Midnight

I feel better. I got a chunk of stuff done tonight for special PTA and regular PTA boards I am on. And I sent off emails to professsionals about AJ. I have been avoiding seeking out further evals for him and touching base with school/spec ed about school year. I hate confrontation-so easier to avoid.
I heard about a pediatric neuropsych who is new to town but has 10 years of experience. She is also a Mom. I contacted her about evaluating AJ for ADD/ADHD and anxiety or whatever he's got along those lines. She sounded friendly and intelligent on email. Whatever that means. She is new here and trying to get her name out, so I feel like that alone means she would do (or attempt to do) a bang up job on an evaluation knowing how connected I am in the community personally and professionally. And she probably has more time and energy than the butt-rammed professionals from other large clinics and hospitals. It is all speculation who knows.
She has also done work (research) on temporal lobectomies, which is a procedure that is sometimes done on people with an uncontrolled seizure disorder. I have evaluated a few of these patients in the past at Stafford Hospital. Pretty crazy that you can have part of your brain resected and sometimes, be no worse for the wear intellectually.
I also asked if she would be interested in doing a talk for special PTA, and she would. Yipee! I just wrote so I am waiting to hear what topics she might be interested in doing.
Got my name in print again. My only concern is that by doing these interviews and being the president of Special PTA, I am outing my son more. I am not sure if I am helping or hindering him.
Check it out.
http://www.insidebayarea.com/sanmateocountytimes/ci_6663560
Last week of summer...

The new school year

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed about the new school year. You know-overcommitted, (PTA, SEPTAR, etc, work). Tight daily schedules. Early mornings... I don't know who AJ's teacher will be. Lots of homework this year. Peers. Worries over kids teasing or being unkind to AJ. Ki needs some friends...
You in the tribe, you know what I mean. Last night I had a dream that I fully remembered when I woke up. I was replayed it in my head for awhile.

I was with 2 friends from long ago and we were in a motorhome of sorts. It was raining and flooding. The flooding was increasing and we weren't sure if we should go South to our home and collect our belongings first or go North to safe and higher grounds. There was debate and conflict among us about this. Then the flooding worsened and was approaching the window level of the motor home. It seemed like we/I made the wrong decision about which way to go. We were stuck in unmoving traffic with no where else to go.

Then one of my kids, husband or a dog woke me up.

Pretty intense dream. Later I recalled that dreaming about drowning and flooding is an indicator of feeling out of control of your life. Very wacky dream. mmmmm....

One more week of summer.

I didn’t get to a number of things I had hoped to:
AJ (and Ki) still can’t tie their shoes.
I never ended up getting AJ tutoring over the summer.
We didn’t do as much math and reading etc as I had planned on, especially for AJ.
AJ had only 1 play date, or maybe no playdates, with a typical kid. (Not counting family type get togethers, and that was only 2 or 3.)
He no longer has and doesn’t know how, to ride a 2 wheel bike.
Ki doesn’t know how to ride a 2 wheeler.
Ki had only a handful of playdates.
No work on hand writing for AJ.

Things I am pleased about:
Trip to Pajaro dunes
Trip to Sac on the train and spending the night there
Trip to Arnold
Day trip on train to San Jose
Kids going with Sandrini to the Discovery Museum for the day
Trip to the Zoo
AJ, seemingly, successfully attended and enjoyed day camps for the first time:
Soccer camp
Baseball camp
Out door camp (twice)
Ki successfully attend and enjoyed day camps for the first time:
Sports camp
Beach dancing camp
Camp at Safari Run (with a friend)
Soccer camp (with a friend)
Time spent having kids swim at the lake and pool.
I eeked in swim lessons for both in the last 2 weeks of summer.
I got a Sponge Bob typing program and AJ has been playing with that. His writing is so poor we will need to be adept at keyboarding.
Teaching the kids how to play Yahtzee. This has been a great family game and they practiced their math.

I can't make a straight line

I made Rice Krispie Treats. No matter how often I slice off a piece, I can't make the edge straight. Then I have to carve off the offensive piece that bulges out, again attempting to even out the whole so it will have a straight edge. I am persistent and neat. I make sure none of those haggard edge pieces are left littering my kitchen.

Saint Martha Fucking Stewart was at MY house!

I just returned from our family vacation. Jennyalice volunteered to care for animals and plants.
I spoke to her this afternoon before we got home. She had been cleaning the poop out of the guinea pigs cages!!!! AHHH! No no no. I only do that once a week. This from a woman who is somewhat unnerved by the fellas.
I returned home to find gifts of veggies, milk, croissants, bread, salami and makings for root beer floats.
Then, get this. Laundry. Laundry, sheets and clothing, clean and folded and ready to be used!!! She did my laundry!!
Clothes! She cleaned out her closet and left me clothes she doesn't wear any longer. She has nice clothes!

But the piece d' resistance. SHE CLEANED MY REFRIGERATOR! Now this is a present of presents for anyone. But my refrigerator was getting to the point that I figured it would be easier to replace it, than clean it. Ahhhh, a small corner of my soul feels cleansed.

I'm obsessed

I am obsessed with buying a place up here. It is so fabulous I can't get over it. The most beautiful, darling lake with paddle boats, kayaks, docks to jump off, sand for building and sleeping on, playground. And driving access to fishing, hiking, state parks. The Stanislaus River. HUGE Lake Alpine. Many places for water sports. Not to mention winter sports of downhill and XX country skiing, sledding etc. Forest, forest, forest. peace, peace, peace. Calavaras state Park (10 min away) has daily Jr Ranger activities. Kids loved it. Cute town of Murphy's nearby (We have not actually visited).
So we are on day 4 1/2 of NEVER having the TV or VCR on.
I am reading real estate ads with Pops. We've got to make this work.
Need to come up here with some other families in the future. This lake has a shallow swim area with lifeguards.
Anyone want to go in on a house/cabin??? We need about $35,000. to $500,00. total. Some come already furnished!
Packing tonight and home tomorrow...:(

Day 3 and the tribe’s uniform of orange Croc’s save us

A few weeks ago the family went to REI specifically to buy CROC clogs for AJ. We needed to replace the pair of knock-offs that had finally fallen apart. The only ones in his size were orange. That was fine-so we purchased them. I laughed to myself because two of our friends who are 6 year-old boys with ASD also have and love their orange CROC’s. It was beginning to seem like this was some unspecified uniform for the tribe..

Mid morning today AJ went outside and I hurled after him, “Stay on the deck.” Of course 5 min later he was down by the lake throwing rocks in. I called him back up and reminded him to stay here. I then took a shower. When I got out Granny was in her room putting things away. I forget I need to be so concrete as to remind her to look out for the kids when I am in the shower. That logic doesn’t come to her spontaneously any longer. But most often she is obsessed about where they are if she can’t see them. So I hear, “Judy where is AJ and Ki?” all day. Even when all they have done is gone into the bathroom. So today I asked her to call for him from the deck. Which she did, and did and did again.
“Okay, that’s good Mom,” I snarked in a snitty tone.
“Well, he hasn’t answered.”
“Well, he rarely does. He is probably down at the lake. I just need a couple of more minutes to get my clothes on.”
“I’ll call him some more.”
No, Mom, don’t.” I was thinking, my God sound travels here and the hysterical screaming Grandma is not what the neighborhood needs. That and I am pissed that I have to invest energy, time and emotion into looking for him when he wanders. I know he can control the wondering better than he does. I hate feeling sucked into a panicked search mode by him.
So I finished dressing THEN I walked out on to the balcony scanned around, and bellowed
”AJ”. Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Now I am feeling concerned AND calling him bad names in my head. So I take Ki and we head down to the lake. Granny, who has multiple joint arthritis, COPD (emphysema) and a cold says she is going to head up the street. I walk along the lake and think if he was at the shallow edge, he may have fallen in and hit his head and drown. So I am scanning the waters edge. We get to the lakes dam and a Mom looks at me with concern. Obviously she has heard me calling him. So I ask her, “Have you seen a little boy in a green shirt?” She ponders, but maintains a vague look.
Shit, I thought to myself. Of course today he has on this non-descript green shirt with a couple stripes on it. I brought bright blue, neon green and orange shirts on the trip because I feel safer dressing him in bright shirts. But he is not wearing one of those.
“Does he have orange shoes on?”
‘Yes!” The recently purchased orange Crocs from REI.
“Oh, I saw him way up the road he was just walking along peacefully.”
“Okay, thanks!”
I feel fine now because I know he is away from the water and I hear someone calling my name. Ki and I head up the road to the cabin.
Of course by then Granny and AJ had returned to the cabin and headed down to the lake. They catch up with us in a few minutes. I realize I need to figure out how I am going to handle this. Yuck. I hate discipline. So I tell Ki that I might make up a little story.
AJ,”Momma, I’m sorry, I got lost. I didn’t know which cabin was ours. “
Me, “And how did you feel when that happened?”
AJ, “I was sad.”
Me, “Were you scared?”
AJ, “Yeah, a little scared too.”
Me, “Well, I was really scared. I thought you had fallen into the lake and died.”
AJ, “No, I didn’t died.”
Me, “I know and I’m glad. But I was really worried. So I called the police.” (I didn’t)
AJ, “You called the police?”
Me, “Yeah and they were REALLY angry that you had wondered off.”
AJ, “Oh.”
Me, “So now you have a 20 minute time out.”
Now I’ve put AJ in time-out before and usually just the mention of one yields verbal raging that then continues on with me just increasing the time. I told him to go into the room Daddy and I were sleeping in, to look at the clock and to come out at 10:46. I removed the 2 magazines. And the windows don’t provide a view. He readily walked in and lay on the bed. He was ready to put in the time he knew he’d earned, no raging here. And 20 minutes for a guy with ADD/ADHD is an eternity. Ki and I then went for a walk and left Granny at home as well. We returned at 10:45. I leaned in and AJ was still sitting on the bed.
“One more minute, then come out.”
10:46 am, “Hi Mama, can I have a root beer?”
“No, not now. We’re gonna walk to the lake in a minute.”
”Is Granny coming?”
“No. She’s had enough exercise this morning. Daddy will bring her when he drives over later.”
”Put your Croc’s on. It’s time to go”

It's kinda sick, but I'm doing it anyway

I am on vacation and there is wireless at the lake. I mean AT the lake. I am sitting on a deck AT the lake while I am hooked in. Kids, Pops and Granny are 25 feet away on the beach. But really, can working and blogging be more enjoyable than this?

