BREATHE DEEP

CHECK...check check check 123 checking

2011-05-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in forever. Writing seems like more of an option when I am away. Which NEVER happens. But, alas, I am away from home. I am even ALONE.
I am in Portland OR for an amazing feeding course. 4 day course. I flew Th am and drove to course, course TH F S S and fly home Sun night.
I have become pretty saavy at using my GPS on my iphone to find things. Urban spoon a great app to locate restaurants. I found a wonderful Berkeley-esque cafe just a few blocks from the hospital. Cafe sports mismatched furniture, Buddhist prayer flags and soulful music. I am in heaven. This part of Portland with well-loved Victorian homes, quirky businesses and bright minds.
Today's lunch: the Planet sandwich-avocado, hummus, tomato, grated carrot, cucumber on seeded whole grain. I'll be having a cappacinno (sp) chaser. No worries, I haven't gone over the edge healthy. This is balance out last nights fish and chips grease fest.
Last nights entertainment was mall shopping and seeing the movie Bridesmaides. SO funny, a must see. Tonight might be Water for Elephants.
I've shelved all my real life obligations and they will greet me with a slap in the face Monday morning.
A nice break I am having.

Puberty Note from the school speech therapist

2010-10-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

On another note, I wanted to let you know what AJ asked me today. I had told him I went to the Giants game last night and we talked a little about it. At the end of the speech session, AJ said, can we pretend we are at the game and I am Steve (therapists husband)? Then, something good happens and you hug me? I said, “What?, where did that come from?” He said, “I don’t know it just popped into my head” I kind of laughed it off and he turned a little red and I sent him to class as I normally do. I think it is obviously “puberty” has arrived....

Letter to the school -both sent on the same day

2010-09-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

I have just finished signing and putting in Ajs backpack that we received his progress report.

I did not share it with him.

My dear boy, my husband and I work hours everyday and on the weekend on homework.

He shouldn't have mostly D's and F's as final grades.

I brought this up at the iep and ended up with this horrid progress report and no contact or call from anyone on his team.

I believe he can be successful with modification of some of the work and a lot of communication from the teachers and aide.

We are devoted to him and making this work, but we need some help from his team at school.

Please let me know your ideas and I will do the same.

life is fatiguing me lately...

Letter to the soccer team parents

2010-09-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Parents of the Red Ragers,

Last week my husband attended the team parent meeting. He was confronted in front of the group by a couple of parents about our son, AJ. My husband was not at the game he was asked about. I was there and was organizing the team snacks when Aj evidently hit or pushed a child on the other team after being taunted. I was never aware nor told that this had occurred. Our message to Aj was, and continues to be, that this type of behavior is never acceptable.

At the beginning of the season I told the coach (as I do every coach, camp counselor etc.) that Aj has learning and attention deficits and sometimes has difficulty controlling his emotions when in competitive situations. I asked him to let us know if he needed assistance, had questions etc. My husband has since had the same discussion with him. If a parent had asked me about Aj, or sat and chatted with me- I would have likely had a similar conversation. We are not hiding anything, and yet we don’t need to put him on public display for every parent on every team to examine and judge. At the end of every season or school year I always write notes thanking the coaches/teachers who have embraced and supported Aj. It does take a village to raise a child and I am so grateful to those who commit to ALL children in our community.

Aj is a joy in our lives. That having been said, parenting a child like Aj can be a rocky and emotional road. I imagine he travels a similar road. My message to you as parents sharing this community is that families like ours desire and hope for acceptance, support and friendship. Those of you have offered this to mine and other families-I am so grateful. Those of you who gave a cold shoulder, commented that you are “tired of putting up with” my child and sought to shame us in a group forum are not “fixing” any one in my family. In the future I recommend calling upon your grace, integrity and compassion when addressing other families.

Old Mother Hubard

2010-08-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sad news for our family. The family we all play with is moving out of state. Each of us has a playmate in that family-so this is heartbreaking news. Currently the Mom and Dad K. and Baby J. are looking for houses in AL. I am here this week with my 2 and their other
3 kids. The five kids are ages: 11, 11, 9, 8 and 5. Funny thing is you'd be hard pressed to identify which are mine. They all look like siblings and I look like a woman confused about how birth control works.
The K. kids are delightful children. Really, having 5 kids is not so bad at all! The nutty part is due to shear volume of keeping track of who has bathed etc. The K. family make it easy. For example:
I ask all 5 to sit and do some reading. AND THEY DO! My kids compliance goes up when they are here. Also, these kids are grateful beings. They may ask for an extra cookie etc-because they are kids-but they do not expect it. They do not demand it and they do not whine. Now I know their parents will say this is not always the case. It isn't with any kid. They get up in the morning and they get dressed with out being asked, and asked and asked.
I LOVE THESE KIDS. I will miss them dearly. My son will miss his only friend. My daughter will miss a good friend and Pops and I will miss dear grown-up friends.
Hats off to Mom and Dad K. They have excelled at being good parents and raising thoughtful, curious, grateful and loving children.
I am off work this week and it is supposed to be a week of play. Monday we went mini-golfing, yesterday was the movies- Cats vs Dogs the Revenge of Kitty Galore. More tomorrow.

Check it out

2010-05-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

http://jphoto.smugmug.com/photos/841113891_iDLVb-M.jpg

One of my favorite photos taken by Julie Nelson. She is an OT, Mom and fabulous photographer.

check out her work at:

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have had wonderful morning the Mother's Day!
Pops and Al went shopping early this am while Ki stayed and cuddled on and off with me while I snoozed.
I was later awakened by my kiddos with a plate filled with a homemade breakfast mcmuffin (english muffin, egg, ham and cheese), cinnamon roll and strawberry. I got my coffee and read my paper in bed. My brown dogs joined me on and off and cleaned any food items that strayed from the plate.
Aj got 2 bouquets of flowers at eh store-one for me and one for Granny. He awoke her by bounding into her bed with a top volume, off-key song about Mother's Day. The fact that she is still with us after awakening clarifies the fortitude of her physical make up.
Ki presented me with a mug that she colored herself that contains sprouting cosmo seeds. Her decorated card reads:
terrific, hugger, pretty, smart, amazing, love.
She is so open about her feelings, "I love you so, so, so very much Mama." She is my sweet pea.

Aj gave me a letter he wrote at school. It reads:

Alex K 5/17/10
Here are some reasons why I love my Mom
1. She cheers on me when I get a hit, a basket, or a goal. Shes the loudest cheerer in the fans. She is very loud.
2. She helps me on my homework. Even though if it was 9:30 at night, my mom can still help me with my homework. She wants to get my homework done.
3. She gives me lots of hugs and kisses. When I've done something, a really hard thing, she gets so happy she cries. It is so cute.

I love you every minute of my life.

Love,
Alex Koeppen
xoxoxoox

Spring break and beyond

2010-04-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

A week before Spring break I found out that my Dad was on oxygen full time, living alone and could no longer drive (you know-like to the store for groceries) and was moving to Seattle and selling the house I grew up in. His wife's family is so wonderful and are helping Dad and his wife every step of the way. BUt I wanted and needed to help, too. Ki and I flew down the Fri before Easter, rented a car and drove to Dad's house in Rancho Bernardo. Rental car was a KIA that was shaped like an egg and light blue. I yelled to Ki "Pedal harder!" as we entered the freeway. This gutless wonder was however timely from a seasonal sense as it resembled an Easter egg. We ended up staying in a hotel-which was fun. I helped Dad and Ki got to spend some time with him. I also got to meet Dad's wife's grand daughter who is just the coolest gal. Kids loved her too.
AJ and Pops drove down to SAn Diego and met us. After being with my Dad-we headed off for visits to Sea World (still my favorite) and Lego Land.

Last Spring Break

2010-04-04T09:13:00.001-07:00

Last Sptring break we had a stay-ca-tion in San Francisco. We stayed 3 nights.
We took kids to the Zeum. They recorded their first music video.
Props, music and words provided by Zeum. My kids had never heard this song before-so AJ is reading lyrics. This is funniest at the end. Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UU9iyqSjeI

Books

2010-04-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

A friend told me about a good book called
Little Bee by Chris Cleave.
I just bought we will see.

Ki is reading:
Bone #6: Old Man's Cave (a comic book of sorts)
How to Train Your Dragon which was recently made into a movie (movie looks good)

Twas the Night Before Easter

2010-04-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ki and I are here in a hotel in Rancho Bernardo (San Diego).
Ki asked Pops to leave a note for the Easter Bunny explaining that she was not in Redwood City-but rather in Rancho Bernardo.
We are both wondering if and how the Easter Bunny will leave a basket and/or eggs in a small hotel room...But I have faith he is a creative fellow.

Easter Eggs

2010-03-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

I just paid for plastic Easter eggs that are already filled with candy. The best indulgent buy ever.
I guess it is also good for my figure-as I can't eat and stuff eggs or be "stuck with leftovers".

