 min. He is doing so nicely at using the bathroom and going thru ther whole routine. He is SO much more present.
I remember when both guys ate only chips and rice/noodles or pureed soup. Now they eat so many diferent things it is incredible. So many nice changes. This is the beauty of the tribe of families. We are moving along in time here-we can really appreciate each others kids and the wonderful changes they have made.
Back to the moment - At the moment I am ALONE in a room (how often does that happen!) drinking a freshly brewed cup of coffee, blogging and listening to a Norah JOnes CD that I borrowed off the shelf and downloaded onto my computer. Nice gig, eh? When people find out how good a deal this is they will be lining up at the door!

Psyche Ward

This morning I felt like I was working on a psyche ward. Aj UNHINGED when I turned off the tv. Rule is supposed to be we turn it off at 7:30 am to get ready for school. I turned off his sports show where he, in hindsight, was waiting to watch for the score of a "very important" basketball game. He raged for 20 minutes. Of course Granny emerged from the bedroom asking him what was wrong and further added to the fun. My poor, sweet, Ki was appropriately distressed by all of this. Even when I touch base every so often and say "Ki, I am fine. Mommy is fine."
She was late for school and very distressed.
When I finally take them to school we are like 25 minutes late. In the office with us are of course the 2 volunteer do-gooders (honestly) of the school. The PTA president and the 8 months pregnanat brownie leader. Both of whom I have let down and flaked on in terms of following-up on so many things that I can't even begin to list them here. I left school tearful and feeling like crap. Cancelled my 2 am clients and am now hibernating at jennyalice's house. I just need to get out of the pit of my house and away from my Mom. Jennyalice is out shopping and knows I am here. The dogs don't even bark when I come over anymore. I finished the coffee, have started in on a container of small biscotti and 3 pieces of candy. I brought work over and just finished some email follow up -so I feel good about that.

Life sucks sometimes.

My Girl, talkin' 'bout my little girl

Ki was invited to 4 birthday parties in 4 days. Yeah! Although, she still pretty much plays on her own
One of the parties was held at Build A Beare. If you haven't been into one of these mall-based shops you need to check it out for entertainment.
The children choose from a variety of animals. Mostly there are bears. And many are cute pink, purple and otherwise girly type animals.
After choosing and stuffing the animal you can't get out of the store without purusing thru the bazillion outfits designed for the animals. They have it all, shoes, socks, and yes, even Hello Kitty underwear for the stuffed animlas to wear. I have to say I was impressed to see a wheelchair and perscription-type glasses. I give kudos for that.
Back to the party. I told Ki I would pay the extra fee for her to get any animal she wanted. Her favorite animal is the penguin, and we'd just seen the move Surf's Up. So she chose the penguin. No surprise there. On the provided birth certificate she named him, Water.
When the stuffing was done and the party over-I told her she could pick out an outfit for him. Well, a majority of the outfits are princess like or dresses. Lots of Valentine type outfits. I walked around with her and pointed out all outfits not containing a skirt or the heinous color of pink. That left us with: sports, military professional uniforms, fisherman, movie characters and a hiker among others.
So as the other girls packed home a new bear dressed in it's feminine finest,
my girl left hugging a penguin dressed as a...cop.

Yes, Yes, Yes- I'll do that

I have heard there are personalities that are "starters" and there are others that are "doers or finishers". I am a starter. I get a high from planning, organizing and creating. BUT, I then have trouble following thru with my grand plans and over commitments. Then I add to the fun by creating my own chaos and discontent in any way possible. I am swimming in this today. The amount of undone, dropped and discontinued obligations, projects and relationships is making me gasp for air. The thing that is so annoying, and really makes me feel like folding in, is that I did this myself. I have a history of doing this, of being flakey and cutting myself off at the knees. It is not so much that i say "yes" too often it is these wacky behaviors I engage in. Always saying "sorry" is a cop out.

Face book

I am on facebook. Someone invited me. And she is cool and smart and I admire her so I joined or opened an account or whatever.
I am here to admit that I really have no idea how it works or what to do with it.

People email and ask if I want to be their friend. Well, of course that sounds great to the child ego in me. I just don't know what you do after I accet their invitation of friendship.

I saw that you could "poke" someone. It sounds a bit intimate to me. But I went ahead and did it anyway. Turns out that friend was a newby too. She emailed me and said she wasn't sure what it meant to be "poked". I said I wasn't ether.

In general, I guess my lack of knowledge and gneral interest kinda shows my age and my going challanges with the technical world.

A new blog

I am starting an additional blog.
Check it out over time as I get it going.
www.speechmama.blogspot.com

A First in History

So very likley that the Democratic nominee in our country will be either a black man or a woman. I did not think I would see either if these in my lifetime. I feel hopeful about the people of our country.

FDA Warns Epilepsy Drugs May Raise Suicide Risk

Interesting study sumary below. I also understand depression is more common in individuls with epilepsy than the general population. It is true for me.Oh I guess I never put that in the "about me" section of the blog.
I still can't tell from the various articles if the control group also had epilepsy-I would assume so to make this a remotely valid study. Yes, my medication is listed... I have felt really low before-but I don't think ever suicidal.



FDA Warns Epilepsy Drugs May Raise Suicide Risk
01.31.08, 12:00 AM ET


THURSDAY, Jan. 31 (HealthDay News) -- Commonly used antiepileptic drugs may boost the risk of suicide among patients who use them, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned Thursday.
A review of 199 studies comparing 11 of these drugs to placebos found that patients taking the drugs had about twice the risk of suicidal behavior compared with patients taking a placebo. In fact, of the almost 44,000 patients in the studies, four people taking antiepileptic drugs committed suicide while none of the patients receiving a placebo did.

"We have been looking at these drugs since 2005," said FDA spokeswoman Sandy Walsh. "We have just come to the conclusion that it's time to alert heath-care providers."

Currently, some of drug labels do list suicide or suicidal behavior as a side effect, but others don't, Walsh noted.

The drugs included in the warning are: Carbamazepine (marketed as Carbatrol, Equetro, Tegretol, Tegretol XR), Felbamate (marketed as Felbatol), Gabapentin (marketed as Neurontin), Lamotrigine (marketed as Lamictal), Levetiracetam (marketed as Keppra), Oxcarbazepine (marketed as Trileptal), Pregabalin (marketed as Lyrica), Tiagabine (marketed as Gabitril), Topiramate (marketed as Topamax), Valproate (marketed as Depakote, Depakote ER, Depakene, Depacon) and Zonisamide (marketed as Zonegran). Some of these drugs are also available as generics.

According to the FDA, antiepileptic drugs are used to treat epilepsy, bipolar disorder, migraine headaches and other conditions.

Over the next several months, the agency intends to work with drug companies to change the labels of the drugs to reflect this risk, Walsh said. "We will be working with the companies to make sure the latest data is reflected in their prescribing information and labeling," she said. In addition, the agency will hold an advisory committee meeting on the issue.

The 11 drugs listed above were included in the studies the FDA analyzed. However, the agency expects that the increased risk of suicidality is present in all antiepileptic drugs and so the labeling changes will be applied to all drugs in the class.

As of now, the FDA is advising patients not to make any changes in their medication without talking to their doctor, Walsh said. "Caregivers should pay close attention to changes in mood, behavior and actions," she said. "They should be aware of the development of these symptoms."

One expert supported the FDA's move to require drug makers to have a warning about the possibility of suicidal behavior on the product label.

"This is not new, it's something that has been known for a long time," said Epilepsy Foundation Vice President John Schneider.

Schneider noted that some people with epilepsy may be clinically depressed, so it's hard to tell whether it's the medication or the condition that is causing the suicidal behavior.

"Patients need to know their medications," Schneider said. "The goal should be no seizures and no side effects."

Another expert finds the association between antiepileptic medicines and suicide surprising.

"We do know that the incidence of comorbid affective [emotional] disorders and risk of suicide is higher in patients with epilepsy compared with the general population, and therefore it is not surprising to see higher incidence of suicide in the FDA report," said Dr. Gholam Motamedi, director of the Epilepsy Service at Georgetown University Hospital, in Washington, D.C.

However, the data showing a raised risk of suicide with medication use is surprising, Motamedi said.

"It's also surprising to attribute suicide to the antiepileptic drugs, per se, because a good number of these drugs are used in psychiatry for their positive effects on mood and depression," Motamedi said. "Nevertheless, this emphasizes the importance of screening for signs and symptoms of depression and suicidal tendencies in the epilepsy clinics."

Meeting with Brunhilda

Pops and I have a mtg in 20 min with Brunhilda (Aj's teacher)and inclu specialist and another SPED person to finally sign IEP. (Remember last time I blew up?).
I called the mtg b/c I want to know how he is doing now that he is on meds, and what else we should look at for him.
It is a bit like PTSD, I dread this teachers comments.
SPED person is so good because he already told inclu spec and myself that the mtg will start with him asking her-"So, tell us about what is going well for Aj." As she herself can't seem to frame this. So I feel supported that way,
but still tender given: prior experiences, birthday thing posted below was yesterday.