A saved entry:
VACATION-Night One

A decent drive up here. We are in Arnold. Specifically, we are at a cabin in a community surrounding a small lake, Lake Mont Pines Lake. So peaceful and quaint. We ate dinner outside on the deck. After dinner the five of us played Yatzee. This was the first time our family has played a game together. A big leap for us. AND we didn’t watch ANY TV or movies since arriving. Amazing.

Day 2
Kids and Pops went for a walk and threw racks into the lake in the am. We are working together to remember the various animals we see on the trip. On their walk they saw a snake (yellow and black stripes) and a blue Jay. We drove through Arnold (we are just south of town) and up to Bear Valley. We bought sandwiches in the lodge there. Back into the car and we drove up to Alpine Lake (alt. ~7,350 ft) we had a picnic at the lakeside. A big, beautiful lake. Huge granite boulders surround it making for great boulder scrambling. We missed our girls (dogs) when we saw 2 golden retrievers playing fetch in the water. Various water crafts were out on the water and available to rent-kayaks, canoes, small motorized fishing boats and sailboats. There were also some larger motor boats. Fortunately, I don’t think you can ski here. The camping sites are right on the water, tremendous sites. Given, of course, your kids are water safe. We then drove further up to Mosquito Lake and then back to our place. All of us took a nap and then headed to the lake for a late afternoon swim. Back at the cabin we had burritos for dinner and surprise root beer floats for dessert. AJ has been obsessed with root beer floats lately, so we surprised him. We had another family game of Yatzee, and then the kids went to bed. Pops is so good with the kids.
NOT ONCE TODAY, NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND, WAS THE TV ON.
Don’t get me wrong here; I am not in Utopia (except for the TV part). AJ is still having occasional ragers, Ki whines on and Granny repeats herself. But it is all less and we are all, generally, quite happy.
I want to buy a cabin here. Seems like an ideal place. The lake(s) offer lots of fun swimming and boating stuff and there are tons of hikes to take. There are places to go fishing. You are close to skiing without living in tons of snow. Also, the town is enough of a town. There are restaurants, and a big grocery store. Even a couple Cafés! So if you have a couple hundred thousand lying around-let me know.

Vacation

We are heading out of town for 5 nights! Kids, Pops, Granny and myself. We rented a cabin in Arnold, a small mountain town with a nearby lake. It will be HOT, 95 and up. I will have to work om my body hair issues and don my yet-to-be-worn bathing suit. I am looking forward to a vacation that is designed to be relaxing. We can play games, go to the lake, go for a drive, read, read, read. I just bought a mindless comedy-mystery book. Perfect. Everything else I picked up was along the lines of "the family is all lovely and fine until...then they go to hell and back". No thanks. Just don't really need that. The kicker is that my TV addicted family will have to cut the cord. No TV. There are movies, which I'm sure we'll OD on, but no TV. So no baseball, cartoon network, Disney Channel etc.
I most likley will not have internet access. And I am addicted to checking e-mail and my budddies blogs. My family is probably cheering that one. I'm still going to take work and try to get current on some stuff. No biggy, I like it. Jennyalice has agreed to care for the guinea piggies and cat and plants. No small job. Expecially when considering she jumped backwards in response to my holding up one of the piggies for to admire. Admiration isn't the word I'd choose for her feelings about the boys. Java Puppy is back to the trainer and Beautiful Brown Sierra will go to the in-laws. I tried to give her to a couple families I know that have had big dogs previously and are Sierra admirers, but all are out of town. She'll be fine. But not as many potential fetch games or loving sessions.
Now that I am an adult, or so I am told. I realize that vacations are always a lot of work for the Mommy in the family. SO MUCH packing. And remembering what to pack. With 5 of us and the need to bring towels (beach, bath and kitchen), pillows and sheets-we are going to be packed to have breathing room only in the car. I'll miss hearing from my buddies...

Tomato Sandwiches

Squid (a friend) told me about the tomato sandwiches she makes for her family in the summer. I am currently scarfing down my second meal of tomato sandwichs.

My take on it:
Italian slipper bread, sliced
thickly sliced tomato
pesto (in a jar from Trader Joes)
mayo
salt and pepper

combine into open faced sandwich

SO very good

Why is it ...

AJ has trouble following the directions, "Put your shoes in the basket and go in your room and get 2 pairs of socks".
But he can tell me,
"Today we drove past Aunt Mary's house. We took 680
to 24
to 13
to 580
to 238
to 880
to 92
to 280
and then home."

Update on my face (see prior post)

When I looked in the mirror this morning I was greeted with:
- a right eye more swollen than from the previous day
- The "scrapes" on my right eye lid more prominent
- "scrapes" on my left lid that I hadn't realized were there
- scabey sores all over my upper lip

I look like a diseased, beaten woman.
I did the waxing so I would "look better"(?)
So the question is, do I tell the mothers of my clients why I look like a diseased-beaten woman? I don't typically discuss my body hair issues with just anyone. Then again, who wants there child alone in a room with a diseased-beaten woman? ...mmmmmm

Hot mama's

You just never know what might happen when they get together.

denuding myself

Ah, the little, and sometimes not so little, hairs that sprout in unwanted places. It's been awhile since I've defurred my face. Based on my past experiences, I have trepidation about doing this myself. Years ago I waxed my bikini area and ended up with horrifying bruising in my groin area. On my upper lip I've always broken out in a mustache of acne.
I made a few calls to salons-but never got in. And the little hairs continued to flourish. I can't stand the little hairs any more! So last night at 11 pm I decided it was time to rip those babies out with my recently purchased facial wax strips.

I went to bed with my upper eyelids and upper lip burning. I don't remember it hurting this much. I awoke to swollen eye lids. On one of them I actually managed to pull off some skin - so now I look like I walked into a wall. And the upper lip, it is in shock as evidenced by the newly acquired acne mustache.
Good thing I didn't go for the bikini wax.
If there is a nexttime for all this-I'm scheduling in advance and paying up front.

A question

If the week looks like this:
M swim at the pool
T swim at the lake
W swim at a friends pool
Th swim at the pool
F swim at the lake
S swim at Grandpa's pool

Then when and how often does one need to bathe the little children?

I cherish my coffee and my coffee time

Currently I am reading Blue Shoes and Happiness by Alexander McCall Smith. It is the 7th book in the series The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. They are sweet, simple books that serve as a nice escape. I loved the following piece where the main character shares her thoughts on life and tea (the sister to coffee on my mind).


"She put the paper aside and marshalled her thoughts. It was all very well sitting there on her verandah thinking about the problems of others, but it was getting late in the afternoon and there were things to do. In the kitchen at the back of the house there was a packet of green beans that needed to be washed and chopped. There was a pumpkin that was not going to cook itself. There were onions to be put in to a pan of boiling water and cooked until soft. That was part of being a woman she thought, one never reached the end. Even if one could sit down and drink a cup of bush tea, or even two cups, one always knew that at the end of the tea somebody was waiting for something. Children or men were waiting to be fed; a dirty floor cried out to be washed; a crumpled skirt called for the iron. And so it would continue. Tea was just a temporary solution to the cares of the world, although it certainly helped... Most problems could be diminished by the drinking of tea and the thinking through of things that could be done while tea was being drunk. And even if that did not solve the problems, at least it could put them off for a little while, which we sometimes needed to do, we really did." page 12-13

Follow up on the little one

I called case manager and expressed my concerns. Requested speech 3 times a week, an OT eval for SID and concurred with rec to have family see psych there that does ASD diagnosis. I held eval to go over with mom at first therapy session. There are 5 pages of details that one who "is in the know", would "know" what I was outlining without labelling. It is touchy-technically I am not supposed to diagnose. If the family were to look up things online, they would be able to match up symptoms to my report. I know that a dx will likely be provided in the next couple months. I feel that starting the therapy and family education process is good. It still breaks my heart knowing that one day soon all of their fears will be confirmed.

GOOSE!

One of my dearest clients is a six-year-old boy with ASD (Autism Spectrun Disorder or Autism). At times when he is frustrated or confused by the task at hand he may bang his head on the wall, floor or the nearest person.
Last week we had a productive, successful session and I was wrapping up. It was hot and I was wearing white pants with the thought that the light color would make me cooler. While he stood on the rug, I began to clean-up a few things on the floor. I turned, and bent to pick up a puzzle.
It must have been the size of the target and the bright white. Suddenly, while in my precarious position, I received a head butt to my hind quarters that nearly landed me in the second shelf of the bookcase.
If I had been him, I would've done the same thing. It was funnier than anything.

My son?

I took Granny and the kids out to breakfast the other day.
The waitress arrived and I ordered. She then said, "And what does he want", while motioning to my...daughter.
When I turned and looked at Ki, I couldn't fault the waitress. There sat Ki in her favorite new hat. It's a Spiderman baseball hat that she claimed after her brother brought it home from a birthday party. This was paired with her A's t-shirt.
The only thing feminine about her is her beautiful face.

AJ "Wanna see my finger?"

AJ has pretty much recovered from the fracture and nail avulsion of his right middle finger. He still enjoys sharing his injury with people. Of course modelling the injury is best done by folding down the fingers beside the recovering finger and holding it up to the face of the observer. My sweet boy has no idea what he is communicating.

mmmmm

1. Situation ::
crazy

2. Theme song ::
I'm a nut

3. Kelly ::
Merriefield (high school friend)

4. Club ::
soda

5. Swerve ::
beause I was talking on the cell

6. Couch ::
with my big butt

7. Bigfoot ::
that's me

8. Arbitrary ::
bla bla

9. Inventor ::
Roy W. my friend

10. Blazer ::
Simpson

Please remember to use http://subliminal.lunanina.com when linking to Unconscious Mutterings. Thanks!

The Eyes Have It

While sitting on the couch AJ queries, "Momma, why is there a rope coming out of your vagina?"
I remember I am having my period and respond, " ."
Given his simpler thinking as demonstrated below-I avoid an explanation.
AJ, "Momma, can we cut the rope or pull on it?"
Me, "NOO! I mean, uh, No."

Concrete?

me at dinner time, "AJ! THERE IS A PIECE OF PIZZA IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
AJ shows up and stares at the pizza on the plate, "Where's my name?"