Whispering Mommy behind the stage

2010-03-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Sunday rehearsal 9 to 12 am

Both kids stayed home sick. I have little voice. A problem for a stage manager and speech therapist.

I've learned how to put tape on the stage so we know where to put the bases of the sets. Our young tribe of Merry Men are still trying to figure out which way to exit the stage. Wholly, they are a very inattentive lot. The back stage crew of 7th and 8th graders are all armed with high-end phones and spend time playing on them. I let them today as the pace was painfully slow at times-I told them tomorrow no more phones. They might get distracted- and I don't want to look bad next to an 8th grader.

I came home pooped and seemingly still sick a bit myself. Now at 6 pm Aj has a temp of 101 (day 4) and Ki a temp of 102 and she just vomited. Pops and Granny not feeling so great either.
This is going to be a tough week. Play rehearsal/shows are M to Sat 530 pm to 930 pm and Sat afternoon.

Mommy behind the stage

2010-03-13T23:35:00.000-08:00

Ah, it is time for the school play again. Last year it was the play Aladdin and my adventures were in the green room. Aj played the "neighbor" and Ki was a merchant selling nuts. One of her lines being "Someone stole my nuts!". Do note the irony in that line.
This year the play is a comedy version of Robin Hood. Aj is Little John and Ki is one of the merry men. Aj is one of the main 8 characters and has quite a few lines! I am so proud because he was chosen over other "typical" boys. Ki is of course thrilled to be playing a guy.
Aj has one scene in which he is supposed to pick his nose. It is helpful to know that in the past the picking of nose has been so chronic it was discussed in IEP's (note plural s). This boy has been rehearsing for this part for YEARS. So imagine my startle when Aj told me he was nervous about everyone seeing him pick his nose on stage-even if he was faking it.

This year I am behind the stage as one of the stage managers. My adventures will be noted from that venue. Well, so I was also put on the costume committee. Those who know me well just burst into hysterical laughter upon reading that assignment. That would be because my idea of dealing with a shirt missing a button or pants that need hemming is to not wear either of them. Clearly, I was not a lot of help there.
Today (Saturday) was the casts first day at the theater (10 to 5). I am getting over a flu bug and have a very marginal voice. Aj has had headache, sore throat and fever for the last 3 days-so he stayed home.
The sets are tremendous, just amazing. The music will be, too.
The cast is HUGE. Over 40 I think. Lots to keep track of.
Robin Hood and Maid Marian were told they will not have to kiss in the show. A relief to all children as the thought of touching someone of the opposite sex is horrifying. But I think when Maid Marian is an adult she will regret not being able to say she kissed Robin Hood.
Today we practiced with sets and music/light cues. I came home with a throat ache and head ache and crashed. Back on Sunday am 9 to 12.
Sandy is coming to see the play-kids are thrilled. Grandpa, Uncle Jim and Aunt Mary will come Sat for the matinee. Pops, Granny and I will watch final performance on Sat night.

Aj Online

2010-03-11T13:06:00.000-08:00

I had Aj stay home from school today as he was complaining of the same symptoms I have had. Headache and sore throat.

I had about 2 hours of clients so I left him here with Granny. He wanted my Apple (computer) and I said fine and left it with him.

Later at home again I sat down to check my email.

A million windows were open-the Disneyy Channel, Wikipedia and Askk.com.

One of the ASK search boxes read: can i see a belly button from women

Followed by: can i see a belly button from pregnant women

Next read: can I listen to beat it

Followed by: can I listen to beat it with music

My notes and observations:

My boy can independently search on the internet!

He can even refine his search!

He is not a boob guy, leg guy or breast guy. Aj has always been a belly button guy.

He still darts up to mannequins and lifts their shirts to examine the authenticity of their belly

buttons.

Aj's teacher had her last day of work last week and is due to have her first baby next week.

This has been exciting and intriguing for Alex. Especially since he loves babies. Yesterday
Aj, Granny and I went to a second appointment with Granny's full-term pregnant MD. On the
first visit he whispered to me, "Does the doctor have a baby in her tummy?". This visit I saw
him starring at her belly in a mesmerized fashion. She was sporting a VERY outy-pregnant-
lady belly button. When she stepped out I asked Aj if he saw her belly button.

"Yah!". I explained that belly buttons get very stretched by pregnant bellies and either stick out or sometimes kinda disappear like mine did when I was pregnant.

With disbelief and concern he blurted, "Yours is gone!". I verbally assured him it was no
longer gone and visually assured him by flashing my belly. The MD returned to give her
parting recommendations. Aj telescoped his eyes on her belly button. Ever so slowly,
he kneeled-his eyes now level with protruding jewel.

It happened quickly, the MD never noticed. But clearly - Aj had noticed the jewel and it is still on his mind.

Letter to a fellow mommy

2010-02-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

I wrote this letter to a woman who is a friend-but not a close friend. Last fall her son completely unexpectedly died in the middle of the night. It was tragic. It hit home even more so in that our sons were the same age and carried the same diagnosis. I went to the funeral along with hundreds of others. I sobbed. But I held off on contacting her until now. Today it seemed right. I remember when my 20-something year old friend lost her Mom. I learned from her that the pain goes on long after the funeral and all of the follow-up calls and meals have occurred. As I was feeling over-whelmed by all the to-dos, forgot-to-dos, wish-I-hads this was very cathartic. People, family, friends, love. That is what matters. I refer to her son as "Elvis" in copy of the letter. Thanks Elvis-you helped me today.

Hi-

You pop onto my mind fairly frequently and I thought I'd write. I can only imagine that decades and yet only seconds have gone by since you lost your guy.

And I know all the very many people who love your family were probably most present initially. So here I am now.

Every so often I see a boy that looks like Elvis and it catches my breath. Then I think how that must happen to you constantly.

He was a model for me when I have talked to Aj that he has autism/PDD (what the fuckk ever). Initially I couldn't use the word "autism" because to him that was how I had talked about my friend's kids who had difficulties and that was why-for example our little buddies who are non-verbal or with limited language.

He was then put off that something that described them could describe him. So I told him, "Well-you know who else has autism? Elvis does".

So thanks to Elvis for being such a lovely model. Aj then referred to him as, "My friend Elvis who has a-little-bit-of-autism."

We lost our dear 13 year old lab last June. Aj asked me once if I thought Elvis was playing with Sierra in heaven. I told I thought yes he was.That I think Elvis really liked dogs and now Sierra has someone to play fetch with.

So I cried when I wrote this. And I delayed writing it because I thought it would make you cry, too. But I decided you probably already cry.

And I wanted you to know that there is still a lot of love out there for you and Elvis and your family.

be well

Nice research findings

2010-02-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I found a research study summary in my professional journal that brought a smile to my face (see link below). Basically a longitudinal study of kids from age 5 to 25. Participants included kids with language delays/disorders, kids with speech (articulation disorders) and typical kids. The majority of the kids with language difficulties persisted with lower language, cognitive and occupational skills then typical peers at age 25. I am not surprised by that. What made me happy is the news that the individuals rated their quality of life to be just as good as the typical group. There was of course a strong correlation with family support.

Long ago I decided that my goal for Aj was for him to be happy. Not Harvard, Stanford or maybe even any college graduate-but happiness. My hope is that he will grow up to be a happy individual who can contribute to society. I am confident this will be the case.

http://ajslp.asha.org/cgi/content/abstract/19/1/51?etoc

The "Which reminds me" Cycle

2010-02-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

Granny needs her hair done
She needs that sore on her leg looked at
She needs to go to the bank
I need to go to attorney for medical power of attorney and all that stuff

Which reminds of aj
the incomplete iep
the difficult behaviors
the lack of friends
the therapy he should be having
the dentist he should have seen
the unschedule eye exam

Which reminds me of Ki
my sweet girl who daily wanders alone on the playground
who is uncomfortable in her beautiful skin
who is sensitive and searching

Which reminds me of my business
the ways i am not contributing to its success

Which reminds me of my husband
my sweet partner
who is truly a partner
he contributes to caring for kids, cooking, cleaning, playing ball, driving to appointments...
I went out with him once last year
I kept my end of the bargain sometime then too

Which may remind me of me
the friendships that I have left unwatered
the mess i live in
the unscheduled doctor, dentist, eye appointments

This ugly cycle
Every so often it grabs me
pulls my breath and sucks at my soul

Then I stabilize
not totally- because all of that is always there
But it isn't always so big
And I can breathe
And my soul sort of settles
Soon it won't all feel so big
That is how it goes

The Visitor

2010-02-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

Today we talked, Granny and I.
I told her he was coming to visit.
He'd be here for dinner.
What time she asked.
Then she asked again.
She said she didn't know he was coming.
I snapped at her. I told her- I told you, I'm sorry you don't remember.

I snap at her often, daily, many times daily.
I feel angry at me, fatigued, guilty.

He comes, we have dinner.
We talk, he shares stories from the past.
Toward evenings end Granny nods and agrees when conversation warrants.
I sense her comments driven by obligation, not understanding.