Kids Birthday Parties

I hate 'em.
I have yet to have a birthday pary for either of my kids in the last 2 years. Aj turned 9 in Nov and Ki turned 7 in Jan. I do need to give credit that we went out to the dinner of their choice and had gifts and cake on their b-days.But with both I have talked with them about havin ga party and they, of course, want one.
With AJ I am afraid "typical" kids won't want to come. Or that he'll have a major blowout, like is occurring a few times daily recently, and end up stigmatizing himself furhter. Pops and I had discussed having an indoor soccer party (there is an indoor soccer place in town). So the idea is good-a situation where he looks most typical. I am just not sure who all to invite, how to get invites out etc. All the boys in his class plus a few others that play soccer at recess??????
For Ki I am not sure what to do interms of what type of party (she is not really specifying) or where to have it, as it is winter. Again, should it be just a few kids or more?? Girls, boys ???? Boys, of course top her list. But I am fearful of hurting anyone's feelings as that is the bane of the existence of a special needs parent.
Then there is the other side of the coin. Aj not getting invited to birthday things. Yesterday after school a few of the same kids were playing on the playground and one of them said-"OKAY LET'S GO FOR.." And she was quickly interrupted by her mother sitting next to me who said "Don't say that, we aren't (or can't) take everyone for ice cream." She then explained that it was her dtrs bday and she told her she could take a few friends out for ice cream after school. Which, of course did not include Aj.
""Oh it's okay I don' think the other kids heard," I said, trying to make light. Of course the Mom then apologized saying that they had known this family and that since the girl was 4. I could tell she was uncomfortable and didn't want to hurt my feelings, she is a nice gal. But I teared up after she left anyway. What would have been a little thing for that family would have been a huge thing for Aj (and me!). Offering to have us join them would have been ideal.
Of course Alex had no idea about all of this. Which is good.

Anyone want to be my birhtday party planning consultant and counselor for RSVP's?

Granny

I am having to remind Granny not to wear the same pants & shirt for 3 days in a row and to get her hair done (washed because it looks dirty).
It just occurred to me a few days ago that if this is the case it is most likely that she is not remembering to shower regularly. So Mon I reminded her and told her to take a shower. She gives me this slightly pissy look and voice, like you are so condescending. And I would sound the same way if I were her.

SEPTAR Presentation

Today Double trouble and I presented about SEPTAR to principals and dept heads for our school district. Signora Blog was there in spirit too, as I was wearing the fancy black Italian loafers that no longer fit her and were donated to me.It seemed to go wel despite my being a bit nervous. Double Trouble alwyas does a great job. Good advertising, so to speak. We are lucky to have a Spec Ed Director that is so supportive of us.

Ki as an adult

Evidently my newly-7-year-old-daughter will be about 5'9" as an adult. She is currently 90th%ile for height and 75th%ile for weight.

Spinach and Artichoke Calzone Recipe

Made a great quick dinner the other night and meant to give my dear friend Sandrini the recipe-and didn’t. So here ya go!!!! Compliments of Rachel Rayy. I got all ingredients at Traderr J’s (*) and modified to match

Spinach Artichoke Calzones
serves 4 to 6

2C part skim ricotta (*1 15 oz container was fine)
1/4 t ground nutmeg
Ground salt and pepper to taste
½ C/or couple handfuls parmigiano reggiano cheese (*use bag of shredded parmigianno)
*10 oz frozen chopped spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry
¾ bag of frozen artichoke hearts
2 cloves minced garlic
2 bags of prepared whole wheat pizza dough (from the refrigerator section)
2 C shredded mozzarella
1 jar of Tj’s pizza sauce

Preheat over to 450F


Combine ricotta, nutmeg, salt/pepper, parmigiano, spinach, artichokes, and garlic.
Take one container of dough and divide in half. Roll into oval/rectangle. Place
½ C mozzarella and ¼ of mixture on ½ of the rolled out dough and fold over. Roll over edges to seal. Repeat with remaining dough to create 4 calzones.
Place on pizza stone/cookie sheet and cook until dough is brown and cooked thru. (20 min plus)
Serve with warmed pizza sauce.

Wanna get away...

I did. So I came over to jennyalice's empty house and using my key, let myself in. It is SO quiet here it is unnerving. I miss noise. Need some music. Even the dog snoring isn't enough. Her house is decorated like mine. Pile here, pile there. So I move a pile and pop down at the dining room table to dawdle on the computer. So far I have had: a cup of coffee, a toasted croissant and 3 pieces of Sees's candy. The candy cupboard is well stacked as is fridge. I highly rec staying here. Price is right too.

When chewing is pricey

Earlier today I took Aj and Ki to TJ's grocery shopping. Suddenly, Aj was holding a $5.00 bill. When I asked him where he got it, he told me it had been in his pocket. Later, I let Aj go out front to watch for trains. I could see him and from a distance I noticed him put something in his mouth and begin to chew. Well, I hadn't given him any food. He wandered over then and I asked, "Aj what are you eating?!"
"Part of that $5.00."
"You are eating the $5.00?!"
"Not the whole thing, I put the rest in the trash."

Water, water everywhere

There is big storm here in No. Cal. Lots of rain. It occurred to me when I rolled out of bed this am that the sump pump was not going on. The front yard was flooding as it does when the sump pump is not working and there is lots of rain. So at 9:30 am I found myself outside in the rain shoveling sand and gravel wearing my pink rainboots, flannel Eeyore pajama pants and fleece coat. I called Pops home from work as there was flooding under and around the house, and it was increasing. In the meantime I caled jennyalice and asked for refuge. Ki and I went to her house and I took a hot shower there (as our plumbing usually goes out with flooding). She gave me a clean towel, toasted me a coissant and warmed coffee for me. That's a good friend. Then I had to go back home and face the water. Pops was busy digging trenches. We called the county again as it seems the line from the street is again dumping into the backyard. Luckilly, it wasn't sewage this time. I drove and bought a sump pump and got some sand bags. At home we worked more outside to change out the non-working sump pump. I changed out of my 2nd set of wet boots and clothes. We drove to get a sump pump that was the right size and more sand bags. Our calls to the county continued as the city and county were engaging in a pissing match over which of them were responsible for the flooding. Aj let us know that toilet in the back of the house had overflowed. At home by 4:15 the rain had stopped and Pops and I successfully replaced the sump pump and began draining under the house. My body will be sore tomorow as my ususal daily excerise of rolling from one side of the couch to the other isn't a match for shoveling gravel and hauling sand bags. Nothing is damaged, but we couldn't continue to have water rising under the house. As we were wrapping up I was called inside by Aj because Ki was vommitting. Aj had vommitting and dry heaves all night 2 nights ago. I changed out of my third set of wet clothes and boots just a few moments ago. Good news is the plumbing is working now and the rain and has stopped. Ki just vommitted again. We'll be ordering out for dinner. Wanna come over?

Feeding, Feeding, Feeding and Swallowng

I'm excited! I have spent the evening looking into courses on feeding and swallowing for pediatrics. I have found 3 that all sound very different and I can get to them. I think I can get to them. One is in San diego in 2 weeks -that would mean flying dowen and ataying w/ Dad and his wife. That would be good b/c I could visit with them. I could also then write off the flight and wouldn't have to pay for hotel. May still have to rent a car-mmm.
Another course is 2 or 3 weeks after that in So SF-very close.
A month after that is another course in Davis-Perhaps I could stay w/ Ali's Mom who lives there. Or maybe even my friend's friend...sounds like I'd be imposing possibly.
Anyway, the good news is that in 2 months I could have completed 39 continuing education hours specifically in pediatric swallowing and feeding. And I will be out $1,200.00 in course fees alone. But I think it is worth it. I love learning and it will be a good booost for my practice and for me professionally.
I should also look into becoming board certified in swallowing and swallowing disorders. This is a newer thing (a few years old) from my national professional organization. This certification from our national organization is not required, but is just a fancy thing to put after your name. When I was working regularly at Stanford I could've cleared all the req's in a heart beat. But I think it has been too long now.
I also looked into certification for NDT for pediatrics (neuro-developmental treatment). The focus of this certification is the evaluation and treatment of babies through adults with CP and related neuromotor difficulties. It is an 8 week full-time certification. Yes, you read that correctly. It didn't have the cost listed. But when I did the 3 week certification for adults with hemiplegia 10 years ago-that was ...I think $3,000.00 then. mmmm. I didn't have kids then and Stanford paid for part of it.
Lot's to think about. But very exciting!

Happy and Grace-I can smell that

I have 2 spray on fragrances that I enjoy. One is "Happy" by Cliniquee. The other, which is new to me, is called "Grace" by Philosophy.
I like what is printed on the box and will share it on this first day of 2008.
Amazing Grace
philosophy:
how you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. and, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big gigantic lesson. in the end, it all comes down to one word. grace. it's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.

If spraying on Happy and Grace can help me to achieve those states, I am all for it. Want a squirt?