Your chance to diagnose

In my practice 50% to 75% of my caseload are from my Regional Center contract to provide early intervention services to children up to the age of three. Monday I had a new evaluation. So for you out there, here is an exam for you. Parents and therapists alike are invited to participate. If you are a Mama in my tribe you're likely to score better that many of the therapsits out there.

Read portions of my evaluation below and write a brief summary, include your clinical impressions and recommendations.
Client:A two, nearly three, year old boy.
me,"Tell me about his talking."
Mom," Well, he use to have some animal sounds, but he is not making them any more."
me, "What does he say or what sounds do you hear.?"
Mom, "ma or mamamam, ba, da, yi, raspberries, humming, squeals."
me,"Does 'ma' or 'da' ever mean 'Mama' or 'Dada' or is it just a babble?"
Mom, "I think sometimes he does, if he is really mad."

me,"How does he let you know what he wants?"
Mom, "He takes my hand and pulls me, or pushes me, or pushes my hand in the direction of what he wants."
me, "Does he ever point to what he wants?"
Mom,"No."
me, "Does he point to pictures, like in a book."
Mom,"No."


Mom,"He really likes having things in order. If he picks up something off the table or his plate, he puts it back in exactly the same place. He's very neat, if cat chow comes out of the bowl onto the floor, he picks it up and puts it in. He loves to close doors, turn lights on and off and flush the toilet. We hope he'll still be so tidy when he is older!"

me, "What toys or activiteis does he enjoy?"
Mom,"He loves puzzles and is really good at them. Also, balls and cars. His favorite toy that plays music and lights up when you press the alphabet letters. Oh and he loves running. He could run all day. He has a lot of energy. He loves wrestling with his Dad."

me," How is eating for him? Does he have specific likes or dislikes?"
Mom, "OH Yeah! He is a very picky eater! He will only drink milk and it has to be in one of these 3 cups that are the some. He's chewed the straws down on the cups. I changed the straw, but then he wouldn't use the cup at all. He loves, pizza, and pasta-but only if it is filled pasta. He'll eat meat only if it is ground. He won't eat fruit unless it is babyfood. Even if I put in little chunks of banana in the baby food banana, he spits out the chunks. If I spill something on his tray, he likes touching it-like yogurt or milk. But he doesn't like hacing his hands dirty. He didn't like the playdough at school. I don't think he knew what to do with it so he just poked it with the little knife they gave him. He liked playing in the rice though, because he could pour it."

me,"I notice he is sitiing in your lap facing you. He did look at me and wave hello. Will he sit on the floor with you?"
Mom, "This is what he usually does when we are anywhere but home." She attempted to turn him to face away from her chest, and he refused both physically and by vocalizing. "He likes really tight hugs in situations like this, it seems to calm him. He is very afffectionate"
me,"Well, our first goal will be to get him use to tolerating being here. Our first step will be to see if he can tolerate facing out whiole you hold him. Then we'll see if he will tolerate sitting on your lap on the floor. At that time we'll have you sit further back on the carpet, in the corner. That way he won't consider that you might stand up and go out the door.This will also become a safe place for him"

Other things to consider:
I do not yet have any forms with history from the family-as they weren't able to get them until the day of the evaluation. (Does that matter?)
He is an only child. (why does that matter?)
Family (both parents present) never asked about prognosis or diagnosis.
They clearly adore him and do not appear overly concerned.

Happy Fourth!

Every year when I go to the Fourth of July parade I feel weepy. Everytime members of the military go by I stand and applaud. I am thankful for their efforts. I get weepy thinking about the horrors some of them have experienced. That and how they have spent long stretches of time away from their loved ones and lived in grimey spaces with little in the way of creature comforts. All that and they get paid crap.
Thank you soldiers.
Peace on earth is our best bet.

4:00 to 8:00 pm

The crazy time. It is at every house. My friend once said, "With kids the hour before dinner is the worst. So I made dinner an hour earlier. It didn't matter." I think lots of us Mama's have tried that. It is just a crazy time for all. particularly when you throw in a "special" kid and a wine drinking women with Alzheimers who is likely sundowning. Tonight felt particulary crazed.

AJ hurt his foot at camp today. They had me pick him up earlier, at 2:00 pm. I'd been told it was a scrape from the bottom of the pool and maybe some minor swelling. I arrive and his foot has an ice pack ace-wrapped on. No crying, I know he is fine. Aj enjoys drama, and was unable to walk, so I carried his wet butt to the car. On the way he said, "The life gaurds should have given me crutches." As he climbs into the car he looks at me and declares, "Mama, you need to get a wheelchair." I had a real tough time keeping a straight face. So we headed home and I set he and Ki up with TV (Granny awake and keeping an eye on them). Then I retreated for a nap.
The real fun started later when I got up. AJ hadn't exercised much, and likely is tired and thus was more volatile than usual. Likely a total of 4 to 5 to raging events from 4:00 to 8:00. My requests to turn off tv and do home work yielded one. We got thru some with me doing the dreaded "writing" part of it. He screamed at Ki, which caused her to cry. Granny kept asking how his poor foot was. Which caused the limp to become more involved with each query. Java, the puppy, chewed a pool Noodle and distributed it across the porch. Granny was drinking wine at 4:30. The dog kept barking. Granny asked 4 times where we were going for diner (same answer every time). AJ yells at Granny when she, again, asks how he hurt his foot. AJ blows up in the car on the way to Chili's because Ki did not tell a joke the way "it is supposed to go". Ki asks a few minutes later, "why is no one talking?" I know I am not talking because I can't talk and grit my teeth at the same time. Dinner was not as bad as I feared (Pops out tonight so it was "just me"). She asked, and was told, 3 or 4 times where Kurt was and what he was doing. Granny always wants to pay for dinners. I appreciate the offer, but the hassle often overrides the benefit. As we left she asked if she left a tip. "Yes." Then in the car, "Sage, did I pay for dinner?". Oh boy, I thought, this gonna make me fucking nuts tonight. So I decided to be a real sicko and count the number of times she asked about paying and try to look at it as a form of entertainment. 2 more times in the car. Currently, we are at home and there have been 2 more. So a total of five. But neither of us have gone to bed yet.

Mommy, my arm hurts

By 11 am today we were out at the end-of-season Little League Picnic. OH such fun, jump houses, swimming, potluck, trophies for every kid. And at 11:20...
Ki, "MOMMY, I hurt my arm. AJ jumped on me in the jump house!"
Ki can be a bit dramatic and is quick to cry. Especially if wronged in any way by AJ. Of course AJ is very rough and I have no doubt he jumped on her.
Me, "Okay, okay, just sit here and rest a bit and I'll give you a hug." My version of pacifying her. But she continued to complain about her arm, although she wasn't crying much. She held it close to her body and declined to return to the jump house for a final romp before swimming.
Me,"Where does it hurt?"
Ki pointed to her lower arm.
Pops, who is an athletic trainer and physical therapist, began to look concerned.
Pops, "Ki, can you straighten your arm?"
No go.
Pops, "Can you turn your arm and have your palm face up?"
No go.
Pops, "Can you open and close your hand?"
No go.
By now we have moved and are sitting on a bench next to the pool and AJ is swimming. Pops tells me he thinks she has broken her arm. She keeps pointing the "radial head" in her lower arm as the place where it hurts.
That is when "the feeling" starts to overcome me. That I-can't-catch-a-fucking-break feeling. Thoughts churning in my head:
Pain for Ki...
AJ will have a howling, earth-shaking fit when we tell him we have to leave.
There will be staring, his "cover" will be blown...
My Mom...ahhhhh...
It's Sunday, it'll be hours in the ER...
Are we going to be reported by the ER to Child Protective Services?
Last year AJ was in the ER when he broke his arm. A few months ago he broke a
finger. Now Ki with a broken arm.
Ki has camp tomorrow. No sports camp with a broken arm.
Fight-or-flight shallow breathing. I just need to cry for a little bit. I know the drill. I cry, but don't let the kids see. Pops comforts me. I'll feel okay and then be ready to take this on. But first I need to reach out and touch the icy burn of this feeling of being totally overwhelmed. And then I start to feel better. I am ready to take this on. In fact, I'm good. I'm always good in an emergency. Pops and I strategize. Eat lunch first, Ki is not in a great deal of pain. She needs to eat. Break the news to AJ. Head home, drop off AJ. Pack for the ER stay.
I run into Brian's Dad. Brian is the boy AJ had the play date with 2 weeks ago. He is also one of the coaches. I explain our situation. He offers to keep AJ. I explain to Brian and AJ and they are both thrilled. I am happy for AJ.
We drop by home and I change into pants, closed shoes and grab a sweater (the ER is always cold). I pack books for the 3 of us and a deck of cards. Ki is quiet on the way over. We know where to park, and that the guard at the door will want to look in the bag I packed. I am dreading the hours ahead. The ER is almost standing room only. I laugh to see that the TV is showing a competitive pool game. Who the hell would want to watch that? We fill out a form and sit down.
Ki entertains herself by putting her palms flat and elevating her torso up and down in the chair. I eye Pops and point to Ki. That doesn't look like an activity for a sore arm.
"Ki, how is your arm now?"
"Lots better now, Mommy."
"Can you straighten it?"
Yep.
"Can you turn your hand and make your palm look toward the ceiling?"
Yep.
"Can you shake my hand?"
Yep.
Pops does a strength test and compares her right and left arms and wrist.
Yep-they look the same.
"Can you wave?"
Yep.
"Ki, I think we can go now."
"Why? We didn't have our turn yet."
"I don't think you need a turn. And if you do, we'll come right back. How about if we go to Jamba Juice?"
"Okay!"
"Great - there's also a Peet's there. Mommy and Daddy are feeling a little tired and need a cup of coffee."
That is when I get the other "feeling". That sometimes-I-can-catch-a-fucking-break feeling.