We plan for lunch tomorrow.
The three of us.
He'll pick you up, we'll meet at my office.

Goodnight we say. So nice to see you.
Close the door, prepare for bed.

Judy, you say.
Judy, who was that young man that was here?

Mom, it was Richard.
Don't you remember?
He is your son.

The Climb

2010-02-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

It's big,
like Half Dome.

Standing at the base
I see only granite,
no sky.
Feel still air,
no breeze.

Climb, climb.
Shed the shade,
seek the sun.
I carry no ropes,
see no hand holds.

Show me the path.
The one round the back.
Ascend the cables.

Breathe deep the summit air-
chilling, yet relieving.

Dear Santa

2009-12-22T13:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,
How are you doing? Are you ready to go on your big trip in 3 days? (or less) Anyway here is my list of presents. 1. legos any size you want 2. Comics. Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, and Bone (not 1-3.) 3. Movies. Scooby-Doo, Tom and Jerry, and AFV 4. Toys! 5. Action figires! I've been as nice as I could! A good kid,
Ki (Super K)

written by Ki today in neon green gel pen on school lined paper
word(s) in bold are underlined by her as directed by her teacher to do when you are unsure of the spelling and try to sound it out and use "kid spelling"

Christmas

2009-12-19T23:32:00.000-08:00

I am pretty much done with shopping for Xmas. That is good for me as today is the 19th. I often still have lots to do. Today we finally decorated the tree and inside of the house. I am so pleased to find I have a holiday decorating ally in Ki. She demanded we all be in the living room at the same time to decorate the tree as this was ''The family tradition". So it looks like in the future I will have a partner in the annual decorating event.

Today I made:
Christmas Bark (white chocolate, dried cranberries and pistachios)
Chocolate peanut bark (ingredients same as the name)
Pine Bark -Now this is a new one. I found the recipe on Internet. Not sure why it is called Pine Bark as no pine trees were harmed in the making of this bark, it does not smell of pine nor does it look like pine. But it taste great.
Tomorrow I'll make up a ton of Chex mix. The regular ol' recipe in all of its salty, buttery goodness. Lot's of food gifts this year.

Aj 11th bday gift

2009-12-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

Aj had his 11th bday and he kept asking for a Sharks (local professional hockey team) jersey and tickets to a game. He and I went to a game last week. We had good seats. We took CAL train from Redwood City. Pops met the train in Palo Alto and Ki popped off there so they could go out to dinner and then go home for an evening of Wii playing, just the two of them.
Aj and I ate our way around HP Pavilion (named after Hewlet Packard). Aj ate a cheeseburger, fries, soda, churro and popcorn. We cheered and danced and clapped at all the appropriate times, and then some more. Sharks played the Dallas Stars. The game ended in a 2-2 tie, then want into over-time and then into a shoot out. Very exciting for AJ's first game. Then home on the train. A GOOD birthday gift!

Birthday Present

2009-12-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

Pops had my blog printed into a book as my gift. It is big. About 9 X 11 and 1 1/2 inches thick. I started blogging 3 or 4 years ago after I was introduced to it by squid. I don't know if I wanted everything in it so available to read. But it will be nice for my family in the future. I am curious if I will curb my content when considering if I/he will print in the future. But all in all a very thoughtful gift.

November

2009-12-15T08:41:00.000-08:00

All of use coughing and hacking, all but Pops. Granny kids and I all took antibiotics-no help. I have had bronchitis now for over 6 weeks. My 46th b-day was the day before Thanksgiving. I planned to have a drop in brunch at my work to celebrate and to have an excuse to get together with friends. Turns out I got what I am sure was H1n1 flu the weekend prior. No birthday brunch for me. I spent the day in bed. To sick and contagious to be cooking for 13 for Thanksgiving, so we cancelled and left a bunch of elderly relatives high and dry. Pops took kids over to visit his Dad and brother and they all went and visited Aunt Mary-now 99 years old and quite sharp I might add. I rolled out of bed late. Later I went to jennyalice's house fed her dog and slept on her couch for a couple of hours. She had kindly left homemade pumpkin pie and stuffing for me. Back home I watched a movie from the couch and pulled together a simple Thanksgiving dinner. An odd holiday time, but okay too.

MIA

2009-11-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting much lately.
I've been courting waves of illness causing me to miss tons of work and social events. Aj has had bad cough for 5 weeks, Ki for 3 and me for over a month. I've been to MD twice and have gotten cough syrup with codeine, 2 different inhaler and finally antibiotics. 2 days into a 3 day course of antibiotics, not sure they are helping. Supposedly bronchitis, but not pneumonia. My head and neck were aching when I woke up. A little too reminiscent of my prior meningitis bouts for my comfort. Spent the day sleeping on the couch.
Kids are now on same antibiotics as I am. Zythromax (SP?). As is Granny who is sporting a pneumonia. Interesting that we are all on different dose amount and frequency. I am on stronger 3 day and they are on weaker 6 day course.
Not looking forward to the 13 here for Thanksgiving dinner...
So there is my WAAA filled entry and very weak update.

My Daughter might be in your son's pants

2009-11-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

Ki is enjoying all of the older boys hand me down pants. She can be spotted about town in pants formerly belonging to Zach, Tom, Myles or Jack. I think she still even has a pair of of really cool shorts formerly worn by Leelo.

Pops out of town for a week

2009-10-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

That means the sleeping arrangements change.
Kids alternating between sleeping with me or sleeping on the family room couch.
Sleeping has been exciting this week. Generally the bed has been occupied by me, one kid, Tess, Annie, Java and Bear. Every so often I roll over and inadvertently eject some poor sleeping creature.

Water, water everywhere

2009-10-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Our front yard late this afternoon

If you're gonna come by-don't forget your row boat

And watch out for the puppy

The Letter Home

2009-10-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

Aj wrote a ltter to me when he was at outdoor ed camp for 4 days. I got it today. It reads as follows:

Dear Mom,
I like Outdoor Ed!!
I love going to Ocean Oydessey.
Do you know who got elimited (eliminated) on Dancing with the Stars?

Love,
Aj.

My Baby is Back

2009-10-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

My beautiful boy is back. Aj was at 5th grade outdoor education for the last week. I dropped him off at school at 8 am on Monday and picked him up today, Friday, at 1 pm.
He went without an aide. Which is good. I send him to sports day camps and there is no additional staffing. I was most concerned about him following through to get dressed in the morning when he woke up full of energy and without ADHD medications. They did increase the the high school staff in his cabin from 1 to 2 high-achieving teen girls. As well, the staff was altered that Aj may need assistance.
I'm not sure who had more of an "experience" the 14 boys in the cabin or the 2 gals spending every night with them.
On Wednesday I had an email forwarded to me that said Aj was doing great and enjoying himself. That night we got a call from the teacher at camp. Aj was crying and homesick. Pops and I talked to him for a awhile and told him how proud of him we were of him. We talked about what he had to look forward to the next day and that after that he would be coming home. I asked the teacher if he'd had any "altercations". We had a few in the last week so I was worried about a command performance in the presence of additional stress. But she told me -no he'd been great. Today the teacher said Aj was fine after our Wed evening call.
Today at 1 pm in the school playground I was greeted by a dirty-faced smiling boy. He immediately launched into a story about the raccoon that got in their cabin last night. Evidently Alex forgot to take his Monday lunch left overs out of his lunch bag. Seemingly the 3-day-old odor drew in a raccoon. Other portions of the story included the raccoon throwing up and later peeing on one boys clothes. Alex is cautious and fearful of animals other than cats and dogs. So I was not surprised to hear he was distressed by the presence of the masked food thief.
"The cabin leader gave me 6 Oreos to cheer me up."
I am guessing beautiful-boy did not go right to sleep after the excitement of the raccoon and the sugar of the Oreos.
As we were driving home Aj said, "Are these my shorts?"
He said the shorts were falling off.
"Alex, are you thinking you might be wearing someone else shorts?"
"Yes."
Upon examination at home I think the waistband was not cinched on the inside of the shorts. It is also possible that my already-a-bit-too-skinny guy lost some weight. I think the shorts are form our house!?

At home I unpacked Aj's bags. I had given him 2 disposable cameras-but no pics for us.
I had packed a ziplock of clean underwear, another of clean socks and a large trash bag labelled "dirty clothes". The dirty clothes bag was half full. As was the ziplock of clean underwear.
I see a bath in his future.
Aj is reading over my shoulder. I asked him what his favorite part of the week was. He said Beach Day was his favorite. The best part of that was when one of the teachers and some other kids buried him in the sand up to his neck. (An SI kids idea of heaven).
Two or three years ago I would not have believed that my guy would go to outdoor ed without and aide and have such a successful and great time.
Pops and I are so very proud of our boy.

My letter to little Grace's mama (see prior entry first)

2009-10-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well this all sucks no doesn't it?