Poopy Puppy

This morning i was rolling and playing with the kids in bed. I noticed Java hadn't been around, which is un usual. I called her a few times. No go. Suddenly I heard her zip thru the doggie door and then she bounded onto the bed. She had wet paws and legs and a dirty, wet snout.
Then the data collated in my head.
toilet plugged up in our bathroom... shower not draining... sump pump on and off since yesterday-when it was not raining...that is not mud on her snout
POOPY PUPPY!!!
I went in the backyard and found water and sewage flowing like a river across the yard.
Now for the good news. I put in a call to a plumber and Pops called the county. Mr. County plumber arrived first. So while the crap that is flowing all over the yard may be the neighbors-it is due to a problem in the line on the street versus a pipe in our yard! So there will be no cost to us!!!!!!!!
So that is good news to me. I guess it is all in perspective taking. But I won't be inviting anyone over for a backyard picnic anytime soon.

A New Year is Upon Us

I feel like all of my creativity, time and energy for more then the the last month was devoted to the holidays and Christmas. Of course that was my choice. But as a result I have taken a huge mental vacation from: working on plans for Mom, my therapy practice and necessary work to expand and move, Aj's IEP, cleaning and organizing home and office, Aj and meds, Special Ed PTA, local school PTA, outline for a talk I am giving and the play dates I say I am going to organize and never do. So it is time to crack down. Many parts of it I look forward to. I like having projects etc that I am working on. But I must admit I prefer my work, presentations and PTA stuff to figuring out my kids and Granny. Oh and I prefer most things to cleaning. I also have down the ol' try to get more healthy. I am not going to commit myself to fail by saying I will exercise tons and diet. That is not real. My plan is to eat well, not excessively and poorly, and perhaps squeeze in some walking and yoga.
My practice continues to be somewhat slow. I am going to expand my practice into the area of pediatric feeding and swallowing. Given my training, teaching and clinical experience with adult swallowing disorders, motor speech disorders (apraxia and dysarthria), and SID (sensory integration disorder) this is not really much of a stretch. I have 3 courses I am looking into. From clinical reports for feeding/swallowing clients I have read from clinicians area, -this will be an area I feel I can take on and do a good job with. In terms of knowledge and experiences, I have most of the big pieces already. My confidence often runs behind my skill level. We'll see how it all plays out.

I love the two year olds

The other day I emailed a Mom whose two-year-old son I see for speech. I have been off for over a week, I wrote that I missed them. She replied:

we miss you, too. boy and i were playing up/down with some toys and i think he asked for you today. well, he either asked for you or a yogurt. i am still figuring out his language.

I will take that as a compliment-because I think he likes yogurt.

Granny's Arm

Ended up with a 4:30 pm MD apt. for Granny. Double Trouble graciously took and kept my growling, ungrateful children. Granny has lymphodema due removal of lymph nodes when she had a mastectomy 10 years ago. MD said she had an infection and that it was quite common in individuals who had lymphodema and was surprised she hadn't had it before. She got a shot of antibiotics and a perscription for abx pills. 24 hours later her arm looks better and is clearly improving. Good news. If that wasn't the case she would have needed IV antibiotics, meaning hospitalization. Nice to have avoided that.

Christmas Day Update

In no particular order:
=Aj got a CAL jersey and wanted to call jennyalice right away and tell her
=Pops got me a cooking class at Williams and Sonoma (he knows I like to cook), a lovely basket of my favorite scent from Crabtree and Evlyn and reservations for us at a place in Cambria. He is such a sweetie
=14 for dinner a group of somehow kinda maybe related people and some extras. I was a little worried when Cousin Harley Davidsonn and his fiance started doing vodka shots at 2 pm-but no worries after all.
=Pops father, whom I call The General (and he likes it), gave us a trip to Disney land last year. That was a 3 day trip with The General, Pops the kids and I. And actually it turned out great. So today for Xmas he gave it to us again. The kids are thrilled. Last year we went over spring break. This year I want to take them out of school.
=cookies and milk left out for Santa and carrots for reindeer
=Making as much food as possible in advance for xmas dinner is a good idea. But not if it includes a Butternut squash and banana puree dish. Despite its containing alcohol and orange juice and being covered and refrigerated, it will still turn and dark brown and resemble baby poop. We had a little less food than I orginally planned.
=I love it when the kids yell,"Oh Santa, this is SOOO COOL!'
=On Christmas Eve pops had Ki call NORAD, who is known for tracking and providing current up to date info about the where abouts of Santa on Christmas Eve. Working Elves answer the phone. Ki said she wanted to know when Santa was going to be at our house. Ms Elf asked her, "Where are you?" Ki told her Deadwood City in CA. Ms Elf then told her SAnta was due at our house between 10:30 and 11:00 and that she should probably go to bed soon.(You'll have to try it next year with little one
=I think I wrapped a trillion presents
=Granny's arm was swollen and red and very hot Xmas night. I kept waking up during the night trying to come up with who I could dump my kids on the next day to take Granny to the MD (Pops at work)
=Over all things went well for XMAS

Christmas Update

I made a new batch of Chex mix, sans the coffee with flavored creamer. I have gotten a lot done, still more to do. Housekeepers come in an hour. I've been cooking and planning to try and get as much done as possible before Christmas. Especially for the dinner where there will be 14 of us. I am having 3 smaller tables and will have a buffet style and have people rotate seats after courses just to keep it fun and make my father in law crazy. Of course that will give him new audiences to talk about himself to. I have made peppermint bark, Christmas bark, chocolate covered nuts and the chex. Breakfast is baked french toast, bacon and OJ. Lunch is tortilla soup. Heavy appetizers. Dinner is a Honney Baked ham (paid for by one of the guests), scalloped potatoes (a guest), homemade applesauce, puree butternut squash with banana, broccoli and cauliflower gratin, sweet potatoes with apples, Christmas salad (spinach, pomegranate, avocado, pine nuts,w/ champagne dressing), fruit salad (a guest). Candy (above) and other dessert (guest).
Currently, time to rip around the house and clean ahead of the house keepers, then off to run a couple errands.

Mushy Christmas Brain

Early last week I thought I was something else. I wrapped up pretty much all of my Christmas shopping over the Internet-via good ol' Ammazon. I also started a bunch of cooking- Christmas (candy) bark, peppermint bark, Chex mix, and homemade apple sauce. Today I planned to take kids to Stamford mall to have lunch at McDonald's and then go visit Santa.
This morning I told Aj about the plans for our day. He unhinged. He had been planning on going to Quizzno's. 20 to 30 min of screaming, crying... AAHHH! I had told myself I would crank out the last double batch of the Chex Mix and then we would leave - or some of us would. So feeling a bit tense from Aj's continuing blow up, I went into the kitchen and measured the seasoned salt, garlic powder, and onion powder into the previously melted butter. I stirred and poured it over the 12 cups of cereal, pretzels and nuts. After mixing I placed it in 3 large pyrex in the oven. Then I turned around and saw on the counter the measuring cup of melted butter. But I had just poured that over the cereal mix? Confused, I looked into the sink and there sat my coffee cup. But I wasn't done with my coffee...oh dear. I had put the spices in my mocha-peppermint flavored coffee and thoroughly stirred it into the cereal before popping it into the oven. Now supposedly new recipes are born from mistakes, yet somehow this didn't seem like it would be one of those.
So we had compromised by having lunch at Quizzno's and then heading to McDonnalds and then to Santa. When we made it to Santa, there was a note posted that he was out feeding is reindeer and would be back in hour. Remarkably so, Aj did not melt down when I suggested we come back in the am tomorrow.
As we were driving home it occurred to me that I had received none of the items I had ordered from Amazon. That was odd, they usually sent things so quickly. I also hadn't gotten any of those emails lately that update you on the shipping process. It was then that I recalled that my computer was doing wierd things when I was trying to send that email. mmmmmmmmmmm. It occurred to me that the order never went through. AAHHH!!

The annual Christmas Letter

BELOW IS A COPY OF MY ANNUAL XMAS LETTER. IT SOUNDS CHEERY ENOUGH,BACUSE FRANKLY, NO ONE EXCEPT VERY FEW IN OUR LIVES REALLY WNAT TO KNOW ABOUT THE SHITTY PARTS.