Yummy Corn Salad

I made a yummy side dish salad today:

Yummy Corn Salad

3 ears corn-cut off cob
3 small to medium tomatoes-chopped
1/2 large vidalia or sweet onion-chopped
1 avocado-diced
4-5 leaves basil-chopped
2 gloves garlic-minced
olive oil
2-3T seasonded rice vinegar
salt and pepper to taste

1. Saute corn, garlic and onion in olive oil until corn is somewhat browned
2. cool corn mixture
3. stir in avocado, tomatoe, basil
4. add salt and pepper

It tasted great at room temperature

Ki as God

Last Sunday we celebrate fathers day and Aunt Marilyn's 97th birhtday. The VERY Catholic Aunt said the obligatory Catholic grace. Then Ki wanted a turn. I asked her to tell us what she was grateful for. She did and AL did. Very sweet.
On our beach trip here on the 1st night, the kids, Granny and I sat down to dinner. Suddenly Ki says, "I wanna be God."
Huh?
"OH! Do you mean you want to say what you are grateful for?"
"Yeah!"

Her slips of the tongue are a lttle scarey.

The unfiltered life

AJ often lacks the social filter that would be expected of a kid his age. This and the impulsivity with the not formally diagnosed ADHD calls up lots of doing-without-thinking events.
Today we hoofed it down to the beach. Perfect weather and the kids and other beach goers were playing in the water and sand. I looked up and there was AJ standing 20 feet in front of me with his bathing suite mid-thigh and his white butt glaring. I yelled, "AJ! AJ!". Nothing. Ah geeze. I jumped up and ran to him. I figured he was trying to get some of the pounds of sticky sand off. Nope. I arrive at his side to find he's taking a wiz. Right there in the middle of the not-empty beach.
"You can't pull down your pants and take a piss on the beach! A.J., You CAN NOT take a piss in the middle of the beach!"
I know I am wasting my breath because what kid can stop a piss once he has started it. And why am I saying "piss" to my 8 year old? So I wait until he has finished the worlds longest watering job and I say it again.
"Mama, I didn't want to go all the way inside to go."

Notes from the beach

It's midnight and I am here at The Dunes with the kids and Granny. We are renting a condo we have rented before.
-the last 2 nights I have put the kids to bed and then climbed onto the couch with pillow and blamket and read until I fell asleep, woke-up, read some more and went back to sleep.
-love having that perky little blonde face smiling in mine at 6 am. Why do they never sleep in? But I am blessed because they get up and watch tv and generally entertain themsleves safely. Generally, I say because they'll eat cookies for breakfast.
-AJ keeps busy outdoors by trying to fill the slough and ocean with rocks and sticks he finds on the shore
-Do not buy and bring BBQ flavored (colored) chips to a rental. Or ones own home for that matter
-I still love the bird the giant white egret
-sand dollars are cool
-Granny drinks an amazing amount of ETOH, no matter how much I water it down
-Aj had a bunch of ragers this afternoon. I am beginning to think that this is more common when he is tired. Even though he doesn't look tired or seem tired. I know he was up early
-Ki has been planning a big birthday party for Tigger Fri am. He is her stuffed toy that has been her favorite for years. She lists off extensive info about him:
he is turning 5, when he gets sick it is only for 1 day, she wants a surprise party for him out in the sand, he likes Power Rangers-but not the blue one,

-how is it that so much sand can get into a kids suite and then stick their butt in buttload amounts
-to the Hot Mama's who have been here. I continue to find such peace and enjoyment in the view from this place. We need to come back.
-it seems the ASD and ASDish kids (my guy) often just love and are so calmed by the ocean and water. That and being able to throw rocks and things in. I feel like their is some water connection going with kids in the tribe. Double Trouble and boys are near the ocean in Florida, we are here in CA, and Leelo is in HA.
-Granny is having a nice time. we all go outside to walk 2 or 3 times a day. Plus she is really enjoying the view.
-little birds are nesting on the porches
- I borrowed 2 books from jennyalice that I really enjoyed:
Comfort Me With Apples, by Ruth Reichl was one of them.
-currently I am just into Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan. It is her more recent work. I like it so far. A very atypical plot and storyline.
-condo somewhat similar to this one is the market for just over $800,000.00
-I remember when going to the beach meant tryig to get tan. Now all I get is spots.
-i am booked tight for work. Lots of new clients. So that keeps rolling aorund in my head despite that fact that I did not let myself bring work related things to read or do.
-it is now 1 am and i should go to sleep...

Yeah, I'm a labrador

There is a theory out there that dog owners often look like their dogs. There are even contests to see who looks most like their dog.
We have a lab, okay 2 of them. It is really hard to look like a lab. Their features are not really unique and they don't possess looks that easily transfer to a human. However, after some thought I've decided that while I don't resemble a lab, I do behave like one.

I appear to be quite happy, smiley even
I like greeting people
I like to eat
I have a tendency to be overweight
I enjoy an afternoon nap in the sun
I am highly tolerant and generally unflappable
I bark, if irritated, but it is really not very fierce
I prefer the company of others
I seek out a good cuddle
I believe all people are good at heart, until they show otherwise
I enjoy being in the kitchen
I am known more for my personality then my looks
I value family

Sure beats behaving like a pit bull.

What a day for AJ!

AJ lost his glasses. Seemingly, they are lost in the house. But really, who the hell knows. He has to sit close to the tv to see and needed to be moved to the front of the classroom to see the board. But on Saturday at his baseball game he hit a single, double and TRIPLE!!! Oh YA! People were asking us if he had contacts in!
He looked so "normal" at that game. I basked in the glow. THEN-he got asked for a playdate. Yeah, it just keeps getting better. Mom reported he and Brian had a great time and she was talking about what they could do next time he was over!

A good day in the life a speech therapist

The little girl who says "t" for "s" said her first "s" word today. "Sally", her first name.

The end of the school year

I cry at the end of the school year. For the last 3 or 4 years I have done it. It happens when I am talking to my son's teacher. When I get to the part when I tell them how grateful I am for how accepting, accommadating and thoughtful they have been in teaching him. We have been blessed with good fortune.

Huge loss of Mommy points

Last Wednesday evening AJ had his 1 hour baseball practice at 5 pm. His practices are just up the hill at the school the kids attend. I dropped him off and told him I'd pick him up after practice. I needed that extra time at home. It was to be a busy evening with variety of tasks to be completed on a variety of time tables. Brownies to be made and baked for 27 minutes. A marinade to be made and simmered for 3o minutes, before marinating meat for 15 minutes. These and other things needed to be done before dinner. I set to work and tried to eye my schedule. Significant chopping, measuring and stirring required for the never-before-tried Spicey Apricot Ribs Glaze. Finally, I finished the marinade, put the meat in it, and took out the brownie box to glance at ingredients. I realized I had no eggs. Thinking I could head over to the neighbors to borrow eggs-I consulted my watch to check if they would be home from work. Oh great! It was 6:30, of course they would be home from work by now.
6:30!!!!
OH SHIT!
I was supposed to pick up AJ at 6:00!!!
I sprinted to the car and floored the mini-van out of the cul-de-sac and up toward the school. While the school is only about 1/3 of a mile away, part of the route is a busy, curvy road that has no sidewalks. As I rounded the second curve-there was AJ, safely walking on the edge of the road against traffic. Dressed in his black baseball pants, matching A's jersey & hat, he was comfortably rambling his way down the hill.
I jumped the car into a driveway and motioned for him to get in.
"Mama where were you?"
"Alex, I am SO SORRY! What were you doing?"
"I was walking home."
"Mama, why didn't you pick me up?"
"I made a HUGE mistake! I am so sorry!"
And with no real distress in voice, "That's okay."
He said he thought about asking coach John for a ride home, but then felt shy and didn't do it.
As we drove to the store to buy eggs we rehearsed potential options should this same event repeat itself.
On the way home I asked him if he had felt scared, he said "maybe a little".
It continues to amaze Pops and I about what causes distress for him. Loosing a tooth was much higher on the stress scale than my forgetting him. AJ did show some really good problem solving skills. Of course he should have talked to someone. But he did wait for an appropriate amount of time, and then he started to walk home. He was going the right way and he was safely walking on the edge of the road. Pops and I felt proud of him for coming up with those ideas.
Unfortunately, I still have taken a huge hit on my cumulative Mommy points.

Ki the English Major

Ki s very much into identifying compound words.

"Redwood is a compound word"

"Toilet is a compound word, "toy" and "lit"."

Sleeping with my babies

I love going to bed with my kids.
Snuggle, snuggle love.
Chatter, chatter about the day.
Some of the best comments from AJ that I hear all day.
I'll miss this when they are older.

Health

I frequently feel tired even though I sleep TONS. Sleeping is my retreat. Things start to get nutty-and I start to feel sleepy and think, I want to go to sleep. Not the best coping mechanism. It leaves many of my responsibilities ignored. And surprisingly, note sarcasm here, things are the same when I wake up.
I was thinking earlier about this. It would also probably help if I didn't eat a diet comprised mostly of crappy foods. Ah, something to work on here.

Java Dog

Java puppy is nearly 8 months old. She is a bit taller than Sisi and weighs about 50 pounds. In other words, a very big goof. She has that skinny, lanky, teenager look. Her ears seem to be set high on her head. This results in them often flipping back on top of her head. She looks like a little girl whose pigtails have unknowingly become stuck on her head. She still occasionally climbs into the bathtub with the kids. She will now tolerate my going in to my office and working with a client without going nuts on the other side of the door. She loves playing with the kids and does go nuts if she can't get out and be with them. Yes, she sleeps on our bed. She and Sisi have become fast friends and love to wrestle. It took Sisi 6 weeks before she was willing to play with her. She is a goofy, fearful, stubborn and marginally intelligent dog. I'm glad she is here.

SiSi Dog

Beautiful Brown, or Sisi the chocolate lab, almost succeeded in trying to kill herself on Pops birthday. Previous posts have appropriatley labelled her as,"She who makes poor eating choices." Vommitting, severely dehydrated, vommitted blood...rule out pancreatitis...gaurded...transfering vets 2 times.
Poor ol' brown she looked SO VERY SICK. I knew it was serious when I took her in. It was a long and trying day.
Sisi was a wedding gift to Pops and I 10 years ago. She is like the first baby. She is also one of the gentlest, sweetest, playful most beautiful dogs I've ever known. Losing her would be devastating.
The good news is she is fine. It has been nearly a week now. She is here asleep on the couch. Still on a diet of chicken and rice and pills twice a day of antibiotics, pepcid, etc. I've spent more time cooking her dinner thean my own. This year for vacation it looks like we went to the vet. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Notes on Convention-Night 3

Notes:
~We found a kids book at a book vendor that focused on adjectives, "Bright, vibrant and somewhat trashy." I told Janice it described her.