I had a life situation similar to yours on an odd level. But certainly not as scary-and I am not dismissing the potential madness of what you will going through for the next 6 months.
I don't know if I ever told you-many people know this story. Sorry if it is a repeat or feels like a downer.
At 8 weeks pregnant I found out I was pregnant with twins (surprise! You've been there, done that). It was my pregnancy with Aj. At 19 weeks we found out that his twin sister had non-functioning kidneys. We were told she might die in utero, which could throw me into early labor. Or that she would die during or following delivery. At 25 weeks or so I started contracting and was told to quite work and go on bed rest. They started doing "stress tests" every week on both babies. Basically, for weeks I knew I was going to give birth to a baby that would die. I also knew that there was a chance that the baby girl could die in utero and I could go into labor and he would be a preemie. Or that she could die and his blood supply could be altered at that time period. (That would cause brain damage in my book). He was receiving stress tests so there was general concerns about the whole pregnancy. After all that I was INDUCED at 38 weeks. So you know my big guy and know that he is here. (Are his issues related to the pregnancy-I do not think so. Not when you meet our other quirky family members!)

Anyway, the part I get for you is the worry, sadness, fear, and playing-out-of-situations in your head that can eat you alive.
Trying not to totally succumb to that is the challenge.
It is hard to "cope" because you are not sure exactly what it is you are coping with, or if it is going to change.
I tried to tell myself I had to have faith that it will all be okay.
It became mantra in my head.
I tried to turn off the audio tapes in my head that played the "what if" scenarios.

Drugs. There are many of us out there that take antidepressants. Myself included. It can help and it doesn't mean you need to use forever.

Surround yourself by people who can listen to you and who get it.
You know-not the ones who say:
"I don't know how you do it"
"I couldn't manage everything you do and still be sane."
"God doesn't give you more then you can handle"
That only makes me want to say-
"I am barely "doing it" some days. I have to "do it" because the little faces
wake me day after day.
You only think I am sane because I haven't barfed the contents of my brain
into your naive ears.
And the God thing? If you even say that then your life has not yet had a crises.
And God was never really a parent.

Thinking of you.

Let me know if you want a visit or a chat-

Today October 8th 2009

2009-10-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

A strange day
A heavy day
This afternoon I will attend the funeral for a 10 year old boy who died in his sleep last week. A totally unexpected death. I cannot fathom the pain of his mother. How do you go on when there are mothers and sons everywhere in the world to always remind you?

Yesterday little 7 year old Grace had her second brain surgery for Moya Moya disease. It is a situation where the blood vessels in the brain are malformed and misconnected. This often results in strokes. Turns out she'd had a number of strokes but the last one where she had some weakness was brought her into the hospital and the Moya Moya was discovered a couple weeks ago. Last Wednesday she had surgery on the right side of her brain. She came out of it pretty well! This Wednesday's surgery was on the left side of the brain. Evidently it was not successful as the blood vessels they were going to connect was too small. So the plan is that they hope it will continue to grow and they will try again in 6 months. So this family now has to wait and wonder if or when their little girl is going to stroke again. And of course they know about the boy who died in his sleep. How will she face each morning, each day with an eagle eye on her daughter while also trying to care for her 4 boys ages 9, 4 and 14 month old twins.

Friend of jennyalice is in the ER with severe abdominal pain. Jenny is with her now. Her friends 3 kids are home with their Daddy

Tell your babies you love them. Tell them now. Tell them over and over.

Busy busy

2009-09-29T08:52:00.001-07:00

Busy and not posting.
Enjoying the nes puppy, Tess. I started a blog to chronicle her "work" in my therapy practice.
See:
http://www.k9assistedtherapy.blogspot.com/

2009-09-16T11:32:00.001-07:00

My 8 year 9 month old daughter is in early stages of puberty! There is no girl less interested in boobs.

HIstory of the Australian Labradoodle

2009-08-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

This is from the Australian Labradoodle Association of America
http://http://www.ilainc.com/index.html

My Story: I Designed a Dog, by Wally Conron
Printed 7/10/2007 by http://www.readersdigest.com.au/

Determined to source the most suitable guide-dog for a client, I unwittingly turned the canine world upside down While working with the Royal Guide Dog Association of Australia as its puppy-breeding manager in the early ’80s, I received a request from Hawaii. A vision-impaired woman there, whose husband was allergic to dog hair, had written to our centre in the hope that we might have an allergy-free guide-dog. “Piece of cake,” I thought. The standard poodle, a trainable working dog, was probably the most suitable breed, with its tightly curled coat. Although our centre bred and used labradors, I didn’t anticipate any difficulties finding a suitable poodle. It turned out I was wrong: after rejecting countless poodles with various problems, some two years and 33 disappointing trials later, I still hadn’t found an appropriate dog for the job. In desperation, I decided to cross a standard poodle with one of our best-producing labradors. The mating was successful, but it produced only three pups. We sent coat and saliva samples of each pup to the Hawaiian couple, and the husband found one sample allergy-free. At last we were getting somewhere, but a big job lay ahead. The pup had to grow up and prove suitable for guiding work; and then it had to be compatible with the visually impaired client. We had a long way to go. With a three to six-month waiting list for people wishing to foster our pups, I was sure we’d have no problem placing our three new crossbred pups with a family. But again I was wrong: it seemed no-one wanted a crossbred puppy; everyone on the waiting list preferred to wait for a purebred. And time was running out – the pups needed to be placed in homes and socialised; otherwise they would not become guide-dogs. By eight weeks of age, the puppies still hadn’t found homes. Frustrated and annoyed with the response to the trio of crossbreeds I had carefully reared, I decided to stop mentioning the word crossbreed and introduced the term labradoodle instead to describe my new allergy-free guide-dog pups. It worked – during the weeks that followed, our switchboard was inundated with calls from other guide-dog centres, vision-impaired people and people allergic to dog hair who wanted to know more about this “wonder dog”. My three pups may have been mongrels at heart – but the furore did not abate. It was 1989 and the publicity surrounding the new designer dogs went national and then international. A new world opened for countless people who had once thought they could never enjoy the delight of a pet pooch. With this kind of response, I knew we were on to a winner, and I took the decision to breed more of the labrador-poodle crosses. So I contacted the then Kennel Control Councilof Australia, hoping to find the names of reputable breeders who were breeding standard problem-free poodles. “If you use any registered dog for your programme, that breeder will be struck off the register and never be allowed to show or register their dogs again,” the council’s spokesperson warned. Nor did he budge when I explained that the dogs were being bred to help vision-impaired people. The breeders themselves were split: many did subsequentely threaten me or propose litigation if I used their progeny in my breeding programme, while others offered their services free to the guide-dog centre. While all this was happening, I continued training Sultan, the original non-allergenic pup. He eventually went to Hawaii, amid intense media coverage, where as the world’s first labradoodle he bonded beautifully with his new owner and her allergic husband. Interest in the labradoodle continued to escalate and inquiries poured in from all over the world from people wishing to either purchase or breed the dogs. But I quickly realised that I’d opened a Pandora’s box when our next litter of ten labradoodles produced only three allergy-free pups. I began to worry, too, about backyard breeders producing supposedly “allergy-free” dogs for profit. Already, one man claimed to be the first to breed a poodle- Rottweiler cross! Nothing, however, could stop the mania that followed. New breeds began to flood the market: groodles, spoodles, caboodles and snoodles. Were breeders bothering to check their sires and bitches for heredity faults, or were they simply caught up in delivering to hungry customers the next status symbol? We’ll never know for sure. Today I am internationally credited as the first person to breed the labradoodle, but I wonder, in my retirement, whether we bred a designer dog – or a disaster!

Come to Mama

2009-08-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sent the check for the puppy. The big girl should be here in a week or so. She'll be flying from WA. I asked friends and client families to vote on the name. Of course Pops wants to name her "Gunner". He is coping fairly well with the idea of a dog with curls residing here. Poor Java has been enjoying being the Princess-she will likely be shocked to have to share her family. But I think she will enjoy having a playmate.

I'm very excited about doing more research on animal assisted therapy, training the dog and getting her up and going. So far I have found just a few articles on speech therapists using dogs for therapy. This is a new area.

More as I come across it.

Where have all the flowers gone?

2009-08-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

Or where have I been and what have I been doing.
My dear friend TB, who was in the hospital in Miami, has made a miraculous recovery after a bleed in the brain, a stroke, hydrocephalus and bacterial meningitis. She was in the ICU for over a month. She had the bleed on July 3 and left the hospital August the 19th-for a stay of 54 days. She was released from rehab and we flew together to LA. She is at her friends home, where she will be staying for now to recover. She was at Jackson Memorial Hospital at the Ryder Trauma Center which is an AMAZING rehabilitation center. I loved being back on rehab and being able to interact with the professionals. My OT friends would have been proud of the 2 on-airline toilet transfers Tanya and I carried off without a hitch.