Friends and Family- December 3, 2007
The annual update:
January - On New Years Eve my Mom, celebrates her B-day. She is strikingly young looking for being over 80. She is still living with us and is a big help here at home. A group of incredible women and I formed the Special Education PTA of Deadwood City (SEPTAD) and I am elected president. Ki gets a beta fish for her b-day and names him Jack-Jack.
February - Aj leaves the following note under his pillow. Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth. It is in my tummy because I swallowed it. I tried to get it out but I could not get it out. And my tummy really hurts. I hope I still get my money. Love, Aj
Pops continues work as a PT & manager at Physicall Health. He enjoys working a schedule of 4 ten-hour days. I continue to expand my speech therapy pratice. I feel grateful to have a career that I enjoy so much.
March - Aj plays little league and Ki plays t-ball. We continue to grow our family zoo with the addition of Java, a chocolate lab. At six months and 45 pounds, she is a bundle of untrained, unbridled, pure joy. On her 1st evening she jumps in the bath with the kids & later jumps in our bed and attempts to curl up and sleep on my head.
April - Pop’s father treats the four of us to a 3 day trip to Disney land. We go during spring break with 9 million of our closest friends. Even with the crowds, it is still a magical place. Although, admittedly it did lose some of the magic when we got stuck in It’s a Small World and were tortured by “that song”.
May - I attend a CA state PTA conference in Sacramento. My friend and I are both in denial that we have grown up to drive mini-vans and attend PTA conferences.
June - Ki gets bounced too hard in a jump house and convinces my physical therapist husband that her arm is broken. Once at the ER I rationalize, “Well she hasn’t had the obligatory every-kid-goes-to-the-ER-at-least-once.” Shortly after that Pops & I realize she is doing arm push ups in the waiting room chair. She’ll have to get that visit in another time.
July - I question why I bathe the kids when the days are: M pool, W lake, F pool, S lake.
August - We visit Arnold, CA & Kurt & I long to buy a home there. Aj starts 3rd grade and enjoys his new classroom aide, Patty. Ki starts 1st grade and loves school. September - A beta fish, whom Kianna names Dash, replaces the previously deceased Beta, Jack-Jack. Pops and I celebrate our 11th anniversary.
October - Pops, his brother & Dad go goose hunting in Canada. For Halloween Ki is a SWAT officer or SCOTT as she calls it. Aj is Darth Vader. He’s never seen Star Wars, but you can’t beat a light saber as part of a costume. Java jumps the fence & enjoys me chasing her up the street while wearing my head-to-toe Winnie the Pooh costume. Or at least the neighbors seem to enjoy it.
November - Java keeps me busy. One day in the car she bites a Pepsi can & sets off a sugary geyser. Two weeks later she sours the car after biting the lid off a gallon of milk.
December - My Dad & his wife, begin the process of selling the home I grew up in, in order to move to the Northwest. Two of my dear friends successfully publish a book, allowing me to call myself a “published writer.”
Can I Sit With You? Is a collection of stories about schoolyard social experiences, both good and bad. All proceeds from the sale of Can I Sit With You? go directly to SEPTAR.
You can check out and purchase the book and at: http://www.lulu.com/content/1466612

Peace on Earth,
Pops (40 something), Me (40 something), Aj (9), Ki (6), Granny (80 something), Bear the cat (13), Sierra the lab (11), Sammy the guinea pig (6 ish),
Buddy the guinea pig (3 ish), Java the lab (1), Dash the Beta fish (6 months)

I am sorry, what did you say?

Aj and I had a very rough morning on wed. then around 1:00 I got a call from Pops who said the teacher had called him (seems she is avoiding calling me for some reason...). Seems Aj became frustrated in reading class and mumbled under his breath that he wanted to kill himself and the reading teacher.But then he returned to his happy self was appropriately doing reading work back in his regular class.
holy shit
well...aj often uses language without always understanding the full intent.I have been verbally banned from many things by him. When he is frustrated he goes to the language archive and accesses previously heard or used words. But none the less this is concerning and of course set of a flurry of calls/communications to principal, inclusion spec etc. I came to school before the day ended and touched base with teacher and aide in person. After school Aj and i went and talked to the reading teacher. I told him he should take ki and I there to meet her. She was lovely with him. We talked about how he can't be chosen every time he has his hand up because there is a whole class of 11 kids during reading time. And what could he do if he felt frustrated waiting. He still has no idea about the weight of the words he used or small storm left in his wake.
The good news was that he did say this under his breath so other kids (except maybe 1) didn't hear it. That comment would have been really awful to have a kid go share with his parents and friends on the playground.
The medication he is on, Daytrona, and many ADHD type meds can cause an increase in anxiety, and I think he has some anxiety already. Also, I gave him a nearly full dose instead of teh 80% we'd been doing. So it may be that and the bad morning and poor coping skills...I was telling Pops that I think he is having more blow ups lately but that I can't keep that math straight. If it is 3 or 7 it still wipes me out and makes for some miserable hours and I lose count. I will count more this weekend and see and also get in touch with MD.
Never a dull moment

Where oh where have I been

I haven't been posting much lately.
Crazy time of year.
Random thoughts in a stream of consciousness order with out the time needed for grammar and punctuations. followed by a healthy spell check:
i turned 44. had to do the math there for a second. part of me is sad that i am a mini-van driving, overweight, age spotted frumpy gal. i feel like i have a good soul and energy for most of the time and that beauty shines through. but it would be nice to feel prettier on the outside too. of course i know much of that i could change by diet and exercise. but i regress to stress/addictive eating.

aj has been on the meds for adhd for a couple weeks now. some help with his focus at school and home has been noted. i had wished for more. we can try another drug for a bit and compare (i have perscrip) i had hoped for a change in the daily occurring ugly behaviors of tantrums, yelling, name calling, blow ups, etc. i realize i am sad that this is not "fixed" at all. now what do i do. i know i need a good strong behavioral plan. it is SO hard to be consistent and ....all

in the paper today is an article about stress, it further confirmed for me that lately i am experiencing more stress then i ever have in my life. i could take more happy pills (anti-depressants) but that is not the answer, as the situation won't change. the combo of aj and granny is more then i can handle. or they are the lion's share. pops is working hard to help out too.

xmas is hard too. i love it and i tried to start things early. but it is always a lot. we will be having a total 14 of somewhat related people here for xmas dinner. and lucnh for some of them. yikes.

living here is like a fun house. there is furniture and belongings piled on top of everything. part of it is that im am an unorganized slob. the other parrt is that there are five people living here using 2 bedrooms, and all of my ever expanding work stuff filling the (Bedroom) office and threatening to take over the rest of the house. pops and i have talked and in the new year i have got to move my office and rent office space and really get my clinic up

also-i don't think i can have granny here 24/7. it is getting too hard. the chemical combo of her and aj and ki and pops and me and ...
she has significantly declined in the last few months she asks the same question or pursues tha same task within minutes of previously engaging in. again i say "in the new year" that feels like a relief to say not-now-but-then. except when "then" comes and I feel totally overcome by all that needs to be done.

Top Ten Times when NOT to have an IEP

1. on your birthday
2. on your child's birthday
3. on the "typical" sibling's birthday
4. on your wedding anniversary
5. the first week of school
6. the last week of school
7. the week of teacher conferences
8. when you are having PMS
9. when you can't find anyone to go with you
10.when the inadequate recommendations the SD gave 2 weeks ago start to sound good

My car stinks. I mean REALLY STINKS

Java's drinking problems continue. Yesterday I headed to the store with kids and Java and bought a few necessitites. One block from home I heard the sound of glugging, pouring liquid...in the car.
"MOM! Java's got the milk!!"
Yep. This time she bit into a gallon of milk and it was pouring into the back of the van. When I got home it seemed about 1/2 a gallon was gone. Most of which was soaking in to the car's rugs. I pulled out the extra piece of carpet, sprayed down with the hose and wiped uot the rest wit towels. No go. I think it must take only a 1teaspoon of milk left in a car to get that oh so tremendous sour milk odor.
Today JAva was going for a bottl eof water in the car. I swear we keep water in her bowl at home.

My dog has a drinking problem

Last week as I was driving I heard the sound of someone cracking open a beer. Or in this case a soda. An unopened Diet Peppsi can had been forgotten on the floor of the car and was rolling around. Java, the one year old lab, had just bitten into it and was joyfully lapping at the bubbling geysers spraying the car. I was not so joyful.

Impulsivity and Slurpeees

According to the clinical dictionary in my head:

An Impulsive act- completing an action before thoroughly and appropriately considering the consequences-such as safety, social appropriateness, outcome etc.

For example:
When at 7-111, turning on the Cherry Blast Slurpeee and sucking it directly from the spout.

Who's the smart one here?

Welcome to my home...I think

Another great read.

Welcome To My Home ... I Think

Hi, Welcome to my home. I think, I mean, maybe you're welcome. I'm not sure yet. When I get to know you, I'll know for sure.

My child is disabled, and I need help to do all the things he needs done. So I need you. He needs you too, because he gets worn out and bored with me and sometimes dislikes me about as much as I sometimes dislike him (please don't start making judgments about me -- we just got started. It's just that I'm honest, and as much as he is the sole reason for my existence, there are times when both of us wear thin).

Your agency sent you here. I called for help, but I don't get a choice of who comes into my home and my life. You come at your convenience, usually between 9am and 3pm Monday thru Friday. I'm on my own evenings and weekends, when my other children tug at me and want and feel slighted and offended and I feel stretched to my limit. You call and tell me your coming Tuesday morning so I put the stack of unanswered mail and the unpaid bills in the cabinet with the cereal bowls, race dirty and clean clothes up and down the stairs, shove toys and unmated shoes in closets and under beds, and run the gauntlet with Fantastic to get fingerprints off everything, and then you call and tell me you have to cancel because of a meeting. Oh sure, I understand, yes, that's fine, Friday afternoon? Well, I was going to try to go to the library and maybe take a nap.... what? Oh. That's the only you have? Well sure, I know it's important that you come. And we really need help. Fine. Friday at 1:30. We'll be here.

My husband resents people coming in and out of our home. He says he feels as though he is living in a goldfish bowl. He says getting help means sacrificing our privacy and spontaneity. He can't scratch his stomach as he walks down the hall in his shorts anymore. Now he has to have clothes on and suck in his gut and put on company manners. And he really hates it after you
leave, because sometimes I cry because I feel inadequate and stupid and foolish and just plain wrong. Sometimes you make me feel that way when you act suspicious of what goes on when you're not here and try to trip me up when we're talking to find out if I really am doing the goals and objectives, or if I'm just taking the money and fudging the paperwork. Sometimes it's nothing you say or do, it's just that your perfectness unsettles my motherness.