~Dee is cool and hip and looks like she is 18

~Carol Channing and her husband were surprise speakers. They are 86 and 87 respectively. A darling and humorous pair. She has had so much plastic surgery that a smile adorns her face even while she sleeps. She was a bit dingy with age, but nonetheless, such a fabulous woman.

~Four children received awards for music that they had composed. I am talking about wildly complicated stuff composed and played by an 8 year old. I let the people around me know that my child was very gifted in compositions played on the Kazoo.

~The President elect of District 17 (San Mateo county wide PTA) is 47 and climbed mount Kilamanjaro last summer.

~Dee won 2 awards for District 17, and she still looks like she is 18.

~We danced the night away with 1,000 of our closest PTA Mommas. PTA Poppas are a rarity. That is a lot of Momma Booty doing the electric slide. Janice and I had a fab Freak Dance session.

~It is after midnight and Janice is down in the bar hanging with a couple of PTA Mommas. Or she was 30 minutes ago. I may have to carry thru with my threat to march down in my Eeyore pajamas. As we all know, effective parenting is all about doing what you say you'll do.

~I expected the convention attendees to be a group of nerdy, over-protective, anal, conservative white women. I have been proven wrong. While the majority are white and middle/upper income-there are some serious ball busters here.

~Dee is fun, warm and wise soul. I am so glad I got to know her better. And she looks like she is 18.

~Briefly, I have learned a lot, got some great resources, had a great time and am very pleased I came. A more serious entry later about our work here.

Ki on politics

Ki, "Mommy, is George Bush the president?"
me, "Yes, he is."
Ki, "So is he the same as George Washington?
me, "mmmm, well..."
Ki, "Or is he like Curious George the Monkey?"
me, "Yes, more like that."
Ki, "Is 'Bush' like a tree-bush?"
me, "It may be."
Ki, "Okay."

Convention Update - Fri night

Janice, Dee and I drove to Sacramento for the annual Ca state PTA convention. In my wildest dreams I never thought I'd be a PTA Mom and drive a mini van. As Janice points out, atleast my minivan isn't "beige" like hers. Or "desert mica" as the jaunty people might call it. I think the difference is the Special Ed PTA group we are in is an ass kicking group of woman that I will always want on my side. As individuals these woman will leave the world a better place and as a group, we have the potential to move mountains.


We are keeping a running list of highlights from this trip. Thurs thru Sunday!
~Over 2,000 people here
There must be 50 vendors here with samples of cookies from their cookie dough fund ~
raising products.
~We follow strict parlimentarian procedure here and have a gentleman, Dr. Shilanski, who is a Certified Parlimentarian. AKA Certified Anal Retentive
~as a result of the above there has been a lot of talk about wanting to "amend the amendment of the amendment of the resolution"
~Arnold S. (governor) was supposed to come and speak. Evidently he couldn't make it across the street. We are going to go toilet paper his capitol building later
~Last night Janice went down to have a drink in the bar. I told her midnight was her cufew and if she wasn't back on time I was going to march right down there in my Eeyore pajamas. (yes, I have Eeyore pajamas)
~There is woman with eggplant colored hair
~Janice commented, "There is a lot of dress barn goin' on here."
~Janice has a left her baby at home and her bodacious tata's keep fillig with milk. I am afraid if I lean against her, she will explode and hose me.

More serious report at another time-getting good info here and connecting with people who have succesfully done some things our spec ed group would like to do

Disneyland

I haven't written the Disney update.
WE had a great time. Going on a plane, staying in a hotel. French fries twice a day. All that without Disneyland!
Disneyland was fabulous. I love it. Kids loved it. They still adore the characters-hugs all around. And they liked the parades, shows and pretty much all the rides we went on. We did not do the huge roller coaster at Disneyland Adventure.
Pops' Dad behaved well and didn't indulge in the need to parent our kids. Gramps can launch into sessions of bitching about life's details-I would just tune him out and roll him over to Pops. Gramps did generously foot the bill for the entire trip.
I look forward to going back. And is goes without saying that the kids do.

Back to the hospital 2007

Ah yes. Back to the ol' emergency room at Stafford Hosp.
This am AJ was in the front yard playing with Java and on his way in he slammed his finger in the very large and heavy front door.
Lots of screamiing and crying and unsettling of the entire family-rightfully so.
Over to the MD office who sends us to the ER.
(Actually I am here as I write. We see a professional every 15 or 20 min and then they disappear again. The place is practicallyy devoid of patients-so I am unclear where they are and what they are doing. The good news is cable TV with ESPN and AJ and Pops watching NBA plyaoffs and me on the computer they have in the room)
They have valet parking at ER. $8.00. Never miss an opportunity to hit up panicked, ill people for money! (We didn't fall for it)

I pause-a huge tantrum in ER now. In our room. Not because of pain. But because I just had to tell AJ he won't be going to his baseball game today. He is yelling and screaming and it is "your fault Mama!" Staff is gathering. I stepped out of the room to let him be with Pops. Last time we were here he emptied the staff station with his screams when I told him at 11pm that (due to impending surgery) he would not be getting the milkshake I had promised.

When we arrived in ER Kurt and I logged in our head which of the beds in the adult and pedi ER our family has previously been in. We've visited a fair number of them.

Attending MD is a buff and wears tight scrubs top and tight pants and his name is... Dr. Ross Braun. Could I make that up?

My tolerent mood...fading...
bla bla bla ...
they just put in nerve block in AJ's finger to control pain for other procedures. takes resident 3 tries. AJ held down by 2 -3 people. lon needle-lots of poking.


then he his fine and chatting about about sports and the game he is watching.


bla bla bla ...
nail off , in , out, suture. I leave the room, my head is spinnning.


bla bla bla...
XRAY tip seems fractured we have a call in to Ortho....Liklely do oral antibiotics in case open fracture. (Broken arm last year with open fracutre led to surgery to flush.)

...good it his right hand... he is left handed...but you use both in baseball

bla bla...
more cleaning and a suture and they ask me to leave ahead of time. Pops is with him. AJ is in no pain and is watching TV while they work. Harder on me.

Brings up thoughts of how it seems like this guy can't get a break. Yesterday sent home early from school b ecause he tripped and fell and hit his head on pavement. He is fine. But at times like this I start to log all the things that have not gone well for him, what I haven't done right by him.
no play dates...no friends really...too much TV....not enough reading. Now I am sad and crying. It is hitting me now.

Bruany is done in the other room I think. I'm heading back.

"Disney Land, where your dreams come true"

That's what the commercial says.

AJ "But that is not right. Dreams don't come true."
We were confused by this negative tone after he was in awe on the trip to DL.
"Well, when we were there I made a wish in the fountain and it didn't come true."
Ah hah.
"I wished I was invisible, and I'm not."

Disneyland

I survived Easter.
Day after tomorrow, kids, Pops and I board a plane and fly off to Disneyland. Good news: father-in-law is footing the bill for the trip. But....he is also going.
Please help me to see the white light and breathe patience for all of us.

AJ and Java

AJ loves this dog to death and I am so pleased. This will be the dog he grows up with that is his buddy.
At the moment, Java and I are off to doggie school. I had AJ exercise her so she would be tired. I hope she will not prove to be the giant dork I am afraid she will be.

Nightline

There is a special on NightLine tomorrow about a middle school aged boy with Asperger's syndrome. I saw a brief clip. This very articulate boy talks about how others call(ed) him "Retard". It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Evidently, even as early as third grade (next year) kids start grouping off, really noticing differences and setting themselves apart from those with differences.
I am terrified for AJ and the future, specifically middle and high school years.

Comment

Ki, "Momy, Alison's Mom is fatter than you are."

Kids and Baseball

This am was Opening Day for Little League. zzzzzzz. A bit of bla bla and waiting.
Ki is playing t-ball (where the kids hit the ball off of a tee versus being pitched to). It is co-ed, mostly boys. Four girls on this team, and they are some of the better players.There are no outs, everyone bats and then the other team is up. So each turn a kid swings until s/he hits one and then runs to first (only) and then with each child up, the run the bases. It can be pure entertainment to watch 5 and 6 year olds play a game they are only somewhat clear on. Lots of dirt hill building and daisy picking in the outfield.
Ki takes the game quite seriously. At the last inning she was catcher. One of the other kids threw the ball in and she tagged a runner out before they stepped on home plate. She knew she got him out and was quite proud. She is not a boastful child, so it was fun to see.
AJ's game was later. We kept him back this year so he is in coach pitch, as he was last year. We ended up knowing a large number of the families, and boys, on his team. So many people there know that he has issues with co-ordination, attention etc. At one point AJ was playing third base and a player hit a pop fly. AJ caught that pop fly. I cheered so hard I almost unhinged myself. Lots of people were cheering, because those pop flies are tough for all the boys to catch. He was so proud to hear all the cheering. He gave the crowd a little victory peace sign.
Go get 'em kiddos.

Granny and Ki

They are having such a nice time. They are in the other room making up rhymes and stories. Ki sets up lots of imaginary games for them to play, and Granny plays along so well. She always has.
Granny is so good with kids. She always has been. When i was growing up she (and our home) was often the haven for friends of mine from not so desirable family situations.
I hope that Ki will be able to remember her for the fabulous Granny that she is. They go on walks, play cards, read books, play imaginary games. Granny is the very attentive audience for nearly daily "Ki Shows".
At times Ki gets tired of the repetitions from Granny and is snitty, I have to work to control that.

Updates

In no particular order and with poor grammar

~school district has shat upon my friend and child. no communication, breaking laws, betraying, seemingly supporting an exceptionally crappy teacher. I (and i am no the mama) betrayed, stounded, angry, sad

~Java is a raving psycho puppy to Sierra. I am so sorry Sisi!

~I have a mouth and throat full of kanker, canker, canchor sp? sores. They HURT in a burny, itchy way and are making me irritable.