I am pleased she is well and I am relieved this chapter is ending. She was very ill with a rocky course. Getting daily reports from the RN, let alone any regular report from an MD, was difficult with the time change, lack of availability etc. I'd do it all again. I have reconnected with TB and my friend A, made a new friend or 2 and had some new experiences with going to Miami twice.

One thing that I have learned is that it is time for me to focus more on myself and my family. It is so easy for me to give my time to others and other endeavors. I enjoy doing that, and I can than avoid doing the things in my own life that I don't like or want to avoid. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work out so well for me and my family.

It is now 2 weeks before school starts. My goals:
get my puppy here
sign up for training
schedule follow up with my MD
Ki eye exam
Ki MD apt
Ki and Aj dentist for cleaning
Aj dental xrays
me to dentist
look into place for my Mom
clean up house
move forward on website
call pediatrician practices to set up inservices/marketing
choose paint and begin painting in house
call landlord re: ceiling of office
complete billing
rent extra office?
tile office floor
get more office furniture
spend time with kids

I won't get all this done-but it is the same list that has been hanging for months. So if I can take a big chunk out-I am doing well
wish me luck!

Doodley Do at 12 weeks

2009-08-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am hoping to get her! She is 12 weeks now. She is in Gig Harbor, WA. Near Seattle. She will be about 45 pounds when full grown. She has had some training and lots of socialization with various people. She has already gone on a pet therapy visit to a nursing home with her siblings!
I think I may have a name-but would love ideas.

Doodle Do

2009-08-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

Check out this cutie! 9 weeks in picture. She is currently 12 weeks. mmmmm we'll see

Carwash for St. Jude's Hospital

2009-08-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

My kids are at Camp Kaboom through park and rec in RWC. This Th from 10 to 3 they are holding a carwash to raise money for St. Jude's Resaerch hosptial. St Jude's provides care for children with cancer, regardless of the families' ability to pay.
So-stop on by the parking lot at Red Morton and get that car cleaned for $5.00!

Doggie update

2009-08-03T12:05:00.001-07:00

I sent application to assistance dog place in Santa Rosa and have not heard back. I completed a written application, a letter, and needed 2 letters of rec (not from family). Thank you Squid and Sandrini. I called at one point and they said wait could be up to a year or more. AAAHHHH!
I then found this fabulous fellow and his site. He is in Indiana. He rescues dogs and then trains them as therapy dogs. He works to have them pass the AKC good dog test and the Delta Pet partners test. He is incredibly active in his community.Sounds like a good soul.
Check out his site at:
http://therapydogrescue.com/

We have emailed a few times and I hope to speak to him on the phone this week. Check out dogs Dobky and Huntley. Cuties. He is not ready to part with Dobky. I don't blame him he sounds like a great dog.

Dobky http://therapydogrescue.com/dogs/profiles/dobky/
Huntley http://photos.lairds.com/gallery2/tag/Huntley?g2_page=2

4th of July Fun Run

2009-07-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

Pops and AJ did do the 5K Fun Run on the 4th of July, AJ ran the whole way. He didn't win for his age class, but he finished. Not bad for a kid who hadn't really trained.

Two degrees of separation

2009-07-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

I heard from my first love from high school. He lives in Wasilla and is friendly with the Palin family. So I am 2 (or is it 1) degrees from Sarah Palin.

Australian Labradoodles

2009-07-23T23:43:00.001-07:00

I am plugging along on research about finding and getting a dog to be a therapy dog and work with me. I'll share info I have learned. I have become enthralled and educated about the Australian Labradoodle. Read along if you are into dogs.

Australian Labradoodles were originally breed in Australia and are a combo of a few breeds. They have been bred for so many generations that they are now seeking to be identified as a breed in and of themselves. The not-really-yet-a breed was originated to be guide dogs for the blind and to eliminate the issue of people being allergic to dogs. They have hair instead of fur and do not shed (like a poodle).
Therefore, people are not allergic. Turns out this is much different then a labrdoodle or goldendoodle that was breed by mating a poodle and a lab (or golden) retriever just a single or a few generations back. In this case you cannot guarantee a hair coat and disposition as much.

The color can range from white, cream, apricot, brown, black and all shades in between. Usually they are solid in color. The coat can be "wool" or "fleece". In my mind "wool" looks curlier like a poodle and "fleece" looks more like a cross between Bob Marley and a dog (see the brown guy up above). Or if you are a lab lover, they both look a bit like a lab with a bad perm. I spoke to a breeder today who said she noticed that children with autism really seemed to like the soft fur of these dogs. A nice tactile experience!

They are bred in 3 size categories:
Standard Labradoodle 21 to 24 inches in height and 50 to 65 pounds
Medium Labradoodle 17 to 20 inches in height and 30 to 45 pounds
Miniature Labradoodle 14 to 16 inches and 15 to 25 pounds

Cost varies-but generally seems to be $1,800.00 to $2,500.00. Most are $2,500.00Gulp. I think that is largely due to "labradoodles" being the "in" kind of dog to have lately. The strong history of service dogs for Australian Labradoodles is from a line(s) (or kennels) called Tegan and Rutland. Breeders will boast if their dog came from one of those lines.

Two women started a business breeding and training labradoodles to be service and therapy dogs. One of the women has a daughter with special needs. Us Special Mama's, we get it done! Read down the page on the link. I love the photos. You get a good idea of what a standard sized labradoodle looks like.
http://www.aloha-labradoodles.com/aloha-assistance-labradoodles.html

The breed is now being recognized and used quite a bit by people who train various service dogs. Of which there turns out to be many:
hearing dogs, guide dogs, seizure alert dogs, allergy alert dogs and best of all service dogs for individuals with autism.

At a minimum-those dogs make you smile.

Star

2009-07-20T00:34:00.001-07:00

The star in my night is my joy when thinking about getting a therapy dog.

Boxes on the shelf

2009-07-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Boxes stacked on the top shelf of my dank emotional closet:

Son with PDD-NOS, ADHD and no true friends

Daughter who feels and dresses more like a boy and has no true friends

Mom fading from Alzheimer's and living with me

No other supportive family

Friend in a coma- and with that an over-whelming amount of responsibility and time required of me (medical and financial power of attorney)

Home in disrepair

One box

Some days, I can consider the surface contents of one box

During moments spent crouching on the closet floor I wonder why that shelf is so full

Most of all, I fear an earthquake raining the contents and suffocating me

Close the door

I can't consider the boxes

My friend

2009-07-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

Still in a coma with movement of all 4 extremities. Not following commands consistently. I am managing LOTS.

July 9th

2009-07-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

–day after surgery for Tanya
They eliminated the sedation and she remains minimally responsive. I was hoping she would wake up more-of course-but also so I could talk to her and feel like she knew I was there. She opened her eyes to her name and moved all 4 extremities, but not to my voice. She was not following commands and her eyes were blank. She is still on a ventilator, but is doing some breathing on her own, which is good. But in general, not good if she doesn’t start to rouse.
I have to believe that in her soul and subconscious she has stored memories that Amanda (who I have not met-but Tanya adores) and I were with her in this crazy time and that she heard us when we said she is loved by so many.
It is like I have stepped into a chapter of a different book in the trilogy of my life. In the past 5 to 10 years Tanya and I have not been all that close. Our lives became quite different with my marrying and having 2 kids, one with special needs, and my hunkering down in the life of family and work. We connected mainly annually at Christmas time.
I told her long ago that she should put me down as medical power of attorney. Andrea and Chess and I are listed. Andrea is one of my oldest friends (30 years, gulp) and while our friendship took a hiatus for a few years-we are “back together”, with this now more then ever. I think Tanya has brought us that as a gift. This chapter with Tanya and I is a reconnecting from the past really. It is my turn to put out love and effort for her like she did for me so many years ago. She took me on my 1st trip to Europe and was an excellent model for learning to travel. She helped me gain much of the confidence I needed to go across the country and tackle this situation alone, navigate an unknown city and crawl through a mammoth medical system. I am flying home now and I did things on this trip I have not done before and I learned. I ate dinner alone in downtown, explored a portion of the city alone and rode in a bunch of taxis. I chatted with drivers and got to know one of the shuttle drivers at the hotel. And I could see Tanya in myself as I did those things. I think she gave me those successful experiences.

Adventures in Miama and the ICU

2009-07-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

Waiting to hear from MD regarding out come of brain surgery my friend had. The surgey has been over for more then an hour-and still I wait. Not despite my best efforts to tackle any knowing sources.

Everyone in Miami pretty much speaks Spanish. I am by far a minority in looks and language.

Women and men seem to rarely wear shorts despite hot, humid weather.

It is maddening to be on the other side of such a critical situation. SO hard to get info. Hurry and wait, hurry and wait and hope that the MD or social worker doesn't come to speak with you when you are in the bathroom-they will leave again.

On most of the 1st floor of the hospital-where cafeteria, places to sit etc are-there is often no cell phone reception. So if you are called by staff on the cell phone you are clutching-you won't get the call. But you have no way of knowing that until it is too late and your crazed trying to get a hold of the MD.