Sometimes when you are great I feel threatened and because of others who came before you, I feel judged and talked about, and as though you have met with others and have developed a plan to implement on me.

I can't always tell when you're real, but my son can. So I watch him. If he responds and welcomes you, then I set aside my needs and cares and let you have everything I have, including my son. I have to trust you because he trusts you and looks forward to your step on the porch.

What? Oh, good grief! I forgot your paperwork again! Wait, I know it's here somewhere. I was working on it last week just after the hot water heater burst and right before my husband came home laid off. Wait... I think I wrote on the back when the bank called about the deposit to cover the overdraft. Yeah! I found them! Right behind the peanut butter ... wait, I'll just wipe them off a bit.

You know, I used to be normal. I used to have control of my life, my time, my home. Having a disabled child turned my life upside down. My priorities changed. What I would settle for changed. What I would ask for changed. Who I would accept changed. All that changed because my child needs things and people and ideas and funding. So my life consists of meetings,
regulations, documentation and paperwork, social workers and agency people, policies and procedure manuals and administrative decisions, delays and rumors of delays in checks, people not showing up when needed, people quitting, and people showing up when they're not needed.

Please don't judge me. And I'll try not to judge you. You see, in the long run, if I don't measure up I still am his mother. So we're stuck with each other, and I'm willing to try to make the best of it. Help me to grow, help me to become better. Accept me as a person, not some perfect saint. I really DO know my child better than anyone else, so help me express that and put it
to best use. Walk with me a ways, not to judge me, but to understand my role within the heart of my family. Give me tools and words and people that, like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, interlock to allow for my strengths and compensate for my shortcomings.

Please don't push me past my endurance, because if you do, you'll see me at my worst; short-tempered, impatient, inflexible and emotional. I'm no good to my son then, either. Each one of us has that fine line. I try to recognize when I'm approaching my line, and usually that's when I'm most cranky and complaining to you. Please realize that one facet of me is the tired bitch, just as real and acceptable as the superwomen who overcomes unbelievable obstacles. There are sunny days and then there are
thunderstorms, all part of a temperate climate.

Well, anyway, hi. Welcome to my home. I think.

By Sharon Burleson
Clarksburg, WV

I will remember article

I found this today, enjoy.


I WILL REMEMBER

On Friday, June 15th, 2001 my son, Ben, graduates with his sixth grade class from Brandon Elementary School in Goleta, California. For my family, this will be a day remembered long after most memories fade.


The sixth grade students will stand proudly on stage, each looking out in the audience searching for their parents, and when the eyes of parents and child finally meet, big smiles will appear on everyone's faces and hands will wave.


Parents will look to whoever stands next to them and say, "That's my Johnny," or "Doesn't my Melinda look so beautiful," and "Which child is yours?"


Ben won't be looking for his father or me; he will just know we are there. We won't wave, because he wouldn't be able to see if we did. But he will know the pride we carry in our hearts and in our souls - he will feel it.


Maybe, I'll wave anyway.


As other parents yell out children's names trying to catch their attention for the photo opportunity that will grace the pages of the family album for decades to come, Ben's father and I won't yell out. Ben wouldn't hear it if we did.


But, that's okay. A camera cannot capture what Ben's fellow classmates feel about him as a valued friend and neighbor.


Maybe, I'll yell out his name anyway.


Ben's father and I will almost certainly be sitting with dozens of other proud parents, tears collecting in their eyes, as they reflect upon all the years that preceded this momentous day and what it took to get there.


It was probably a hard road traveled.


Some parents will be fantasizing of the rewards they shall reap from the commitment to their children's education, imagining a future with a Nobel Prize winning scientist, a famous surgeon, or a high-powered lawyer in the family. Others will be thinking about the symbolism of the ceremony - their child's biggest step so far toward independence, self-sufficiency, and adulthood.


After all, that is what parents are supposed to prepare their children to achieve.


My thoughts will be elsewhere.


It wasn't long ago that Ben's participation in the regular classroom of his neighborhood school was not possible.


Thirty years ago Ben would not have had a chance to know about school because a public education was not available. Ten years ago Ben's only choice would have been a classroom for the "severely handicapped," far away from his neighborhood in a room at the back of a school campus, where his peers would never have known he existed.


Ben's graduation on Friday will be symbolic of tremendous change in how people with disabilities are perceived and Ben has made contributions toward this change that will likely never be rewarded, touted, or even acknowledged the way academic excellence is.


But Ben doesn't care and neither do I. Not much anyway.


Ben's reward is that his life has helped shape the future for other children with and without disabilities and someday all children will become a natural part of the human experience.


I plan on living to see this day.


As we watch our children in the graduation procession, I will remember the years that have passed since Ben's first day of kindergarten when he lined up with his new classmates to enter their classroom for the first time. The teacher said to each child, including Ben, "Welcome, I am so glad you are in my class."


I will remember when a parent ran up to me on the first day of fourth grade and said all her daughter could say to her was, "I finally get to be in Ben's class."


I will remember the day the principal said to me, "Terry, I have been getting letters from parents requesting their children be in the same class as Ben. What am I going to do? I can't possibly accommodate all the requests."


I will remember all the kids that wanted to be Ben's roommate on their adventure to Astro Camp last year, and seeing Ernesto hold Ben's hand as the class watched a movie in a Hollywood theatre last week.


I will remember when Isaac accidentally broke Ben's hearing aide case, and he asked his grandfather to drive him downtown to buy a new one. Isaac waited in the school parking lot the next morning and when Ben and I arrived, Isaac ran up to the car, new case in hand, and said, "I know how important this is to you, Ben."


I will remember the look on the on the faces of his classmates and friends, when he pushes the lever on his new wheelchair and slowly rises up to stand tall next to the friends he has learned to love and appreciate so much.


I will remember.


I dedicate today's column to Steve Minjarez, the director of Pupil Personnel and Special Services, Goleta Union School District. You made it possible.


Terry Boisot is the parent of a child with disabilities, serves on the board of directors of Alpha Resource Center of Santa Barbara and The Arc of the United States, and is the Chair of the Board of Directors of TheArcLink. She is concerned about all disability matters and welcomes comments at tboisot@silcom.com

Lucky Me

Two of my dear friends are about to PUBLISH a BOOK. Not only are they dear friends, they are very, truly kick ass amazing women. They are:
jennyalice at
squid at

They started the blog site "Can I sit with you".

The book contains short stories from all varieties of people about growing up and the harships of sand-box politics. Many of the writers work professionally or semiprofessionally. Or atleast blog like crazy. That would be me. My story is titled, "MENS-TRU-A-TING".
The amazing cover art was created specifically for the book, and was donated by a professional artist. The cover design, also donated by a professional. The proof reading and editing? Yep, also donated by a number of people. Actually SO many people volunteered to edit and proof that some were turned away.
The book will be available in the next week or so from LULU Press(google it) and shortly following that will be available on Amazon etc.
Title of the book, same as the blog, "Can I Sit With You?"
It is a paperback, and is 126 pages. Cost $14.00
But the BEST, most TERRIFIC part is that 100% of the profits will go to SEPTAR (Special Education PTA of Re City). That is the PTA I was involved in starting just about 1 year ago and for which I am currently President.
I am in awe of what so many people have done for this project. The fact that jennyalice and Squid are turning over ALL profit to SEPTAR is also stunning. And I'll get to say, "I'm published." Of course I wrote about having my period, but there ya go.
So, go forth and purchase this book in the next couple weeks. It is designed for kids up to ages about 13 so that they can understand they are not alone in the madness of sand-box politics and growing up. A very good read for adults as well. Becuaswe each of us have a story or two. Check out the blog. And in a couple weeks, BUY IT!

IEP update

I didn't hear from the school district after my screaming spat where I yelled and snarled and concluded with, "We don't need to talk anymore. Just let me know what you have to offer and if that doesn't work we'll go to mediation!!"
I picked up Aj from school on Fri and while he played on the playgorund I looked in his backpack to see if his aide had written a note. I found a large envelope stuffed with paper. Inside was the IEP docs that we never signed (for attending even, because I was raging). The entire triannual docuamnt was numbered over 90 pages. I just stuffed it back in. Later I got an email saying that it contained additional goals and recs (we were "discussing" the need for social skills training). We are on break for a week. I'll dig that out another time.

Patriotism

This morning I took Granny and the kids to the farmers market. We bought a pastry and coffee and sat in the courtyard in front of the county courthouse. The huge courtyard was filled with tables and chairs and empty of people. As we packed up to leave I glanced about for Aj.
There he stood mid-courtyard facing the American flag, right hand clapped over his heart. And for his own pleasure and patriotic spirit, he sang the National Anthem at top volume and mostly off key.

AJ is Nine

Aj had his b-day on Th. And now my boy is nine. And he loves all things sports.