~A client's Mom brought me a cookie bouquet. So nice! She is thinking of me when her Mom is having total ysterectomy due to cncer

~Another friends Dad recently diagnosed with lung cancer

~Another friends Dad with ramping up leukemia

~There is some shitty stuff going on out there

Java

Well the new "baby" has been here for a month now. The initial entry on Java was put in late. Poor peanut was fixed last Th. Hardly slowed her down, but she did end up with a shave job that makes her look like she has some wild bikini-bottom tan.
She is a typical lab, affectionate, wants to please, goofy. She is also a bit fearful of new people and other dogs. Clearly, she has some social issues. So basically, she fits in well with the rest of us. She is also quite clingy, always wants to be with me. This is a problem with me working here with small kids. She barks and bowls then over and wants to be WITH me. Not in the other room with Granny. She goes nuts when she is cornered off. MMM... This will be a fun one to take care of. I'm taking her to dog school in 2 weeks. I already know I'll have the biggest dork in the class. She will be way bigger than the others and barking and feeling anxious. We have had a couple doggie play dates with neighbor dogs already, that should help.
Poor Sierra. Java runs under her, then over her and is constantly standing on her to get her to play. She completely and totally ignores Sierra's growls to be left alone.
There is one interesting story about Java.
Sierra was a wedding gift to us 10 years ago. She has been slowing down and is ready to retire from duck hunting with Pops. Holding down the couch and looking out the window all day has become her permanent hobby. So Pops and I had been talking about getting a second dog. In the fall, for our tenth anniversary, I surprised him with the gift of an already trained hunting lab. But she was not the (expensive) dog she was supposed to be and we returned her. Later, on Cragslist I hooked up with people about 4 or 5 different dogs and came down to the wire every time. One time we even had to go interview. But each time, no go.
We heard about Java (Joanie) from a friend of a friend. She was up to date on her shots and free. To be honest, no one knows if she has "hunting lines" in her family. We're crossing our fingers.
We took her to the vet last week. Her forwarded vet records listed her birthdate as 9/29/06. Her birthdate was the day after our 10th wedding anniversary. That same day last September was the first time, since our wedding, that Pops and returned to the chapel we were married in.
I believe Java is meant to be with us. Like I said, she fits in with the rest of us.

Java joins us

Hi. My name is Java(?)
Well, I’ve been here for about 48 hours now. Before, just yesterday even, my name was Joanie. Now The People are calling me “Java”. The place seems okay, there are lots of things to do here. But before I tell you about that, let me tell you more about myself.
I am a gorgeous, silky-rich dark brown. I am a dog, although The People call me a chocolate Labrador. I was born in Oregon. I was the biggest of 12 pups. When I was six weeks old different people took me home and took care of me because my Mom was too tired from having so very many puppies to feed. Then I kept growing, and at only 5 months I was a big girl weighing in at 40 pounds. The people keep saying things like, “Look at those paws!” and “She has long legs!” and “Her parents must be big”. The Oregon People took good care of me, but I think they thought I was too busy, too much work or something like that. The Little People there got tired of playing with me. I sometimes knocked them over when I was excited. They talked about school for dogs and leashes and following commands, but we never did any of those. So, the Oregon people decided I would be better living with a family who had time to work with me. Next thing I know we are in the car and driving for hours from our home in Medford, Oregon to Redding, California. The Oregon lady takes me to a park and The Pops is there looking at me. I gave him a big bark, I was afraid. Turned out he wasn’t too scary. He had treats and knew how to play. We hung out and then he took me and put me in his car! I just met him! The Oregon People drove away! I’m scared. I sat straight up on the seat behind the Pops and watched his every move. After awhile, I let him pet me. We drove, I slept, we took a break, we drove, and I slept. It was almost dark when he stopped the car for the last time.
“We’re home!” The Pops said.
I am still a bit scared and just want to sit next to The Pops. They introduce me to this other dog (Sierra). She looks and acts like my Mom. She is a bit tubby and moves slow. She is also really grumpy and won’t come play with me.
Later we go in the house and there is a cat (Bear)! I’ve never seen one before! I try and chase him, but he won’t run. He keeps slapping me with his paw; mostly he leaves his claws in. Sometimes I slap him back with my paw. Then when he did finally run-he ran straight toward a door and disappeared thru it! The People said something about a “pet door” but I know that guy is just plain magic. Ten minutes later I found a funky looking cat-like animal. Turns out it’s a guinea pig. Every time I bark he jumps straight up. I barked a lot and he jumped a lot. There are Kid People here, too. They seem fun. I just love water and when they took a bath, I climbed in too.
Later at night time, I am not sure how to get outside or where to go potty. That is all a bit confusing. At bed time I jump into bed with The People and curl up on their heads. They don’t seem to think this is a good idea.
I suppose I’ll be alright here, as long as I can always be right with The People. I hope they know that.
They are calling me Java, instead of Joanie. I’m already figuring it out and come when they call.

Teacher Confs and

Today we (Pops and I) had teacher confs for both kids.
Ki is doing great. All "4"'s on a 4 point scale. The teacher also mentioned Smarty Pants Academy ( a local public school that a child has to test into to be able to enter in 3rd grade).
She is warming up to the other kids more and gives them gregarious partings when we leave school, "Bye Mary, see you tomarrow!" She still doesn' t have a close friend really, but I think that will come. I know she will be a good friend when someone gets to know her.
In summary, she is a very bright girl and a kind girl. I am not worried about her. I foresee her to be a kind competent adult who will make her way in this world just fine. She will be good at whatever she chooses to do for work and she will be a good friend, partner and parent.

My ability to really focus on the important things and the larger picture in life is thanks to my experiences as the Mom of AJ. He has given me the gift of perspective, and for that I am grateful.

Home work

I'm doing homework with AJ. This can make me f&*%ing nuts. He is SO distractable and snotty at times. I grind, grind, grind my teeth.

Cussing with the Christians

We were at the pool today. It is Community pool you can join for a fee. It is run by a local conservative Christian church.
I informed AJ he would not be able to go on the diving board-as a chair had been placed acrossit, and there was no life gaurd on. As all things are usually my fault, he started sputtering angry words. Then he swam between the 2 Christian guys and screamed, "God Dammit, Mama."

3 raging tantrum meltdowns in 4 hours

Mom is further agitating kids and then is annoyed by me.

I just keep hearing in my head that Southernwest Airlines commercial line, "Wanna get away?".

When it is a strong feeling it feels more like a flight or fight response. Neither of which is to responsible to act on.

I just want to go eat a mound of good chocolate and a good strong cup of coffee. Like, I'va said before-good thing I don't drink. But it does explain the weight gain.

Burning Down the House

Sunday morning Pops and I took the kids to church and an hour later we were home. I opened the front door and their was a visible smoke layer through out the house and the smell of something burning.
"Mom, are you okay!"
"Yes, Judy, what's wrong?"
"Something is burning!"
I ran to the toaster oven and looked and it was very slightly warm and off. But clearly the culprit. Mom has a habit of broiling (vs toasting) her bread. She thinks it works better that way. There is a timer on the oven, it sometimes sticks. Or you can turn it on and it just stays on. Another piece of this is that as Mom has aged, she has lost her sense of smell.
" Oh, I don't think so. I cleaned the oven. But I don't think I burned anything."
Well I knew she had in that it was morning and all of the above.
"I am pretty sure I didn't cook anything but I'll try to find what it was."
Shortly she showed up with a charred bagel.
"This must be what burned."
She had NO recall of that event and it happened within the last 45 minutes.
"Mom, do you understand why I am worried?"
"Well of course! The house could have burned down."
She gets that.
But she doesn't get how unsafe she is.
Later that day we replaced the dead batteries in the smoke alarms.

Sick

Little kids get bunches of colds. If I told parents to keep their child home every time s/he had a runny nose-I'd never work. I use lots of the no-water hand cleaner and don't worry about it.
Today I was working with one of my regular little guys. He had a strong cough and runny nose and seemed tired.
I walked him out to the car and said to the Nanny,
"He seems kinda sick and I'm pretty sure he has a fever."
"Yeah, I know. We kept the kids home from school today. I packed towels on the drive over here because his (twin) sister was vomiting earlier."
"Oh." I said out loud. Inside was more of a "WTF?"
Feeling good about hugging and cuddling that little guy.

Soul Train

We have cable at our house. Today I walked in and AJ was watching a '70's classic show.
"Mama, I'm watching Soul Train."
"I see that."
"Why are they dancing."
"Well, that's what they do on this show."
"Oh. Where's the train?"

Some Days seem totally 'typical'

This past Sat. I took AJ to his little league practice and then to a birthday party of a classmate. Those events are so typical. Of course he is still quirky and stands out a bit. But it made me happy. He had a nice time.

AJ loses a tooth

I helped him compose this letter to the tooth fairy. He left it under his pillow.

Tooth Fairy,
I got bad news for you. I lost my tooth and it is in my tummy, because I swallowed it. I tried to get it out, but I could not get it out. And my tummy really hurts. I hope I still get money.
From,
AJ

Bla Bla catch up

Well, turns out they did run my picture in the article-with my favorite dog in the world. In fact Double Touble wrote a "press release"and another tiny local paper called and interviewed. Then I told them to call Double Trouble. All of this has turned out to be good internal marketing. Meaning as part of these articles the assistant superintendent, superintendent, and someone from county level SELPA and another local special needs PTA were interviewed. Another reminder for the district that we are out there! I also attended a mtg of PTA board members/presidents from other schools in the district-so they also know we are out there!

I am not sure if AJ hasn't had as many blow ups lately, or I am just in a much better space. I think both. I know I was really depressed there for awhile, day after day. Pops took the kids away for over 24 hours and that was a nice break. Double Trouble and I went to the city. A wild night for both of us homebodies. We each had a massage at a women's Japanese bath house (not a sexual place, but very wacky SF like), had Ethiopian food for dinner and then went to a friend of hers bday party and played poker past midnight. Not a typical night for me! I finally found some pants my big belly (read-FAT-not prego) can fit in. Also enjoying www.zappos.com pick your shoes on line, no tax, free shipping and free shipping to return them. Very cool.

My little clients are such a joy. Such an affectionate, loving lot of little boys. I just love their hugs and when they occasionally pop down in my lap. Some are so excited to see me when they arrive. Okay, so some are really excited to see the dog and the guinea pig when they arrive. However, ranking after my animals isn't too bad. The cuddles and jugs from the 2 year olds are golden. I have 3 chatty 3 and 4 year old boys who have "grown up" and kind of moved themselves out of the little toddler chairs to the larger (kid size) table and chairs. Talking with them is so fun. And they are into more advanced activities. Such as, involved dramatic play and art projects. My dear client Leelo has autism and is 6 now. He has been having these moments of clear loving language that just melts me. Two weeks ago he asked me a number of times during the session, "I love you. Do you love me?" followed by "Let's go see Judy!" and "I wanna hug." He is one snuggly guy. I just love my job. I am blessed and grateful.