Life on July 5th

2009-07-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

In the past few days a long time friend of mine had a stroke while out of the country and was flown to Miami and has had emergency brain surgery. Tanya was like a second Mom to me when I was growing up. I have known her since I was 7. She bought me my 1st car, took me on a road trip to MI and back one summer, she took me on my 1st trip to Europe and she flew to Madison with me to settle for graduate school there. There are many other wonderful things she did for my friends, Mom and I. With marriage and kids and ALL we have grown apart, but talk or see each other a couple times a year. She comes up every Christmas because we have spent some (or all) of every Christmas together for the last 30 years. While she has many friends, she has no blood-family. Her friends are her family. I get that. Outside of my husband and 2 kids, the same is true for me.
Years ago I told Tanya to put me down as medical durable power of attorney. I am one of 3 listed. One of the others a dear friend of mine, Andrea, who has known Tanya for ages as well. She is brilliant, organized, concise and can solve her way out of a box in 30 seconds with her hands and feet tied behind her back. I worked in hospitals forever and Andrea and I joke in a serious way-I do hospitals, emergencies and touchy-feely well. Our skill sets are totally opposite. We think Tanya was on to that when she put us both down. The other person listed is Chessa, who lives in Co. While I had never spoken to Chessa until a few days ago-I know Tanya adores her and her family. I can understand that- she seems to be a combination of both Andrea and I.

What is funny is that I cannot remember the last time I left the state. (Oh yeah-I went to Seattle with Squid and Jennyalice to do a book reading and I got to visit my friend Kelli.) I do not recall traveling to and being in a strange city alone. This is big for me. Especially since being by myself often means “alone” or “lonely” to me. Tanya is currently in ICU and is evidently “alert” at times per the RN, but is medically sedated. So while I will see her-she will not be a companion to me. Of course I am not going there for that. But I am curious how it will be for me to be gone from 9 pm Sunday to noon on Fri and not be with anyone.
This will be a time in which I am able to help Tanya and a time that I will be able to culture pieces of my heart, mind and soul.
Time to board the plane 10:20 pm Sun July 5th. Red eye to Miami.

Get your backpack Jack

2009-06-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

Pops took Aj backpacking for one night. They hiked 5 miles in to Susie Lake from the Glen Alpine trail head. Pops reports that Aj loved it and did very well! They cooked mac and cheese and hot dogs for dinner with hot chocolate for dessert. Pops had the food in a bear proof canister (as is required because of bears in the area). Aj was concerned to hear about the possibility of bears and retreated to the tent at night fall. He reported hearing hearing 3 growls during the night. Pops was unable to collaborate his imagined perceptions. In the am Aj caught 2 brook trout, they got to hike in a bit of snow, and Aj reports liking all the hiking. Pics of my boys. I am so proud.

Lake Tahoe and Fishing

2009-06-29T10:03:00.001-07:00

Kids caught their first fish!
AJ was a bit cautious about the fish. Ki was thrilled with the haul and not fearful at all. We fished twice at Sawmill Pond. You have to be 14 or under to fish in the darling, well-stocked pond. Kids caught 5 fish on each occasion and they fed the family twice.

New Bras

2009-06-21T23:08:00.001-07:00

Thank goodness I found 2 new bras today.
I was desperate. The only bra I had suffered a compound fracture of the left underwire and had been puncturing my left breast for too long.

tahoe

2009-06-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

Off to Tahoe with my family (including Granny).
To be honest the thought of dealing with everyone's issues 24/7 (you know what I mean here) is far from relaxing.

Run baby Run

2009-06-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

Pops signed he and AJ up for the 4th of July Fun Run here in RWC. Today they went for their first run. Aj sprinted an 8.40 minute mile for the first mile. Then they did the next 2 miles a bit slower and walked some. But basically, my energy boy did 3miles in about 30 minutes. I was there when he got home. He looked great and said he felt that way, too.

Therapy Dog

2009-06-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends
I am hoping you can give me a hand-
As you know, my beloved 13-year old lab, Sierra, had to be put to sleep last week.
While she had not been evaluated to be labelled a "therapy dog", she basically was.
She frequently joined me in therapy sessions and was often integral in getting my young speech clients to sign, verbalize and demonstrate turn taking. This was especially true for children with ASD and/or apraxia. A few of my favorite memories when working with Leelo (my 8 year old client and friend who has autism)and Sierra are:
When he played fetch with Sierra and his Mom, "Squid", told me he had never thrown a ball so well before. He then continued the turn-taking routine with her for a number of turns.
More recently he became interested in crouching beside her and imitating her.
He enjoyed seeing her "sit" and "lie down" in response to his verbal commands.
During one of our weekly sessions he appropriately asked for her (she was not there that week) by saying, "The Doggie?".

I am looking into getting another doggie.
My hope is to get a dog that can become a certified therapy dog and be an integral part of my speech practice (and of course my family). I am partial to labs and bigger dogs and prefer a female. I have also looked into Australian Labradoodles (of course half the fun there is I could name it "Dude"). I need a dog that is easy going, mellow and easy to train. The difficulty with getting a puppy is you do not know what the personality will be and it takes a while to train them. I would appreciate and leads or thoughts any of you might have on a young dog or puppy that could join me.

NOTE: I have contacted Canine Companions and was denied for a facility dog as they prefer to place dogs in large facilities. I have met with similar road blocks or huge waiting lists with other similar organizations.
Please pass on any good tips!
Please email at: sageslp at gmail.com

So many feelings

2009-06-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

I miss my girl, Sierra. Looking back at pics makes me sad.
She was such a sweetie.
Here she is with Ki and Aj before we took her to the vet. She felt so badly and was still her patient self.
I am looking into how I can get another dog to be a therapy dog. I feel guilty that I should shroud myself in black longer. But I will always love that girl.

2009-06-12T18:21:00.001-07:00

my mom called me today to ask if i had sierra with me, because she couldn't find her.

Sad Day

2009-06-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

A tearful day.
We put Sierra to sleep this afternoon.
Our sweet girl has been with us for 13 years-after arriving as a wedding present at 10 weeks of age.
Seeing the tears of my husband as our brown girl faded was so very sorrowful.

2009-06-05T12:07:00.001-07:00

Today was Super Hero Day at school. I dropped off Ki and she was wearing her red Power Ranger costume with the synthetic muscles.

Uncomfortable skin

2009-05-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last 24 hours I feel perpetually irritated-although at home there is almost a constant irritant. It is similar to the beginning of the depressive episodes of a few days that I sometimes get. I'll have to work to skip the void.
I kinds wanna bolt like one of our snk's. Just outrun it. Actually exercise or a good comedy would feel good.
I think I will go get a latte and head to work to see 2 darling two year olds this am for 1 hour a piece. I mean the last part, they are darling and I love my time with them. I realize to some that sounds like a depressive episode in and of itself!

2009-05-22T13:44:00.001-07:00

Ooakland Zoo
there are bats here that have a wing span of 6 feet and bodies the size of a medium sized dog. yeah, i'd duck if that guy was flying at me.

Mothering a naked 2 year old

2009-05-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Went to visit my girlfriend on this sweltering day. I was greeted by her exuberant and naked nearly 3 year old daughter. Naked is fine with me-it's hot and I would consider joining her if I wasn't on my way back to work.
We all had lunch and hung out.
Later during my visit my friend's voice rang out in that parental I-am-irritated-with-you tone.

NO
That is not okay
Stop that
Do not put cookies in your vagina
Do you hear me
Say it back to me, "Cookies do not go in my vagina"
Okay
Good
Throw that cookie out

Amazingly enough-our conversation picked right up where we had been. Having had toddlers and special needs kids we are unflappable.

Sisi-seems no one told her how sick she is

2009-05-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

The vet gave me antibiotics and doggie advil (of sorts). Turns out she had a urinary tract infection. She is feeling great now. Still occasionally needs help to stand up on her sore leg, but not nearly as much. Her mood is good and she seems comfortable. I still hear the occasional cough that is the indicator of the tumors in her lungs. Other than that she seems like her usual self. I'll post when we loose my dear.

2009-05-15T12:31:00.001-07:00

vet called
sisi (sierra) has lung tumors everywhere
she is dying
i have 2 tell Pops
he will also be devestated
so sad

My SiSi

2009-05-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

My beautiful, old SiSi dog is sick. I think my my sweetpea is dying. Oh so sad here.

2009-05-13T22:30:00.001-07:00

yeah
i am blogging from my phone

2009-05-13T22:27:00.001-07:00

blogging from my phone?

Michelle Garcia Winner

2009-05-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah-we got that.
Last Friday SEPTAR and another Special Ed PTA group put on a 1 day Michelle Garcia Winner conference. We pulled it off! I think it went really well.
170 attended from all over the Bay Area and one gal from Reno!
Good thing I am not a panicky person so that when there were not enough chairs, the coffee pot didn't work and the PA system was down-I didn't panic. It all came together. I did have to make an announcement to let people know about the coffee crises as there were people frantically squirreling around the kitchen there.
We are already planning for next year.