I took him to school with his rice krispie treats and some of the kids and a Mom carried on saying happy birhtday to him. Pops and I picked him up after school. Then it was home for some homework. At 4 pm Pops took him to soccer practice, which AJ loves. Ki and I then made cupcakes for him from the mix and frosting she had previuously picked out. After being home and bathing I asked AJ if he wanted to open his presents.
"No, after dinner."
You see, that is what we must have done last year. Which means it is now a routine. Or to sound more "typical", a tradition.
We had dinner at the Lobster Shack,
Aj had chosen this spot for dinner because he thought he could get shrimp. And he did. A whole huge adult serving of fried shrimp and fries, plus a soda and some of his sister's dinner.

Pops was really the superstar about b-day gifts.
When I asked Aj what he wantd for his b-day he said an NFL jersey and nintendo.
Granny is from San Diego, so Aj keeps her posted on all San Diego teams and how they are doing. Well, Merv's had a San Diego Chargers jersey with the name of some guy you'd know if knew football. We had Granny give that to Aj. Oh the joy! What an excited guy. He keeps taking it on and off. He is saving it to wear the first day he is back at school (after Veterans Day). Every few hours he shows up with it on and he has stuffed things in it to look like shoulderpads.

Aj told us last year that he wanted to go to a Warriors game. Pops remembered and got a pair of tickets for the 2 of the two of them on Dec 7th. Aj was beside himself with excitement. They were worth every penny. You can look for him at the Dec 7th game against the Miama Heat.


Other well received gifts were new baseball cards and a CARS video game that Pops ordered for him.

It was so wonderful to have Aj request specific gifts, be able to get those for him and then see his incredible joy.

Seems she HEARD me

Well, anyone still on campus heard my tirade.
But the good news is, it seems Ms Pine, AJ's teacher, heard me. Or someone did. Right after the IEP Pops and I talked with the principal and I told her that we had specifically requested not to have this teacher when we met with her and the VP in the spring, and that I was certain the 2nd grade teacher and inclusion specialist had done the same. I said that I felt deceived. This all with tears. I also added that the teacher had never said anything nice about my son, despite my Max assist cues.

The IEP and my crazy-lady performance (see previous entries)was on T. On Wed, I sent the email apologizing for "raising my voice". Which is a nice way of saying "crazy-ass screaming". On Th it was AJ's b-day. I showed up with the rice krispie treats Ki and I had made for AJ's class. I asked her where to put them and we made brief eye contact. I still felt miserable when I left.

On Friday morning AJ woke up with a sore throat and headache, so I kept him home. I called the school and let them know. I didn't bother to email the teacher.

Ms Pine, in her inability to be a sensitive person, is in many ways an excellent teacher in terms of academics. Every Friday evening she puts in our mailbox the homework for the entire up-coming week. This gives us a chance to get a jump on it. When I went to get the home work this Friday there was a hand written note on top.
"Dear Aj,
I hope you feel better soon. Stay warm and get some rest. See you on Tuesday.
Ms Pine"

She also has a weekly newsletter that goes home to the parents. Often there are photo's on it. This week one of the 2 photos was Aj. And finally, she wrote a somewhat nice note on his rough draft for his upcoming presentation.

I see she is trying. I think the ironic thing here is that basically, she herself seems to have some social issues.

What did I say?

Well. If you are curious, I will tell you what exactly it was that I said in part of my "crazy lady" spew at Aj's IEP.

History: AJ has PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified) and ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) among other things. He is in a regular third grade class with a full-time aide. In the past teachers and therapists have reported that they have really enjoyed him.

Not this years teacher. AJ is struggling in school. Third grade is notorious for being harder and being a spotlight time for any kids having difficulties. i have met and talked with Ms. Pine about 4 or 5 times. Sometimes in an IEP and sometimes not. She goes on about how "zoned out he is", how "he just isn't really there." Now these things are true. But she goes on and never, once ever, does she say anything that could remotely be considered a compliment or positive comment. This even after I sat alone with her one day and said through tears, "As a Mom, if you could think of one good thing to say about AJ, it would really, really help me out." No go.

So after 2 hours in the IEP of reading her negative body language and hearing more negative comments and her defering to the "specialists" as if she had little or no role, I was wearing thin. At 5:30 she started to pack up her things to leave this fun party with a guest list of 8.
I looked at Ben, who was running the meeting and said, "Is the meeting over?"
This was really kind of a passive aggressive comment on my part-as I knew it wasn't.
He started, "Well, I..."
Then Ms Pine said, "Come on guys. I am really tired." And she stood up to go. Like we were all burdening her by discussing AJ.
She said that to a table full of professionals, and us.
It was then that I snapped.
I stood and started yelling. Yelling in that kind of out-of-body, is-that-really-me kind of way.
"YOUR tired. Well go ahead and go home. And while you are there, think of something nice to say about my kid! BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE!"
Then I proceeded to carry on and wasn't quite as on target.
Earlier today I sent an email apologizing for raising my voice. I did not apologize for what I said. But I doubt that nuance was noticed.

I get to brag

Today in the mail I received our family holiday card for the year. I made them on Shutterfly and they have family photos and a personalized message. Yep, November 8th and I have the cards. Next week I will get the cutsy return address labels with cartoon people of our family and pets.

Now the reason I get to brag is that I have never once, ever, been so on top of it. Those of you who know me well, know that I specialize in running late and procrastination. Those of you who have known me for over 11 years know that I was late getting to the alter for my own wedding.

So this is big. All of use in the quirky family tribe get to brag and celebrate when we pull off a feat that is beyond that of even most typical families.

Lots

Lots in my head and heart.

Aj is 9 tomorrow.
-as he ages, the differences between he and his peers becomes more apparent.
I feel sad.

Someone pushed him down at soccer practice today.
-I always go to the fact that it is because he is different and that this boy wouldn't have done this to the other team mates.
I feel sad and angry.

Aj is yelling and calling me names and homework can be a struggle. He hit Ki again.
-I yell and scream. Ki cries.
I feel angry at him, angry at me, frustrated, guilty, and emotionally fatigued

I am holding a prescription for ADHD medication for AJ. Pops and I have had it for a week. I am having a tough time taking that in to be filled. I never wanted to put him on meds. Intellectually, I think it is a good idea. But emotionally, I am having trouble. I didn't see this coming.
-I feel surprised and sad

Yesterday was part 3 of AJ's triannual IEP.
I went postal.
I lost my head and had an out of body raging experience in front of 7 other people.
Let me restate here that I am not exaggerating. It was ugly. Really, really ugly. People who, I think, use to respect me. Now, surely think I am nuts.
It has been over 24 hours since and I still have a headache. I don't think that the relationship with his teacher can be repaired. Given that AJ's b-day is tomorrow, I am not sure how I am going to get the treats to his classroom without having to interact with her.
-I feel angry, sad, deceived, embarrassed and somewhat hopeless about how I will get through the school year with this teacher. So many tears and heaviness.

Pops is an angel. The other blessing in all this are the friends I have. Friends who get it because they live in the same type of fun-house I do, -or at least friends who hold me in my sadness. Last night after IEP I went over to jennyalice's house and sobbed. I had to tell her first that no one had died or was hurt, but that I was just so very sad. I just couldn't go home. the kids would notice how awful my face looked from crying. And I just could not face the evening madness, the constant question repetition from Granny. I went home before kids bedtime and went to sleep with them in our bed. I love sleeping with my kids. I have slept a huge number of hours and still feel so tired. Emotions are so tiring.

What am I going to do tomorrow with the damn rice krispie treats for AJ's classmates?

Ki has a friend

Ki has always had difficulty making friends and playing with other kids. She is a tom boy thru and thru. She doesn't want to play with other girls who "act pretty". Which rules out the majority. A couple weeks ago she took up with a little boy in hr class. Now she and Mike play together at every recess. Having met this boy and talked to his Mom. It is very likely he has Asperger's, or is Aspy like. I guess she goes for what she knows. I am glad she is enjoying this friendship.

An AJism

On one of Aj's regular phrases.
"AJ, how was your day?"
"Oh, it was quite nice!"
What is the guy British? I don't say, "Quite nice."
One thing I have noticed is that when asked a question about how his day was or his teacher or any thing, he is eternally optimisitc. He describes all situations as "great", "good", "awesome". I don't know if he doesn't recall the marginal or indesirable events- or he just isn't too phased by them.

Better than Thin Mints

Candy Cane Jo Jo's from Trader Joe's. Oreo like with creamy peppermint candy cane filling. Yum.

"they" are often wrong

My friend's son, Bob, is over. He has a rare there-is-only-one other-person-in-the-world type of syndrome. I believe "they" initially told Bob's parent's that it was very likely he may never walk or communicate. Well "they" hadn't met Bob before. Or his fabulous Mom.
So Bob is over hanging out for awhile as his school is out this week. In the past I have seen him for speech therapy. At age 7 he has been walking for years and talks up a storm. His speech is dysarthric, but very understandable.
Everytime I see him I am amzed by how much language he has and how his speech intelligibility continues to improve. His favorite part of visiting here is seeing the dogs and Granny. I rank a disticnt third place.
Today he is amussing me with his ongoing chatter and belting of commands to our 2 labs.
"Jaba (for Java)where are you?"
"Jaba, go get the cat."
"Jaba, don't drink the toilet! Drink outta the sink! Not in the bathroom!"
"JAABAA, I'M COOMMMING!"
"Jaba, come here."
"Hey guys! Go get the cat!" (this results in the dog running in circles around the yard)
"Jaba sit!"
"Mama J. they are fighting again!" (dogs playing)
"GUUYS, don't fight. Guys, hold still!"
"Be Nice!!"
"Sisi can follow me, too!"
I just love the joy he gets from playing with the dogs.