I plan to open a clinic in the fall. Ki will be in school more hours of the day then. Ideally, I'd like to bring on 2 other therapists and in a dream world, an OT, also. The concern here is that there is such a shortage of therapists, and finding staff my be hard. Especially since I can't start them out with a full caseload and paycheck. And most especially because I want really good therapists. I don't mind if they are newer to the field, I love mentoring. But it is the therapist who is intelligent, creative, flexible and intuitive that I want to work with. These are the characteristics that make a great therapist, and they are possessed before a degree is ever earned. I can train skills and send them to courses-but I can't train those characteristics. If you are reading and know of a therapist I should pursue, let me know. Or pass my story on.

Aj has a "100 days of school" project due. He is supposed to get 100 of something and find a way to display it and take it to class next week. Kurt and I have been working with him on an idea I came up with/ Aj is interested in (read a bit obsessed) with sports teams, and maps/road names/geography. So Kurt and I sat with him and helped him name pro sports teams and the city they are in. Honestly, I think he came up with 40 or 50 on his own. I typed them into a table format. Yesterday we stopped at AAA and I had him ask for a map of the USA. Today we went and bought stickers that are sports balls. Tomorrow I plan to have him locate the cities (and states) we listed and put a sticker for the corresponding sport (so on San Francisco a baseball for the giants, football for the 49ers etc). I haven't pulled it together in awhile for a good project for him, so I am pleased. Also, b/c Pops is interested in sports so much he has had fun working on this with Aj, too. Tomorrow is the Superbowl. It will be fun to watch with Aj.

For Xmas, Pops gave me tickets for us to go see, "Jersey Boys". We drove up to the city on W night, went out to dinner and then to the show. He got incredible seats, first row loge. And the show was spectacular. Such a treat.

PTA 1st mtg

SPECTAR 1st mtg. went great! People showed up that we had no idea were coming! Mom's from other classes, 2 unexpected district people. People seemed very interested. It was even fun despite having to go over bylaws and election stuff.
Sherrie translated to Spanish for a couple of women. 2 people off the floor joined the board, and we seem to have locked in on babysitters for other events. We all introduced ourselves and briefly described our kids. This was a nice touch to add to the sense of community.
We, the originators, were all excited.
43 members signed up (some of them off site grandparents and fathers etc) we ended up with over $400. in membership fees. Part goes to the district and state PTA-but most stays with us and viola we have a started a small, but actual budget!!!
Mon night I go to a mtg to present spectar to district wide PTA's.
I feel the external support for this group and it imakes me happy!!

article ran

Well not picture despite my new haircut!
I guess the pic of me and my dog was, not so oddly enough, irrelavent to the story!

http://www.examiner.com/a-527838~New_PTA_boosts_district_s_special_ed_programs.html

nice write up. Also, the writer ended up doin g advertising of our group via contacting school vice super and county selpa!

from Jan 22 or 23-justnow posting

Wow. What a day.
I got my hair cut! Woo hoo! Not only has it been months since a haircut. This time it actually has a style. Of course I said I would commit to blow drying, time will tell. Likely “okay” if I don’t blow dry-better if I do and even better if I can ever figure out how the stylist did it!
SF Examiner called yesterday to interview about spectar, the special ed pta I am involved in creating. Then they wanted a picture, and the photographer would come to me. Yikes! I ran out of the house to get my hair cut.
When the photographer arrived he suggested taking my picture with the dog. Kind of ironic b/c he had no idea how much I adore her, or that she is an integral part in my therapy day, etc. He wanted to take my pic with AJ, as he is the child of mine I have identified as having special needs. AJ wasn’t home-but I wouldn’t have done it anyway. And I asked that both of my children be listed so as not to single him out. He is fully included in a regular ed class-I don’t want his pic plastered on some paper as the special needs kid. I have concerns even about putting myself out there; as it not-so-indirectly implies my kids who both can at times “fly under the radar” of looking “typical”.
The first formal mtg of spectar, with “installation” of officers a signing up of charter members, is tomorrow night. I am excited and a bit nervous. But I know it will go great. Even if there are only 15 of us! Hopefully, there will be a fair number of people.
I feel so supported in this endeavor. What was also great about today was that the PTA Pres of my kid’s school called me. (I am also on that PTA board as secretary). She is planning so that next Monday I can attend a mtg of the district various pta/ptos and talk about specter. This is great!
Also got a call from the county provider I contract with and it looks like more clients are headed my way. Yippee!!!
A fabulous day indeed.

Strep throatish

That's how I feel.
You may know the experience.
Waking up in the middle of the night and trying to swallow around that fire-hot ping pong ball in your throat.
And some funky metallic taste that only briefly disappears with the drinking of hot coffee and mint tra.

Escrow Closes

I've been working thru the selling of Mom's condo escrow, termites, house inspectors etc for the last month. It caused me some anxiety, as I have no idea what I am doing. I am so grateful for the realtor we had. She is a friend of my Mom's and just walked me thru everything and really went the extra mile. Including making less than the other realtor on the sale. I trusted her implicitly and it was nice to be able to feel that way. My brother checked in often to see how things were going and said he could fly out here 9from Texas) if he was needed.
So today I got the final message on the machine. Escrow has closed. It is a done deal. I thought I would feel relieved and happy. Instead, I felt a bit sad. It is a marker, another clear chapter closure on that part of her life and my life. I grew up in that town and readily traveled there to stay and visit Mom, Dad and his wife and the few remaining friends there. Mom and her condo were my anchor there. It won't ever be that way again. Some how it just hit me now and I am mourning that chapter closing.

Escrow Closes

I've been workign thru the sellin gof Mom's condo escrow, termites, house inspectors etc for the last month. It caused me some anxiety, as I have no idea what I am doing. I am so grateful for the realtor we had. She is a friend of my Mom's and just walked me thru everything and really went the extra mile. Including making less than the other realtor on the sale. I trusted her implicitly and it was nice to be able to feel that way. My brother checked in often to see how things were going and said he could fly out here 9from Texas) if he was needed.
So today I got the final message on the machine. Escrow has closed. It is a done deal. I thought I would feel releived and happy. Instead, I felt a bit sad. It is a marker, another clear chapter closure on that part of her life and my life. I grew up in that town and readily traveled there to stay and visit Mom, Dad and his wife and the few remainig friends there. Mom and her condo were my anchor there. It won't ever be that way again. Some how it just hit me now and I am mourning that chapter closing.

Ki is Six

Big girl. Makes me a bit sad that she, my baby, is six.
In summary:
wants gifts that are cool
wants a party at Chuck E Cheese
favorite gifts are anything to do with Super Hero's
wants a cake with Spiderman on it
wanted a pet fish-so I surprise her and take her to a fish store and announce, "This is Kianna and it is her birthday and she wants to get a Beta fish." As we leave with our purchase I say, "You have to think of a name for him."
"Jack," she says. "Jack-Jack is his nickname." We are into nick names at our house. Also, Jack or Jack-Jack is the name of the baby superhero in the movie "The Incredibles"
Love that big girl.

Granny's birthday

Mom had her bday, 81 years old. We went out for lunch with Signora Blog and her visiting Mom. It was nice. I don't see aside time for just Mom and I. So often I feel like I need a break from her and the kids that I don't set aside that time. She had a nice time and I am glad. Escrow on her condo closes tomarrow. Thank God we had a real estate agent who is a friend of hers. It is all so new to me. After the MD apt with pulmonologist (and good news I am counting on) in a couple weeks we'll move forward with looking into having her move into the assisted living place. So much to do. forms, forms, appointments, medical charts, a ya ya ya to do.

Aaaahhh

Before Xmas a few of us hot mama's got together for an evening of chocolate, tea and confessions of our lives as mothers. I basked in the warmth of comfort of those who get it.

Notes on being santa

I carefully wrapped all the gifts for the kids. Each had their own type of paper. (I was quite proud of myself for making sure that the same paaper did not appear on the gifts that were not from Santa.) We put them out after the kids had gone to bed and in the morning said the gifts and the stockings full of gifts were from Santa. After these heaps of gifts had been had been opened, we all paused. I then suggested we open the gifts under the tree that Pops, Granny and I had gotten for each other. At first Ki was bored, and then seemed irritated. Finally, she exploded with her frustration,
"How come you didn't give me any presents, only Santa did!"
Ooop.

Rub-a-dub-dub, Three in the tub

AJ, Ki and I have been all taking a bath together for some time now. It is a sweet time to chat, play and catch up on everyone’s day. (I realize it is not for the body conscious family, but it has worked for us). I can vouch that we are saving an amazing amount of water with this “family bath” format. But unfortunately, the kids are getting bigger, and alas, so am I. Despite the roomy oval shaped tub, it is now a tight fit. We align ourselves in the head-to-tail arrangement found in a can of sardines. Just prior to the end of the bath we rearrange sitting up in a straight line and do our mock toboggan sled race. In addition to getting larger, they are also getting older, and, sadly, I wonder if it is time to pull the plug on this family plan.
For awhile it was confusing as to who needed to wash their vagina and who needed to wash their penis. AJ kept declaring he had a vagina. Something I hoped he wouldn’t go public with. Vagina envy is not as widely accepted as the alternative.
Pubic hair has proved to be of only occasional mild interest, as are my breasts-which seem to be old news. However, the fun of rolling & pushing around my fat belly and placing small items in the pond formed by my belly button has provided endless fun.
I thought we had all the body parts appropriately named and understood. But a recent trio bath proved otherwise. I was having my period and forgot about this prior to entering the tub. Suddenly, AJ declared, “Mama, why do you have a string coming out of your penis?”. Wow, where to begin to answer. Perhaps it is not yet time to end the family scrub sessions.

A.J. on vacationing

Mommy, can we go the Tiger Woods?

When people ask, "How are you?"

It's a common question.
Lately, I have to pause before I respond and say to myself, "Do they really want to know the answer to that question?". Because, if the anwer is truly "yes", then pull up a seat baby and sit on down. This is gonna take awhile.