Yoo hooo

2009-05-13T22:08:00.000-07:00

Hey SPT-are you there? Can I take you to idol concert this year?

Adam Lambert and Idol

2009-05-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

Truth be told I have always been a Danny Gokey fan. He seems so wholesome. Kris (who?) Allen has been the dark horse. But, ahhh-a mid-western darling.

I just watched the show and did a bit of research and can now tell you that Adam is from my part of the state. Check out part of his bio:

Lambert, 27, grew up in Rancho Peñasquitos. He moved here from Indiana with his parents when he was 1 and attended Deer Canyon Elementary School, Mesa Verde Middle School in Poway and Mt. Carmel High School, where he was in theater, choir and jazz band. He has one sibling, a younger brother.

Yeah, okay so I went to Poway High and Mt Carmel was our big rival. Fun to note. Not so fun to note is that he was born the year I graduated from Poway High.

Happy Birthday Daddy! Love Ki

2009-05-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ki made this picture for Pops for his Birthday. All hair and eye color is correct. As is glasses color. Pops is throwing the ball for the dogs. Java is running and Sierra is standing, holding a bone. I framed it and will hang it in the family room.

Happy Birthday Pops!

2009-05-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

The Education Foundation had an essay and picture contest on the topic of, "When I grow up I want to be...". The author's names were covered and a panel reviewed and selected a number of finalists from our 15 school district. They were published in a book. The above is my son's essay. It was chosen for it's content, and no other reason.
Today was Pop's birthday. I had Alex give him the book as a gift.
Pops eyes brimmed with pride as he read.

Special Needs Workshops Offered at CA State PTA Convention

2009-04-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

"Four workshops focused on providing support to parents and teachers of children with special needs are being offered to attendees at this year’s California State PTA Convention. The Convention will be held April 30 – May 3 in San Jose.

#306: Organizing A Successful PTA Special Needs Committees or Unit
Parents and Teachers of children with
learning disabilities, ADHD, autism
and other special needs benefit from
PTA support. This workshop will
provide practical tips and tools for
organizing and running collaborative
special needs programs, and
compare the relative merits of PTA Special
Needs Committees and Special Needs PTAs.

Deb and I, along with a great gal from San Ramon SD, do this presentation tomorrow.
Wish us luck!

Still a bit pissi-FYI on me

2009-04-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

I am realizing that a big part of the reason that I felt let down by some of my friends is that I have NO family members that I am emotionally close to. Mostly because most of them don't exist or are emotionally unavailable. It's pretty much just me and Pops to provide the total emotional and financial support for the 2 of us and our kids. If I am sad or in an emergency I do not have the following to rely on or call: sister/brother (step, half or otherwise), cousin, mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law, aunt, uncle, sister/brother-in-law or grandparent.

I wrap up my WAAAA session for now.

Beautiful Boy and Girl

2009-04-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot this pic

1st Communiion and my big kids

2009-04-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

We made it through first communion! Kids looked fabulous. The beautiful clothes lasted only slightly longer then the mass, but that is as I figured it would be. Nice party at our house. I had a chance to catch up with some good friends I haven't seen in ages. Our dear friend Margaret, whom Pops and I haven't seen in months received the most honorable guest award. She and her husband attended the mass AND came to the party following the excision of her appendix a mere 48 hours ago.

I must insert a moment of brutal honesty, because my feelings are a bit hurt.
Party and friend etiquette review.
If you get an invitation, RSVP if you will attend.

"We might stop by the party" from a few families is difficult to plan for. And then it hurts my feelings if you are not able squeeze us in to your day.

If you RSVP you are coming to a party. Do.
Putting hours into planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning and then feeling like it is a burden for people to come to a party and celebrate my kids and family is a pisser.
This is especially true for my family and it's challenging profile. We have limited family, few families we invite over (even less that invite us over) and friends are hard to come by for my kids.
Pissiness aside-
I am proud of my husband who worked hard to get his kids to this point. It was his doing, not mine. I am proud of my beautiful children.

Shopping Jennyalice

2009-04-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

I shopped the closet of jennyalice before attending the RCEF (Redwood City Education Foundation) Benefit with my date, Squid. The profile of my borrowed closet items seem to profile jennyalice's life. The 2 borrowed items were:
A sharp looking long black coat- ala Target

and

A purse that turned out to be alligator, real alligator. Not only that, it was made in Italy specifically for her. And if you want to be sure there are her initials embossed in gold inside. The best part is that the initials are JAM, and those are my initials, too.

At the benefit I won a case (12 bottles) of German wine. Tag says it is valued at $220.00. Ironic, given that I don't drink. People who know that about me now want to be my best friend.

Squid and I were hot looking mamas as we heeled home across the parking lot. We sported heels, make-up and visible gams. The case of wine made us all that much more fetching. We slipped into my minivan and headed home. I suspect my family wagon is valued about the same as the purse previously slung over my forearm.

"Quadriplegic child found dead in storage facility"

2009-04-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I love finding mail like that in my email. It brightens my day.
Lucky for a whole bunch of people she is on lots of list serves. This means that not only do you get this, and related messages often, you might get it 2 or 3 times. Truth be told, she is an equal opportunity offender. She posts horror stories about people having a variety of disabilities and disorders.
I have to wonder, what sort of person thinks that the rest of us want to read even just the headline about every freak horror story out there.

Last day in the city

2009-04-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

There is a reason we live in the Bay Area. It is tremendous. And the ice cream is good, too.
I recommend driving to The Warming Hut and hiking up the 1/2 mile to the Golden Gate bridge. It is a wonderful way of appreciating the local nature and the bridge.

Pops and Aj on vaca too

2009-04-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

It is rainy but we are just fine with that.
Breakfast at Honey Honey
A ride on the cable car to the Cable Car Museum
Over to the Zeum-Aj and Ki make a music video, Ki and Pops make clay creations together
A quick trip through Metreon and Play Station
Dinner, again, at Pucinni and Pinetti and Aj makes his own pizza
Cable car ride to Girrideli Square (sp?) for sundaes
Back to the hotel for the third and final night
Pops and I swap off which kid we sleep with

It is not all heaven-kids fight and we forgot Aj's medication so he is Zippy and antsy. But we are on a vacation and it feels like we are miles away from home.

Spring Break

2009-04-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

Ki and I drove up to the city for the night and stayed in Union Square. We went out for dinner and slept together. Bought apple turnovers as big as my head for breakfast and hiked through Union Square and then China Town.
We:
ate dim sum
tried bubble tea (not a hit)
checked out all the fresh and live fish and animals for sale in the markets
did tea tasting
visited The Fortune Cookie Company (and bought some)
bought almond cookies
bought BBQ duck
played in the park
Afternoon:
read newly acquired comic book and city guide in a Starbucks
played at Children's Circle Playground Yerba Buena Park
rested back in hotel
Dinner:
at Sears Fine Food-fabulous vegetable plate for me and pancakes for Ki
coloring and more comic book reading at Borders at Union Square and Pops and Aj join us. They rode the train to BART and walked to us. Aj in heaven. We get Aj dinner at Jack in the Box and Ki is thrilled to be the tour guide.

I C U Elephant Seal

2009-04-10T23:11:00.000-07:00

On the Monday of Spring Break Pops and I took kids to see the elephant
seals at Ano Nuevo State Reserve on the coast. Just a bit south of Pescadero. Above photos are of a young "weaner" and another one who is slightly older. We were amazingly close and the weather was incredible. Starting in April you do not have to have a reservation to go see them. All the males are pretty much gone-but still worth the trip. A 3 mile walk round trip, mostly flat.

Staying Put

2009-04-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

Ki did not get into smarty pants public school. 290 applicants for 80 some odd spots. She did nto get enough points in the application process. So pretty much a no go in the future as well. I am okay with it for the part that I never thought she was a "gifted" child. I just hope she finds a set of friends to hang with next year.

Beautiful Ki and the saga of the white dress

2009-04-05T00:06:00.000-07:00

Poor Pops as been so concerned about getting a dress for Ki and her first communion. She HATES dresses and all things feminine, so this has caused some angst for all in the family. Quiet Pops as talked to nearly any mother he could get his hands on about the need for a white dress that would work. Due to his efforts we had dresses offered up from the Greek Orthodox Brownie Leader to the niece of one of his Palo Alto patients.
Today I bought "The 1st Communion Dress" for only $30.00 at TJ Max. I ripped off the tag that said "Cinderella" before I had her try it on. She would kill me if I had her wear something associated with a princess. Luckily, she won't try to decipher the sewn in label with the same moniker.
It is a very pretty dress. But I know not to utter the "p" word in her presence. Evidently the "b" word, "beautiful" is fine if not uttered with too much gushing. The dress has a slightly fitted sleeveless bodice with a design of sewn in pearls, and a long full skirt. No flowers anywhere. She tried it on and twirl led in front of the mirror, offering no complaints. She may have even liked it. But I think she was afraid to admit that to either of us. It will go well with the $13.00 shoes from Marshall's. I'll forgo any head piece or veil as a compromise to her.