Happy Halloween

We had a nice time on Sunday. Ki has always wanted to have a Halloween Party. So I agreed. We have been planning for a long time. She and I cut and glued pumpkin invitations. (Until I finally resorted to email for some of the invites.) We shopped and bought decorations, crafts, and all foods "orange". We made fabulous caramel apples. Actually, the whole thing took a village as jennyalice baked a million Halloween sugar cookies and Sandrini baked orange and black cupcakes. We had craft and frosting stations throughout the house and yard.
This time I let the guest list reflect Ki's peers versus my selection of fun special needs families that I enjoy, though she did invite jennyalice and family. It was a good opportunity for Pops, myself and Ki (and AJ) to get to know more "typical families". Whatever a typical family is...
Ki was dressed in her SWAT officer costume. Which she describes as, "someone who helps the police." She has been calling her costume "scott", as that seems to be easier to remember than SWAT. Per her demonstrations, SWAT officers are responsible for directing traffic. But I digress..
All other girls wore something involving a dress. Ki spent the majority of time playing with Darth Vador and Transformer-both boys. Then she was glued to her God mother, Sandrini, who donned a Mrs. Pott tea pot outfit.
I am glad we pulled off this party with 50 or so guests of kids and adults. I am getting to know more families in Ki's grade, and some in AJ's grade also. Should be a fun tradition.

Omnipresent First Grade Teacher

I sent an email to Ki's classmates and invited them to her party. Evidently one of the two teachers are also on the email group. Her teacher, Ms M, said she lived near by and would try and stop by. But she didn't tell the kids, incase she couldn't make it. Sure enough, she showed up and stayed just long enough to say a quick hello and take the caramel apple I forced on her. Ki stood by the gate and watched her leave, sending her off with a wave and a look of amazement.
Later I asked Ki, "That was pretty cool that Ms. M came over."
"Yeah! But, Mommy, how did she know there was a party and where we lived?"
I couldn't resist adding to the mystique of a first grade teacher. "Well, she is a very smart teacher. She knows ALL KINDS of things."
Ki paused, "Like she knows where all the kids in our class live?"
"Yeah, I guess she does."

More on AJ and Tim the aide

Last week AJ's aide told me that he himself had received Resource services (type of special ed services)for years while he was in school. This was not a surprise given the basic grammar and simple spelling errors that characterize his daily notes summarizing AJ's day. But AJ is responding well to this sweet-faced 18 year old fellow. And who am I to criticize a person who has learning differences. The classroom teacher reports AJ is doing better at staying on task, Tim is doing a good job at that.
But somehow the simplicity of his notes to home adds to the wacky humor necessary to cope. Yesterday's note was:
"Today in the library AJ picked his scab and ate it. Then when I told him to go to wash up he told me he always eats his scabs."
Well atleast he wasn't telling lies.

AJ Update

Just this year AJ has begun to complain that he felt sick and needed to stay home from school. This is likely a reflection on the more difficult third grade, a hard-ass teacher and some good problem solving on his part!
I have gotten 2 mails from school that AJ was "caught" eating erasers. Of course he has been an oral-sensory-seeking type of guy for a long time. So it doesn't impress me much. Oh, and you can forget about germs. Between my kid and others in the quirky tribe, they have ingested things that would make most loose their lunch just at the mention of it. If these kids haven't gotten seriously ill yet from drinking toilet water, licking the ground, eating gum stuck under public tables, then it is not going to happen. Though informal, my longitudinal, multi-subject study to proves it.

Monday's not home from AJ's aide said,
"Today Alex said he ate an eraser. Later he said his stomach hurt and he wanted to go to the nurse. We stayed there awhile and then came back to class. Later he told me he had tricked me and he thought it was funny."

Well, if you aren't aware, lying takes a certain cognitive ability, or problem solving skill to do. So after I got over snickering to myself, I asked AJ,
"What were you doing when you asked to go to the nurse?"
"Writing a thank you letter to XYZ store." (They had gone there on a field trip)
Ah, a perfect time to fake illness, as he has difficulty with writing, and hence, hates it.

So later Pops and I sat down with him and asked him how thought Tim (his aide) felt when AJ lied to him. He said "sad". we encouraged him to ask about taking a break but that it wasn't okay to lie. We then told him he would have to write a letter to Tim apologizing.
"AJ, what do you think you should say in the letter?"
"That I am sorry I fake sicked Tim?"
Well, that was a good start. We helped him clean up his grammar.
Later, when he was sleeping, we patted him on the back for using some great thinking skills.

Bla Bla

Notes, thoughts and happenings in no particular order:

-dinner out Fri evening for Squid's b-day. SOOO fun!
-I rear-ended someone at a light the other day. No one hurt. I have been a flighty driver lately
-I am slowly taking on a few new clients
-I am getting more clients that are also involved physically. I am really enjoying it.
-I want to take pediatric feeding courses and specialize in that.
-I want to look into pediatric NDT certification
-seriously starting to work on stabilizing and expanding business. Working to develop policies, website content, clarify services to provide etc.
-swapping services w/ a woman who is an interior decorator. Yahoo!
-bought new couch and chair for family room-they are on order
-have part 2 of IEP tomorrow, going alone - a bit anxious. I always need to take a drink with me. Makes me feel better. Love clutching my caffeine.
- Took Mom and the kids out for Vietnamese food tonight. So nice to step outside burgers and fries on a kids menu. Chicken pho, vermicelli bowl with shrimp, orange chicken, pan fried noodles with beef and veggies, Vietnamese coffee. All SO good.
-AJ's b-day coming up. I don't know what to do for a party. I have always done spec needs kids only. I asked him who he wanted to invite to b-day party and he said "Andrew and Baby G", my friends we went to Tahoe with. Andrew is 3. I've asked a few times and I don't really get much of an answer. I'm not sure if it is because he has trouble generating ideas, he doesn't care or he doesn't want anything. He does love parties, I thought he did. He does keep telling me he wants to go to the Lobsterrrr SHackk for dinner out. Thoughts anyone????
-Pops is out of town, hunting. Slept with both kids and a lab last night. Not the best sleep ever. Then I woke up at 3 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Life thoughts swirling in my head like a broken auto-flush toilet.

Wow dude.

I am a previously confessed techno dork. I just don't resonate with computer stuff. Leave me alone with a person or child with a neuro difference and I am good to go. Jennyalice and I hung out on Fri and she fixed up my blog site! See??!!! I now have a list of links to whom I read most often. AND, if you you are feeling philanthropic, you can go to the link to donate $$$ to SEPTAR ( Spec Ed PTA, Redwood City)!!
She also fixed me up with a stat counter for this site. Very fun to look at the endless amounts of data that can spit out. Where people are from that are reading, how they got there. The fact that people can pull up and read my very humble complaints and writings and be sitting on the other side of the world, still blows my mind.

I, Bitch

It is 1:30 pm.
My fuze is already pretty much gone.
AJ raging, then raging more
me saying the same thing again and again and again
Ki crying, whining (often appropriately so, as AJ as just thumped her)
Granny asking the same thing again and again
Pops is at the club today working (not for money)
He leaves town for a week, in a week
Then when he is back hunting season starts and he is gone every Sat am
I dread these winter months when it comes to SAt's

Today this lady in Taco Bell said, "You are very patient". Obviously, I had kids and Granny in tow. I thought I should be honest and told her that I was trying to breathe deep, and then I thanked her

It is such a blessing that I can't drink alcohol

Ta Da!

http://canisitwithyou.blogspot.com/Check out my buddies blog site. All proceeds go to the special ed PTA we are involved with.
I just sent in my piece. Here it is for your viewing now:


A Reflection on Junior High

For many, Junior High was a time characterized by gawky looks, lanky extremities, braced teeth and questionable skin clarity. Even for those fortunate enough to have a proportionate body, naturally straight teeth and even skin tone, no one could escape the Big P.
Puberty.
A time in life when hormones invade and ones body begins to morph and alienate its owner. Adding injury to the hormonal insult is the obsessive desire by girls to be carbon copies of their peers. Well, that’s the way it was for me. Every moment was spent certain that everyone was looking at me. I just knew the eyes of the world watched and were interested in the exact length of my pants, if my hair was brushed and if my lips were glossed. When one lives in a perpetual state of self-absorbance, the most embarrassing horrors are often caused by ones self.
With a November birthday, I was older than most of my peers. In addition, I was an “early bloomer”. So I experienced PUBERTY earlier than most. My breast buds were an AA size at best. But no matter, I was sure my voluptuous tata’s turned the corner and entered a room an hour before the rest of my body. The embarrassment of my body embracing its early spring was further fueled by my mother’s insistence on using appropriate and anatomically correct terms. Three and four syllable words were stretched and articulated nearly beyond recognition.