...work...good...enjoy it...have some openings I need to fill

...AJ...I am worried...continued escalating behaviors...hitting, me and others...hit 2 kids at school...threatening language..rage...throwing things...slamming doors...is he in the process losing all self esteem...scares Ki...need to pursue a complete eval of this for him...scares me...makes me sad...in the heeated moments sucks my energy and fuels my rage

...Ki...so bright and imaginative...but socially fragile...still no real friends...often wines and cries and makes me crazed with this behavior...coupled with the above behavior from AJ...but truly-such a joy

...in concert with the dementia of Granny (living with us) who can ask the same question 4 or 5 times in a half hour....realizing it is the repetition of the repetition that makes me nuts...she often sets of the kids (who can be easy to set off) and she is no longer able to process or reason fully the signals to prevent this... an evening, let alone a full day with the 3 of them can leave me shaking with agitation...her condo is in escrow...all new to me...phone calls, faxes bla bla...need to get and meet with financial planner and lawyer...chest CT scan confirmed COPD (emphesyma, due to 20+ years of heavy smoking)...also a suspicious nodule in the lung...too small to know for sure what it is...too small to really evaluate further...could be cancer...a second opinion tomarrow at the "chest Clinic"...she can't remember the date, she shouldn't have to remember this...

my kitchen is a mess...living room is a mess...office is a mess...bedroom is a mess...I think it is a reflection of my mental status...scattered, uncomfortable, confused...

Where is the pause button on this life?

I am Special

SEPTAR
The name for the new special Ed PTA we formed. Special Education Parent Teacher Association of Realcity.
This is made up of a group of women-who-do-too-much. You know: the ones who always volunteer, the ones who also work, most everyone has at least 2 kids, many of us with 2 or more kids receiving services and/or other kids who are “sensitive souls”. Our husbands are the ones who called out after us as we ran out the door for the planning meeting, “Do Not take on another thing!” But we did anyway. But I think the payback will be good. We want to have scheduled times for support for us as mothers and parents. We want to better educate the staff, at all levels, who work with our kids. We want special Ed staff in this district to feel supported. These ideas and aspirations directly serve us and our kids.

I am honored, motivated, scared, touched and overwhelmed at being directed toward the position of "President" for this group. Good leaders have good backers and this is a group to be reckoned with.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas tree

Last night we watched the move Polar Express with Pops, Granny and the kids. I love that movie. It visually captures the magical essence of Santa and Christmas.
Today Pops, the kids and doggie went and chopped down the Christmas tree. I had convinced myslef it would be a mudbath in a down pour-not so. So a nice surprise. Ki is constantly singing Xmas songs. She is happy to sing outloud to her holiday self and is completely unaware that the rest of the shoppers in the store are within earshot. Such sweet, happy moments with this lack of concern for others opinions and the joy of singing just for singings sake.
I love this age where they are so into Santa and the magic of Christmas.

Those "special" friendships

The one problem with having girlfriends whose kid(s) also have special needs is that when you are really having a shitty time, you can pretty much guarantee they are too. We take solace in the fact that our shitty times are different from house to house. And of course worse or better at varying times. How nice it is to have relationships where you can share the insanity and look for support, but not be playing one upsmanship (sp??). And our families, they come up with some wild stuff.

Note to self

Remember NOT to ask your child to go get pajamas and start a bath and then 5 min later ask her if she wants to play a video game... lots of water in the bathroom.

You're Invited!

I kinda resent when I get an evite addressed to me and then when I open it, it is for one of those home based businesses someone is doing now.They didn't invite me over ever before...

Thanksgiving

well it s now long past Thanksgiving. Butan update. Last year, and prior to that, I have been frenetic the day of running around cooking .lunch, dinner, setting the table. I ahve became the cooking matriarch of this unusal bunch of family that joins together just a few times a year. The cast:
Aunt M: coming in at the oldest 96, I think, and still living alone (She goes to church everyday, never married or had kids...makes ya wonder). Sharp as a tac, but wobbly and hearing impaired.
E and E: married: some cousin twice removed or something, ages approx 82 and 72. He just had a knee replaced and took a tumble down the front porch after dinner, seemed fine.
My Mom: nearly 81. Spry, but memory challanged.
The General: Pop's Dad. The guy who takes being called The General a compliment, and he is not in the military- age 70.
Cousin L: also twice removed or something. Age 60. Fun to be with.
Cousin C: aged 67 or so. Her Mom married somebodies Dad or brother somewhere along the way.
Uncle J: Pops brother, coming in as the youngest adult at 37. Never married, pathologically shy.
My kids ages 5 and newly, 8.
Me and Pops.
Some of them have kids, but do not see them at holidays, if at all. Others never married. It really is a bit like a sit com.
So this is why a the age of 43 I have become the holiday matriarch. I am the only female with house large enough etc etc. APops house is huge as all get out. for some unknown reason. But it is better to have the kids here and to be in a decorated house and cook with my own stuff.
so this year I was smarter and i did lots the night before. said no more to cooking lunch AND dinner. Put out appetizers to snack on all day that didn't require cooking. And frankly, this crowd are not fancy eaters. So dinner was not wacky fancy. we ate: brined turkey, real mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, stuffing with cranberreis and walnuts, fresh and canned cranberry sauce. Ki made pumpkin pie with Pops and AJ and made and apple crisp. Others brought drinks, bread and salad. It was a good meal and I didn't feel psycho!
So

SPED PTA

Working to get Special Ed PTA started. Thank goodness for friends who take the bull by the horns and push to rally get it up and going. My procrasinating style and busy life are not a good match for working on things when I don't have a deadline. We are meeting tomarrow for 2 hours! We are a group of women with good ideas, a variety of incredible skills & strengths and balls of steel. The thing that feels so good is that this not going to be a passing idea or comittment. These are women who are out to make a difference. We join together to make a difference for our kids, each others kids and all kids in this district.

Today

Spent the afternoon with AJ. Pops had a client give him 2 tickets to the StaFford game at 12:30 today. AJ and I had a nice time. We drove to Paly and parked and walked in. AJ ate a hotdog, soda, frozen lemonade and dots ice cream. Tickets were free-food was of course, an investment. We lasted until after halftime and then we walked around the stadium and toward the car. I had such a nice time with my boy. He loves sports and appropriately called out, "It's a touchback!" at one point. I feel happy that he has such an interest in sports and follows the games of baseball and football well enough to watch and enjoy. They are such socially acceptable hobbies. He said his favorite part of the game was watching Stafford score a touchdown.

Sensory Integration Dysfunction and Football

Tonight we were all watching football at our house. AJ (MY SON AKA AS A., WHICH I AM FINDING IS ANnOYING TO TYPE SO HENCE FORTH TO BE KNOWN AS AJ).
Anyway, AJ kept saying, "I wanna play football." I kept cringing at the thought and avoided commenting in return. My husband said, "Well we can always go outside and play."
Just then there was a play in the game where one of the offensive players was hit hard by a guy who came out of nowhere and slammed him up into the air and straight into the ground. Aha I thought! I can use this as a "teaching moment."
"AJ watch the replay. See what happened to him? Doesn't that look like it hurt? Would you want to have that happen?"
AJ, "YEAH!"
What was I thinking? I have a kid who has sensory integration disorder and is a sensory seeker. I drink coffee in the morning. He enjoys running into and bouncing off walls as a good start to his day. In his eyes, football must look like Heaven's idea of exercise.

If you've ever wanted to crawl in the closet with an oreo

"If you've ever wanted to crawl in the closet with an oreo...Tips for parenting a child with special needs"

A book I just bought. Gotta love that title.

Oooo Baby!

I went to my kids Halloween Parade at school. My sons seemingly quite gay Inclusion Specialist came dressed in drag. It was hillarious. Huge platform white boots. An all black and white outfit with fake fur coat and sequined top. Topped off by a long blonde wig. He was tremendous. I'l try to post pic. Only in the Bay Area does your kids Inclusion Specialist show up in drag.

I think

I think the part of it that is such a pisser is that it seems endless at times.

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Lately I feel perpetually quite irritated. The kids fight and push and kick. Pretty much every day A. has a behavioral blow out. Everyday. No, it is not okay to yell "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT" to your mother. Especially not on a regular basis. If he is not doing that he is amking loud screamy funky sounds that peirce my ears and make me nuts. His attention is so bad I have to tell himn to do things multiple times.
I am amazed at how poor Mom's memory is. She can ask the same question 5 min later and, upon hearing the same anwer, have no recall that this is a repeat experience. I've given up conversing with her. There can be no assumed history in the conversation, no prior understanding or experience. She can't really consistently ask questions and follow up on something I bring up. There is like a cummulative effect. If we weren't together 24/7 it wouldn't bug me so much. But b/c we are, it makes me acidic.
Pops is irritated with me b/c the house is a mess and out of control. Which is true. Part of me would rather escape and work all day to get away from kids and Mom and the messy house.
There are many things I don't like about my life right now. And I feel like an ungrateful bitch for writing that. I have 3 bedroom house, housecleaners (who work around the piles of crap), my Mom who does laundry and dishes, a great job, great pets, some great friends. But some days and weeks all I want to do is either sleep, eat or drink coffee-one of my 3 addictions. I just get fatter and feel so ugly. Then I think I just need to get a fucking grip here. Many people, including many of my friends, have it harder then me. piss piss piss

PJ Dunes

I am at PJ Dunes-at a condo at the beach. A lovely 3 bedroom, window filled place owned by a friend of mine.
I drove down yesterday late afternoon with the kids and Grandma (my Mom, one and the same). We arrived, unloaded the car and headed down to the beach. A. raced around the beach doing wind sprints. His activity was reminiscent of a kenneled puppy released to play in a field. It goes without saying that even The similarity between he a puppy continued as he soaked himself in the low surf and rolled in the sand. Ki enjoyed playing in a huge hole surrounded by sand turets. Her castle. She assigned me and Grandma the roles of Knights and Alex as the bad Dragon. She said she would be in the castle "doing her paperwork". I asked who she was. "I'm the King." I should've known there would be no damsel in distress here.

When was the last time the real estate market tanked?

Per the news- 1990. Oh joy, it is again tanking now that we are trying to sell Mom's condo. At the moment it seems fitting.

A good day as a therapist

None of my clients, all 2 years old, busted out the "Bye Bye" Song before the end of the session.