Bowling

2009-04-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

I went bowling awhile back with a group of other Special Mommies.

I either threw it in the gutter or got a strike. Seemed to parallel my life.

The Good Girl

2009-03-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

Ki is always the good girl.
For years already she has: attended my appointments and sat quietly playing, created whispering families from condiments on restaurant tables, always raised her hand, and been a teachers dream.

Recently there have been a couple episodes of lying (see haircut stories). Tonight I tucked her in and while I was fluffing her pillow I realized there was something in the pillow case. The hidden goods turned out to be a new unopened container of Hubba Bubba Bubblegum Tape.

She told me she found it and wasn't sure what it was from. I asked her if she stole it. She denied it. "I would tell you if I stole it." I reminded her that if you steal that the police get called because it is against the law. Her eyes looked wide. But actually, not all that wide.

Facts:
-housekeepers came this morning and changed the sheets
-they probably would not have put such a treasure back in a pillow case
-contraband most likely hidden after housekeepers here
-Ki at school today
-Aj not at school-home sick
-In the afternoon kids and I went to the store
-Aj is not capable of setting his sister up like this

-I think Pops and I are in trouble in the future.

Ki's Lego Party

2009-03-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I pride myself on operating my life in such a way that I give others the opportunity to feel good about themselves.
My dirty, messy house-it allows others to feel good about their own house.
Having my daughters birthday party in March when her birthday is in January-others feel good that a party a few weeks after their child's birth date is not so late.

So we finally had Ki's birthday party. My friend recommended the Lego Store at the nearby mall. So kids, mostly boys on the invite list of course, came over after school on Friday. I put everything in the front yard and there was a whirlwind of balls, dogs and kids. Then cake-which Ki and I designed and she decorated (pic later)- and ice cream. Then Bea, myself and Pops each drove a kid-filled car to the mall. Each child got to pick a small Lego kit to build and at the end were given a box to fill from the Lego Wall. Lego store was a big hit-great fun had by all. NOTE: If you chose this party-do it on a week day as they set up a table for the party right in the store. On a weekend day it would be too crowded and confusing all the customers.
Ki was a happy girl.

Weekday Mornings

2009-03-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

Weekday mornings consist of me usually getting up later then is necessary and barking at the kids to get dressed. Aj is typically wildly distracted in the am and I get to repeat myself adnosium (sp?) about him putting clothing items on his body.
Then it is out to the car ans the 3 block drive to school. Java goes every morning. It is her routine. Even if I don't plan to return home to stay, I have to go back to drop off the dog.
Usually I am home for a bit and indulge in my peaceful morning moments. For example, right now.
I am comfortably sunk into the middle of the couch. On my right is Bear the cat and on my left is Java. My mug of hazelnut coffee is wedged between my thigh and Java. Sierra sleeps in the club chair. Granny looks for a place to sit and ends up at the dining room table.
I sip coffee, read Dear Abby, check email and pet my babies. A nice start to my day.

Lean closer so I can bite your whole head off

2009-03-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday and Monday was one of those times when I felt overcome with sadness. All I could think about was everything sad and disappointing. My soul ached. I retreated to sleep for hours and most of a day.
I am still a bit touchy and was irritable at a meeting last night when forced to answer or entertain queries I found annoying. And I was easily annoyed. But at the same time I also wonder why we as women often feel the need to communicate with kid gloves.

No extra woof woof here

2009-03-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

I heard back from Canine Companionss. No go. They only place facility dogs in large facilites, not small practices like mine. She did give me 2 other organizations that might work for me. We'll see.

Ki's Joke

2009-03-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today I took Ki and her friend to basketball practice at Satan's Gym.
(The local community center run by a very right wing church. They also have Satan's pool as named by my friend Squid).

Ki and her friend have been enjoying exchanging jokes, frequently they are made-up jokes.
100 yards from gym drop off Ki told this joke:

What do you get when you cross an "F" and a duck?
A fuck.
Get it?!

She had NO idea what she was saying. I quickly changed the subject-hoping to decrease the odds she would enter the gym and retell the joke.

Fight or Flight

2009-03-13T21:29:00.000-07:00

If it is injury or illness, I get a "fight" response. Suddenly, my mind is sharp and I triage needs, review options and plan ahead. An unflappable, yet flexible, calm over takes me. Today's event reminded me of how I respond to certain situations.

I was the car behind the car accident today. The light turned green and the car in front of me went. I glanced up and saw that car get plowed into by another that had obviously run a red light. The driver at fault got out of his car, looked at the other car briefly (maybe spoke to the other driver) and then moved his car out of the intersection. Other drivers drove around and continued on their way. I watched the other driver and could see s/he was trying to start their engine, but nothing seemed to be happening. Then the driver, a woman, climbed out of the car and walked to the sidewalk. She walked in an odd bent-over fashion. Something was odd here. So I got out of my car. When I got to her I asked her if she was hurt and she said she thought her arm was broken. She was trying to dial 911 on her cell phone with one hand. She didn't want to sit-so I called 911 on my phone and soon all the emergency folk were there. I waited and talked to the police officer and shared my version of the accident.

Two Mom's from the school went by and saw me on the corner and stopped to check on me and make sure I wasn't involved. Good karma going forward.
When I left the woman continued to be calm and was seated on the bumper of the firetruck while the EMT's stabilized her arm. It felt a bit strange to just walk off and get in my car and leave.

So if you've got illness or emergency or hospital, I'm your gal.
If you need help with anything related to a computer or financial planning, get a mop and open the door. That way you can clean the floor where I threw up and I won't knock the door down when I run through it like a bat out of hell.

K9 companionss

2009-03-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

I filled out the initial application to apply to get a "facility dog". That is a dog that is trained like a companion dog for individuals with disabilities, but it is assigned to a professional who works with individuals with disabilities. That person would of course be me, and possibly also Pops who is a physical therapist.

The dogs are labs or golden retrievers-or a mix of the 2. They are 2 years old when you get them. They have lived with and been trained by a family, very similar to how guide dogs for the blind are trained. The primary person who will be with the dog then has to go to 2 weeks training at the Canine Companion facility with the dog they will take home. Having and working with the dog is like having and working with a guide dog. The are working dogs. The application process is quite detailed and they are very choosy, rightfully so. For those who make it through the rigorous application process and are accepted to get a dog, the wait can still be 6 months to 2 years. So I thought I'd get going on it.

It is a dream of mine to be able to fully integrate a highly trained dog into my practice. I have seen some kids do signing, talking and playing for an animal (dog and guinea pig) that they didn't do for me. I'd also love to be able to have a dog to take and interact with kids in the special ed day classes etc.
Yes-that would mean that at the moment my home would be quite busy. That piece I'll get to later.
Will post more as I hear more.
see http://www.cci.org/site/c.cdKGIRNqEmG/b.3978475/k.BED8/Home.htm

American Idol

2009-03-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

I am getting hooked again. Pops and I on the couch rating the singers. Kids love the show. Aj goes to bed and belts out made up songs. His own personal show.

Danny Gokey. The church singin' widower. A sweet heart. LOVE that guy.
Adam Lambert. He'll got far-but her he doesn't do it for me. Too plastic.
Lil Round. A darling mother of 3 with a charming personality.
Go Mama!
Jorge Nunez. A cute guy! I love that there is a latino guy in this. He got booted :(
WRONG. Anoop was saved. He is attractive-yet narcasistic. Blaaa.

Facebook

2009-03-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

You know you're getting older when you can't find your grad school buddy on facebook, but you found his teenage daughter.

The Prom Revisited 20 Years Later

2009-03-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

Pops with his senior prom date with their kids, 20 years after the prom.
Beautiful kids-Ki as a merchant and DK as Aladdin.

Aj's mail

2009-03-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

The following is a card Aj received in the mail today:

Dear Aj,
You were wonderful in Aladdin. You were very convincing. Your outrage at the monkey was perfect! I was so PROUD of you.

Fondly,

(last years classroom teacher that made me crazy with anger at her. I later came to like and respect her. How very supportive of Aj she is.)

Hot Mamas-small world

2009-03-03T09:03:00.000-08:00

Do some of you remember the MP gym class for special needs kids that many of us took our kids to? We all loved Teacher Karen. Well it turns out Teacher Karen is the sister of one of the moms who worked on the play. Karen's sister is also Ki's Brownie leader. Karen came to see her niece in the play. She recognized my kids names and faces and came up to chat after the play.

Karen reminded me that when Aj was little he thought her name was "Jim". Because I would say, "Aj, we're going to Gym now."
We would arrive and she would say, "HI AJ!"
He would joyfully respond, "Hi Jim!"