“Oh that’s great! You are MENS-TRU-A-TING!”
“Do you need any more SAN-I-TAR-Y NAP-KINS?”
“Are your BREASTS tender?”
“Are your NIP-PLES feeling sensitive?”
“Is your VA-GIN-A bothering you?”

In my junior high era, girls didn’t carry purses. Or I certainly didn’t. Kids also didn’t haul back packs from class to class. So this made it difficult to safely secure and hide a SAN-I-TARY NAP-KIN. Now of course, I called them “pads”, not nearly as offensive a word. No one used a tampon back then. And no one admitted to having crossed over to womanhood.
Following lunch one day, I decided to change my pad in the girls’ locker room bathroom just before P.E. But how could I carry a pad from my out-door locker to the locker room? There were no pockets in my light blue Ditto jeans. No matter that it was 95 F, I donned my lemon-yellow wind breaker and slipped the contraband into the pocket. I stepped into the swarm of moving students and headed to P.E. I can still picture it. I was ten feet from the entrance to the girl’s locker room. Suddenly, my not-so-mini pad dove out from under the lemon yellow hem. It was then that I remembered the fist-sized rip in my pocket. It was a slow motion event. After escaping, the pad jumped on a current created by all the moving bodies. It dashed left, glided right, swirled above a light-brown Wallaby and finally dipped down and came to rest on the sizzling concrete. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run, but I was fixated like a moth on a bulb. Should I pick it up? Should I kick it under the bush? Should I just ignore it and RUN? I decided to go with ignoring it entirely. I regrouped and cloaked my self in my best casual saunter and slipped into the girl’s locker room. But I was certain that from that moment on, everyone in the entire school knew, and cared, that I was MENS-TRU-A-TING.

HI! WANNA CHAT???!!

HI!!
I MADE A HUGE CUP OF REGULAR PEET'S COFFEE AT 8:30 PM. I LOVE COFFEE. FOR SOME REASON I AM WIDE AWAKE WITH TONS OF LITTLE THOUGHTS DOING THE TANGO IN MY HEAD AT THIE LOVELY HOUR OF 11:52 PM. WANNA CHAT WITH ME???OH-NO ONE ELSE IS UP AND CHATTY RIGHT NOW.
SOOO.....
I JUST WENT TO THE DISNEY SITE AND ORDERED MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME. I AM GOING TO BE WINNIE THE POOH. SEEMED LIKE A GOOD COSTUME FOR ME IN THAT HE AND I SHARE THE SAME FIGURE. AND IT WAS ON SALE. SALES LOOK SO COOL WHEN ONE IS RIPED ON CAFFIENE. HALLOWEEN IS ON A WORK DAY FOR ME (I.E., LOTS OF VISITS WITH 2 TO 4 YEAR OLDS). CAN YOU WRITE OFf A POOH COSTUME???

Tri-enima

Oh-typo there. It is actually the tri-ANNUAL. As in tri-annual IEP. The joyful annual experience further magnified by LOTs of testing. No big deal for AJ, he likes the tests I think. Or he doesn't mind them.
For parents it is the opportunity to be further reminded, in hard-core, black & white, hold-no-bars data of their childs significant disability.

In all honesty, the data/reports I have from 6 different professionals (yes six-one of them was private) is not as depressing as I thought it would be. But it is for Pops. He is in the above arena. I feel like this has been an opportunity to really get clarity on the peaks and valleys of AJ's skill set. Not that we peak at "typical" too often. Specifically, more of a chance to look at issues of attention and anxiety and how to move forward with that.
I don't forsee a lot of confrontation about services except for in the area of social skills and that I hate groups for speech. Therefore-I have asked assist director of dist to attend IEP.

Maybe I won't feel quite Zen about it tomorrow.

Oh yeah and what the f*#% was I thinking when I took on to doing 2 big presentations in the same week????? That would be next week.

Yeah well

More later on the vacation story alluded to below. It is a good one-need time to record.

We've never had guests like you!

Language Stimulation- The with-holding method

I offered to stay with my girlfriends son while she attended back to school night. My intention was not to provide this beautiful autistic boy with a speech therapy/torture session. I have previously heard him talk but it has been somewhat infrequent and usually in a soft voice.
We arrived and Mom put on a video about trains to both entertain and distract him while she left. She snuck out the door and all was well, until the train video ended.
Well they have a nice new flat screen tv and a satellite dish and...this techno dork couldn't figure out how to re-start the DVD. I tried offering others. That's when all the talking started, "No, I love trains". "No, Thomas". None of my other train offerings would suffice. The tension increased as I wildly pushed buttons.
"No,no,no. PUSH THE BUTTON!" It was so loud and clear, I thought it was my kid. I've never heard him so loud.
I asked, "You want this train movie?"
"This train movie!"
"movie on"
It was then that I realized the DVD I was trying to restart was actually a VHS.
"Oh no, I am sorry!!" I yelped.
"AHH" he cried.
"Go Mommy room," he told me.
So in we went. I knew he had watched movies in there previously.
He showed me the tv and continued to direct me, "Movie on."
So I rewound the movie. Or I thought I was. Turns out I wasn't and the credits ran.
"AHHH, Movie!"
Finally I figured it out and so he watched the movie again. All was well.
Until, again, it ended after its 22 minute run.
Sweet boy came out of the bedroom and ate some water melon. Then he looked up at me with his moon-sized brown eyes and said, "Where's Mama?"
"Well, she is running an errand and she'll be back."
"MAMA NO COME BACK!!??"
"Oh, she's coming back soon! It's okay,Buddy!"
"No okay Buddy!"
"Mama!"
I rubbed his back a bit and let him be.
Tears, sadness, recovery.

After a few minutes he walked up to me, gazed right at me and leaned toward me. I kissed his face.
"Buddy, Mama will be back soon."

Later we played on the bed and he told me, "Tickle me please." We tickled and played and after a bit I left to go check on my kids in the family room.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Come tickle" and he pulled me back to the room.
"More tickle, please."
"down please!"
We laughed and tickled and had such a sweet time. It was so lovely. I really connected with him. How nice it was to truly experience and enjoy his sweet being. My only hope is that he recalls the last half of our visit more then the first half.

"Breathe Deep"

I named my blog "Breathe Deep". You know a way of calming oneself. It is just that is hard to "breathe deep" when one's teeth are clenched

Today's email I didn't want from AJ's teacher

Hi,

Could you drop by for a chat in the next few days?

Thanks.

"TEAHCER"

Testing...1,2,3 testing

AJ's triannaual IEP is next week. Or at at least the 1st meeting. As I mentioned previously, I said I wouldn't consent to testing until all providers emailed myself, and each other, with what tests they were going to give. Then I found the fabulous neuropsych. I met with her Friday 1 1/2 weeks ago. She is a hip, yet earthy, gal who does come across as quite intelligent and experienced. The best part of the interaction was my leaving feeling/knowing that she gets all the pieces. She gets sensory issues, stimming, processing, attention, language deficits, anxiety. She knows all those pieces and I believe will be able to really sort out AJ's picture. Hopefully things can get easier because his rages are wearing me down. Ki is also more effected by AJ and his wacky behavior lately. He yells and hits and plays too rough. Kind of typical brother stuff-but a couple notches higher. She is beginning to hit him first and say things like, "I wish AJ lived somewhere else." It can't help that the phrase that he is currently stuck stimming on and saying multiple times a day is, "Kiki is a poopoo head." He wanders around saying it all through out the day. Almost like the "It's a Small World" song being lodged in your head. I can only complain so much because this phrase replaces the prior perseverative favorite, "mama toot". In which "toot" means "fart" in our house. "Mama toot" could be shouted, whispered, hummed, and produced with a variety tunes. Often in succession, too. Like this, "mama toot. MAMA TOOT. MAAMAA TOOOOT!!!"
So, I do feel her pain.
Be careful about spending too much time at our house. The next phrase could include YOUR name and a body function.

Why country song writers are not known for their lyrics

On a country music radio station you can find the song with these words:

I'd like to see you out in the moonlight

I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks

I'd like to walk you through a field of flowers

And I'd like to check you for tics

Random thoughts

Seems I am not alone in being techno challanged, as Double Trouble is also requesting assist in how to modify her blog. Those fancy friends of mine with links and photos n their texts are much more exciting. I have the goal of learning how to put pics in. I love taking pics. Today I volunteered to take pics of each of the kids in AJ's class, and a class photo. It was fun meeting each child briefly. I hate introducing myslef as "Mrs K.". It kills me, but I know that is what they do at school, so I vascillated between "Mrs K.", "AJ's Mom" and just "J.". The girls are really into Hannah Montana, which both cracks me up and terrifies me at the same time
Hey, I tried a link there for Hannah Montana! Thanks jennyalice for the advice!!!!
Now I am really a Hot Mama.

kids

I just hate it when I loose a friend's kid and I'm not sure where to look first-the bottom of the lake or the traffic filled street.
Turns out he thought hiding in the life gaurd station was a cool spot.

Cooking Corn

I feel the need to pass on my favorite way to cook corn

Put 1 ear in the microwave, husks, silk and all
Cook 2 1/2 min
Let cool slightly and remove husks
eat